Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!


Featured Authors:  Richard French, iGeorg Mateos, iLaurie Conrad, iBelle Ami, iJ.J. Snow, iWilliam Cottringer, iSteven Ulmen, i

  Home > Humor > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Potato of Terror

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Articles
· Poetry
· News
· 11 Titles
· 46 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
Member Since: Before 2003


Subscribe to the Potato of Terror Newsletter. Enter your name and email below and click "sign me up!"
Potato of Terror, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Featured Book
Love Legends: A Fantasy Romance Boxed Set (5 Book Bundle)
by Sky Purington

Steal the keys to five realms with these five fantasy romances for a mere $.99 with this bundle simply bursting with love, lust, and power games. From witches and werewol..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

The Terror Tatties of Troon!
by Potato of Terror
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Not rated by the Author.
Share   Print  Save   Follow
Recent poems by Potato of Terror
•  Never Again
•  When Elephants Do Ballet
•  Potato Life
•  The Terrible Ghastly Beastliness of "The Potato Cadaver Undead Revival"
•  Isembard Ping
           >> View all 10

Dear reader, make sure you are sitting down before reading any further...

by ~The Potato of Terror~

'Twas a braw bricht moonlicht nicht tha' nicht,
I was barking at the moon
when oh, I got an awfy fricht
when I heard the Tatties of Troon!

And they roared like Mr. Roary Bear
and stamped their hairy feet;
I would be gang awa' nae meer
tae that end o' the street!

They twirled wet clooties in the air
and mooned wi' shameless glee;
and I was foolish tae bide there
for they soon spotted me.

I cannae mind if it was day
or middle o' the neet,
they pelted me wi' clods o' clay
and socks that smelt of feet;

they painted me wi' Wintergreen
they cried me "Southern Loony";
and for the neet they crowned me queen
dressed in a girlie's goonie.

They waved at me their winkies small
wearin' naught but leery grins;
and they began tae drink and brawl
and wobble their wee chins.

Twas then I made my quick escape
in a hijacked wee wain's pram;
wheeling along crying "Help!" and "Rape!"
and naeb'dy gave a damn.




awfy          = awful
bide, abide  = stay
braw          = beautiful
clootie        = teatowel, cloth
cried          = called
gang          = go, going
goonie        = dressing gown/robe
nae            = no
naeb'dy      = nobody
tae            = to
tatty         = potato
wain          = baby (not to confuse with bairn - child)

Wintergreen = insulating grease used by cross-channel swimmers (brand name)

bricht moonlicht nicht tha nicht = phonetically-spelt pseudo-Scottish way of saying "bright moonlight


The Potato of Terror's Home Page
Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Popular Poetry (Humor)
  1.  Atlanta Belle
  2.  Well, it's a job...
  3.  Five Stages of Rewrite
  4.  Torture chamber...
  5.  Mushmouth Kostro...
  6.  The Thrill is Gone
  8.  Whatchamacallit
  9.  Found!
  10.  Summer Doth Approach...

Deedee Divine's Totally Skewed Guide to Life by Diana Estill

From holiday hazards to riffs on road trips and the decline in our nation's GNP ("Gross Needless Products"), humorist Diana Estill sets loose her alter ego Deedee to share outrageo..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.