Autobiography in May
by Adam Gaucher
Monday, May 27, 2002
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It's not a matter of monotony to be
trusted, Sir. I can see you've
dropped your hat and that we agree you
look better this way. You didn't understand
that I left it on the ground there to tell you
this, but now I regret ever interfering.
I continued looking at the staircase as
the storm came in. I could only
duck into the alley for fear of
being seen. My hair was getting
wet but it was the first good shower
I've had in days. This was
my excuse. I waited.
It's not enough to simply repress, Darling.
I saw what I wanted; nails hanging
from your lips. First it was you fingers.
Then it was the cigarettes.
And it was me in that coffin.
I died in your arms remember?
Physically I still would breathe, however
I was given new life. I can
only hope that this life was never stolen.
I decided to walk around the block to
contemplate my final decision. The knot in
my stomach resembled the gift from the
gallows. I only had a few hundred feet left to
conquer before I'd reach those stairs again.
I was by now soaked and needed a hit of
nicotine. I went out searching for the cafés.
It's not to be felt a love so pure as your
own, Self. I'd waited a long time
to see you again. Our embracing was
a spectacular freak occurrence.
I remember when we would play in our
younger days, and all that was needed was
one another. You've grown wonderfully
and beautiful. Your presence is too simply
achievable to be ever lost again.
I payed my bill and realized where fate
had taken me. I was walking again toward
those stairs, but a little faster this time, with
desire. I finally rounded the corner
and there I was. The clouds were letting up.
One foot in front of the other. I was walking
up those stairs. I reached the door and it
flew open with no resistance.
The sun shown through the
kitchen window, and I was happy.