by ♥ Kari Hirshey ♥
Monday, January 10, 2005
Rated "G" by the Author.
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... second draft! :).
And my dear you put on your face,
And you always look so fantastic,
But now you look all the same,
So blank, lifeless... plastic.
Those eyes so full of firey passion;
Wonder they used to command,
Now set in such an empty fashion,
So blank, lifeless... bland.
Those lips whose expressive corners turned,
In accordance to every situation's sake,
Have forgotten the smiles they learned,
So blank, lifeless... fake.
And that empassioned voice so intense,
So full of life as was always suited,
Now drags so heavy and tense,
So blank, lifeless... muted.
And my dear you put on your face;
And as always, look fantastic,
But you'll lose yourself in this race,
And become so blank, lifeless... plastic.
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|Reviewed by Paul Williams
|Excellent and inspired write...looking forward to the finished product.
|Reviewed by jude forese
|sounds like he needs a makeover ... of his heart & soul ...|
|Reviewed by Judy Lloyd (Reader)
|I always look forward to how it ends up but if there is an eraser and it doesn't work. Try again. Neat.|
|Reviewed by Lori Moore
|I look forward to the final draft.|
|Reviewed by Regis Auffray
|This is a great start, Kari. It captures the attention and the imagination of your reader. I look forward to your finished product. No pressure. Sometimes, I start something; it's inspired and then I have to wait quite awhile for the rest to come. Good luck with it. Love and peace to you. Regis|
|Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
|sounds good so far, kari! can't wait to read the rest of it! nice job!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your tx. friend, karen lynn. :D
|Reviewed by Sue Hess
|good premise...i look forward to the finished product|