by Desiree M Heigh
Saturday, March 22, 2003
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When I was young I was happy. Now that I'm older I'm always sad. I grew up pretending that my dreams would one day come true . Reality has hit me quite hard. Now I am blue. I dreamt of things I would become, places I wished to someday see, but most important who I would be. I dreamt of the children I would have and of a man who would love me. I built a perfect life for me. Now I know it was pure fantasy. All my life I've been very dependent on friends and family. I've learned a very valuable lesson, your family is who's always there in the end. My dreams have been shattered, my friends are no more. my heart is torn and tattered. Hoping someday will be completely restored. Where will this path lead me and why am I here? Will this be the way it is year after year? Will things get better? I know life is not fair. It is definitely worth living. The expression on my face shows that I care. Someone once told me, do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. I believe in karma. Then why does it seem to be untrue ? I have a complex about myself. That very few know about. I don't let it show, but I at times I feel worthless, useless,unwanted, and most important unloved. I want to be beautiful both inside as well as out. I feel that no one wants me without a doubt. I cry myself to sleep at night so that I am at peace. Even in my dreams I still scream and fight. Will this ever end or will I forever hide? My writing is my safe where everything can go my way. A place where I can be anything. I can be a mother which I've wanted for quite awhile. I can be a child or I can choose to be me. Writing is my place to escape. It is a world all my own where everything can happen both fiction and fairytale. My question is this will it ever pay the bills? Or should I give up these skills? As I sit outside,I watch the children laugh and play. It takes me back to that special place. Where I had no worries, no problems, no anxieties. The world was an adventure to me and I felt free. Now life has faded, my memory has been shaded and I feel jaded. When I was a little girl I wished to grow old, to become an adult,to be in control. Now I wish time could unroll and just let me be a kid again. That would be my zen. I used to apreciate the small things, but now all I have is broken dreams, pain and heartache in my life. That is my story.
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|Reviewed by Sandie Angel
This is soooooo sad! My heart goes out to you. I hope you will be able to shake off this depression that is pulling you down very soon.
As the saying goes:
"Life is not a bowl of cherries".....
but I think if it's not a full bowl - Then okay, we can eat half a bowl and feel good about ourselves.
Love your honest write! Take care!
Sandie Angel :o)
|Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
|i am sorry you feel sad, desiree. my prayers and thoughts are with you. i sometimes suffer depression myself, but i know that i have the loving support of friends and my twin sister to help me through the bad days. and i have the love and grace of my lord and saviour, jesus christ; and he is my rock when things get stormy. i rely on him to get me through, and so far he has NEVER let me down! i don't believe in karma; to me, that's bull. but if you want to know the honest truth, i rely on jesus more than anything. my life hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been nearly as bad as a lot of folks have had. i thank god for each day; and i am a living, walking, talking miracle! love, a friend in texas, karen lynn. (((HUGS))) to you, desiree! i, too, hope my writings bring me happiness! if anything, i write to encourage others and to lift their spirits; that is my mission in life. god gave me a gift, and he has blessed me tenfold! :)|