Grandma’s Rules

Wipe your feet upon the mats.

No pets inside—no dogs or cats.

No wet umbrellas, or tissues Kleen.

No hands in pockets, or gumboots green.

No toothpaste balanced on the tap,

No sweaty shorts nor lonesome cap.

No lights left on, nor windows broken.

No voices raised. Complaints unspoken.

No unmade beds or sox on floors.

No signage glued to bedroom doors.

Hands off my lollies or I’ll tan your hide.

No shoes in the house. Leave bikes outside.

No cut flowers or sanitary cloths.

No silverfish, mice or predatory moths.

Hang cups, bowls and platters upon their hooks.

Keep mince for cats, scraps for dogs, rubbish for chooks.

Drop a mug, you’re in for a smack.

Don’t bully the milkman, or talk back.

Your ma has no stomach for cries or tears.

Wash behind your neck and inside your ears.

Don’t talk to neighbours or waste their time.

Develop a hatred for dust, dirt and grime.

Never give cookies or crumbs to a bird.

Children should be seen, never heard.