AuthorsDen.com   Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Tony Bertot, iDenise Nowakowski, iEdward Patterson, iJames Becher, iGary Caplan, iDenise Richardson, iDavid Hamilton, i

  Home > Poetry > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Alan D Busch

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Success story
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· News
· Stories
· Blog
· Messages
· 190 Titles
· 221 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Feb, 2008

Alan D Busch, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




Featured Book
Decoding the Language of God
by George Cunningham

Refutes the evidence and arguments used by Francis Collins and others to reconcile Christianity with modern science and phlosophy. Gives metaphysical proofs of atheism...  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members


Studies in Poetry Revision
by Alan D Busch
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Rated "G" by the Author.
Share   Print  Save   Follow
Recent poems by Alan D Busch
•  Poetical Reflections of my father
•  A Revision of A Father Loses A Daughter
•  Shacharis Musings (revised and published)
•  While Vigilance Slept (revision of Dignity Restored)
•  Significant Revision of A Father Loses A Daughter
           >> View all 47

Dear Readers,

This took some doing, but here I present two versions of a poem: the older version in black; the revision in red. Please read both and decide which reads better in terms of rythem. Please write a short review telling me if you like this format and which version you prefer.

Note that while some stanzas have been revised, others have not.

"Up Heaven's Slope: Dedicated to Our "Kedoshim" 

Why wrenched from hearth and home,         
o'er hills and fields whence they came?
Dreaming dreams didst they freely roam,
awakened to morning cold and lame.

Why wrenched from hearth and home,
o'er hills and fields whence they came?
Dreaming dreams didst they freely roam,
awakened to morning cold and lame
.


Wearily trod up heaven's slope

gray figures stooped, transparently thin,

recalling life from days before …

while awaiting storms of Heavenly din.

 

Wearily trod up heaven's slope,


their figures stooped,transparently thin,

anguished lives as none others before

why tarry the storms of Heavenly din?


Unlike Goliath in battle fell,

a travail, cold and dark, did numb

that David who had fought so well

would soon that night succumb.

 

Much like Goliath who in battle fell,

a travail, cold and dark, did numb

that even David who had fought so well

would soon that night succumb.


Prayerful hopes shoes be found

for souls bereft and torn,

a moment to rest, a breath to breathe

for spirits dulled and worn.

 

Prayerful hopes shoes be found

for souls bereft and torn.

If only a moment, a breath to breathe

for spirits dulled and worn.

 

Should not there have been one                 

for whom faith steadfast but rare,

that his would be ennobled by Thee

to seek his just and fair?


Should there not have been at least the one                  

for whom faith steadfast but rare,

that his would be ennobled by Thee

to seek his just and fair?


Who glimpsed the light but touched him not

whose spark had begun to wane

next day ere long gathered clouds again

for fewer who remain.


Who
glimpsed the light but touched him not,

whose spark had begun to wane.

Next day ere long gathered clouds again

for fewer who remain.


Bowed under lash by day,

by night a storm did rage.

Why had He not shown His way

a war He could have waged?


Bowed under Pharoah's lash by day,

by night a storm did rage.

Why had He not shown the way

a war He could have waged?


Aside bodies on planks they lie

precious heat what little remain.

Dreaded welcome soon might bring

next to whom they had just lain.

Aside bodies on planks they lie,
precious heat what little remain.
Dreaded welcome soon might bring,
next to whom they had just lain.


Still in death's kingdom shone

a light, a way, the day

when dawn’s rising would fewer eyes see                     

whose faith did them sustain.


Still
in death's kingdom shone

 

a light, a way, the day

when dawn’s rise would fewer eyes see                    

whose faith did them sustain
.


The world we choose points us down

paths long sought by peace,

in the gardens of which we plant the seeds

lest memories tragically cease.



The
world we choose points us down

paths long sought by peace,

in rose gardens when we plant the seeds

lest memories tragically cease.


 

 



Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!


Reviewed by randy smith 1/28/2009
great poem, the wording in one is ok, only keep in mind,
that less is more.good job, randy c smith
Popular Poetry (Poetry)
  1.  Ostrich Ride and other Tales
  2.  A Prisoner's Freedom
  3.  Gold-digger
  4.  The Blessed Blanket
  5.  A Poem for my Paula
  6.  Alice
  7.  Quiet Parting
  8.  the wolf
  9.  You Can Have Me
  10.  Miss Understood

Pacific Crimson - Forget Me Not by Edward Patterson

Poetry memorializing the events and people of the Pacific War...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.