I hate you when you call me names
I hate you when you look at me - blank face
I hate you when you mock at me
I hate you when you threat me as if I am not human.
Do you know that I can memorize
all the names of my families and relatives
all their birthdays and phone numbers
all the players and teams of any sports
all newspapers and schedules in the subways
And i know you dont
Do you know that I can easily define patterns
in all the things that I see, I touch,
I hear, I smell, I taste and I dream
And i know you dont
Do you know that I have a lot of great things in my mind
I can solve intricate mathematical equations
I can create worlds that you have not thought before
I can paint life like a magical innocent smile of a child
And I know you dont
I want to talk to you,
but I was not given a chance
I want to tell you about the sky
but I startle when I talk
I want to tell you about duality
but I have trouble relating my mind
I want to play hide and seek
but I could not look at into your eyes
I might flaps my hand or walk on tiptoe
because these are my ways of telling you
Can we be normal and be friends?
But you set norms and rules
because you are many and we are not
Label us as a disorder or a disease
because we behave differently and you are not
Diagnose us by behaviours and observartions
because you think you are smart and we are not
But I'm sorry to disagree, your theory is your opinion - not ours!
But when I hate you
It does not mean that I do not love you
It does not mean that I do not care about you
It does not mean that we can not be together
But simply because
You do not understand me.
This poetry was featured in the Oakland Journal .
Autism is not a disease. I have read lots of articles about families so depressed to have someone autistic in their family. I could not blame them. Their minds are focused too much on words like "My son is different or my daughter is special". They tried harder to understand us the way they want it to be and not the way we want our world to be. That is why conflict and frustration always arise. And more flames are added when other ignorant people get involve into the picture. My online friend once said and I quote " I raised my son to believe there was nothing wrong with him: just the rest of the world." This line coming from a loving mother touched my heart. And I believe her - it is society who has the problem not us.
The mere fact that the word “autistic” is used as a tag, a label to our unusual personalities and intelligence, just shows that we are identified point blank and segregated from what others call the normal, the educated or maybe the misinformed. We are ostracized and branded right away as abnormal because of our looks, because of our behavior even without looking deeper who we really are. And the sad part, we are always exploited as "guinea pigs" by the so called “experts” because of their personal grandiosity, their selfishness and their hidden agenda. Scientists and pharmaceutical companies alike, who take advantage of us, think Autism as a disease. Whatever reasons you got in your mind, please leave us alone because I assure you We Are More Than Normal.
Maybe to those of you who can not function in a higher level of maturity or intelligence may try to stretch your imagination a little wider. Assuming you discovered a world of autistic and you the so called "normal person" entered their land, what do you think will become the norm? Will they label you abnormal, because you behave differently from the rest of the group? And because your behavior is unusual, will they conclude that you are infected by an unknown disease. What about if a normal dog is added to the group, will the dog be labeled abnormal too because he behaves differently from the rest of the group? And because he walks in his four feet and says words different to you like wooing, barking and howling, will they conclude that he is more infected with the same kind of disease that you have? Just asking!
And speaking of dogs, how come you spend too much time with them and not with us the “normal ones”? You diligently teach your dog new tricks everyday. You teach him how to sit, how to roll, how to jump and many more. You spend hours of hours of your time with him religiously. But did you have patience teaching us? Or you just neglect us because we are slow to pick up. Sometimes you even locked us up in our room. And the worst part, you send us to the laboratory or day care center because you can not bear us anymore. How come you give them more attention and we receive less care? How come when your dog does not follow your command you do not get mad? How come when you teach me to smile and I do not get it first time, you scold me, you shout at me and sometimes hit my head so hard. Do I need to be a dog in order for you to take good care of me? How come you buy them good food, nice clothes, expensive toys and I just have my old ones? I think if you compare us with your dog or pet, we are more "normal" than them. Do we, right? And how come you give them too much love and we get too much hate? Remember … I am your son! I am your daughter! I am your blood. I am a human being too.
I know it is society that controls our lives. We are pressured because they set norms - standards that we need to follow. But it does not mean that we must become slave because of their whims. You have intelligence just like me. You know what is right and what is wrong. And it does not mean that because it is right, you should be right too. When you walk your well trained dog in public and meet other people, you stand tall, give them a sweet smile and proud enough to show his tricks. However, when you walk along with your special kid in public, you try to cover your face, give everyone a sour look and if possible put him inside your pocket so nobody will see him. Why, are you ashamed that you have someone with you who is not like them? When your dog jumps on someone's coffee or barks in public, you simply say sorry to those that surrounds you, hug the dog and keep on going as if nothing happened. But when your special daughter accidentally spills a soda or erratically shouts out loud in public, you scold her, dragged her out of the scene and even humiliate her in front of these people. Why? Are you pressured by what people think about us? Or is it because you are pressured by how people react when they see us?
We just like to enjoy life just like the way you like to enjoy life. We simply do them in unusual and uncommon ways. Just like a special friend of mine who let a mixture of twelve wild geese and ducks in their white carpeted living room. He has a large box of Cheerios and having fun throwing them everywhere. The ducks are on the couch, the coffee table and one has somehow landed on top of the television. We call this happiness. It might look disastrous, but you just need to understand us just like the way you take care of us when we were babies and maintain this understanding all the way as we grow up. If you just let us flow within the context of a family system, not the system society wants to be, then both of us will have a peace of mind. Life is filled with happiness; you and I just need to work together to find it.
To all mothers, especially those who have special kids - in behalf of them, let me say “Happy Mothers’ day to all of you”. Hugs, Kisses and Love.
The World of Autistic
In the land of autistic,
a normal man is not welcomed.
He makes every effort
to prove he is not “different”.
But the autistics do not understand
and label him disoriented
and physiologically deviated.
One day, an autistic doctor
and a religious scientist
provided the normal man
a solution to his problem.
"To free yourself
from these sarcastic inputs
and damaging outputs
Let us operate your disordered brain."
"Miseries are experienced by extraordinary people because of how ordinary people contributes to their miseries" ~ Joey Lawsin.