by Virago E DeSante
Thursday, June 03, 2004
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leafing through past thoughts
moments led astray
sleeping soundly through troubled dreams
the morning blinds intentions
and coherent thought is banished
I am on a strange trip today
the breeze stands my hairs on end
and I am feeling alone again
I am startled by something so immense
I am unprepared
I am falling apart
and not too sure you care
what should I think?
what should I feel about your silence
are you disguising your disposition?
what should I do
am I strong enough for this?
the world is spinning so quickly
beyond my control
and I'm left dizzy and nauseous from it
you're smiling now. what do you want?
what do you really want out of this?
moments are lost to this subterfuge
I can't fathom the depths of my own
should I be happy?
I want to be.
would you care for me?
should I be frightened?
would you cast me from you?
fears and worries and naught for comfort
except the fact that you did not run
from the room screaming
or the car, while it was moving
you wounded me, though
I think, more than you could
be conscious of
questions posed that shouldn't be
who else could ever stand in your stead?
whether in jest or nervousness
the simple fact that it crossed your mind
I am stiffling the need to run
I stop myself because I am terrified now
that you would not follow.