I huddle up inside myself, my stomach churning, twisted in knots as if it went through the ringer on the washing machine.
I crawl over to the corner of the room and make my body bend like an “L” in the corner.
I feel like a junkie on a Saturday night, searching for girl to flow through my veins; to relieve me of this aggravation and pain..
I want to stand up but it hurts to bad. I want to throw up but I have nothing left inside of me, for my insides have been turned inside out.
I wonder just how long this addiction will go on.
My hands claw into the hardwood floor, leaving scratches like a cat in heat. I growl like dog threatening to attack myself.
I am begging for someone to come relieve me of this pain; to shoot me; let me die so that I no longer will feel this aggravation.
Oh No! Here it comes again, from the pit of my bowels, comes pressure that chokes the life out of me.
God let me die. I hate this so called state of mind, its not ecstasy!
If I could reach inside myself I would turn my body inside out, then maybe I would feel okay, if not better.
Suddenly if feel your warm embrace, like pepto bismo or malox, I feel you soothing my insides.
I no longer want to be that corner “L”.
I feel myself wanting to stand tall like a capital “I”
The shakes and sweats dissipate, my heart begins to regulate.
You kiss me and tell me its okay.
And as I rise I begin feel freedom from my addiction, because I am with you now.
Free from my addiction because you are with me now. Maybe you didn’t hear me…. I am free of this damn addiction because you are with me now!!!
I hope that I can beat this, that I no longer need a fix, that I can conquer this addiction, …this addiction,… this damned addiction called LOVE.