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Marcus_ Aurelius

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Cousin Saffron
by Marcus_ Aurelius

Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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We all know the dread feeling that precedes unwanted Christmas guests. Here I relate in verse the tale of the visit of a relative of mine from the orient, cousin Saffron, who's presence I managed to avoid through cunning and guile.




My distant cousin cousin Saffron

Sailed over from from Tibet

Fleeing from the chopstick gang

He'd work up quite a sweat


Taught by the Dalai Lama

His mind could bend three spoons

Through harvesting bad Karma

He'd been buggered by baboons


His grandfather Confucious

Himself dropped on his head

Had set out to confuse us

When Saffron's mum he wed


Poor Saffron bore the stigma

At school he was 'the Gimp'

They thought him an enigma

He spoke just like a pimp


"Yo blood w'apnin' bro?!'

His rapping was emphatic,

But when he called his teacher 'Ho'

They locked him in the attic


A red pool ball between his jaws

A ski-mask made of leather,

From wood he'd carved three Indian squaws

And married one named Heather.


The Art of War taught by Tsun Tsu

Flew over Saffron's head

When Shaolin monks taught him Kung Fu,

At night he'd wet the bed,


In deepest trance he'd navigate

Buddha's  Book of the Dead

Wherein the unborn copulate

And dance to Right Said Fred!


Now Saffron's boat arrived with Harry

Krishna was his name

He was a far from ordinary

Tranny on the game!


And so I groaned "my life's in ruin!"

To customs! I daren't falter 

After much angst and finger chewin'

I built a Mayan alter


'Abandon Hope' I daubed a sign

"It's Christmas and we're festive"

You'll taste good when you're doused in wine

Our cannibals are restive!"


You couldn't see their boat for spray

The frightened duo fled

They 'rama ramad' their dismay

While I slunk off to bed.





Please feel free to try this at home should any undesirables rock up at your house unannounced this Christmas.











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Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart 11/5/2008
LOL, you are a trip Marcus!! Took a look at your bio and it's great.

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