i slip into
the skin of
someone else.
miles away from my head,
from my life.
i live inside them.

no one understands
the foreign language
that spills from my tongue
onto the floor
at my feet.

at your feet,
i see myself.
not my new-skin-self
the old me,
the empty shell.
there's no light behind my eyes
no fire.
but i am there
and you are none-the-wiser.
you're content to have me
under your thumb,
no matter what state i'm in.

i try to tell you how i feel
but my foreign language
prevents me from reaching you.
you stare at me.
you don't understand my speech.
my lips are moving,
but you don't hear a thing.
i can get to you.

and there she is
laughing with you
while i am unable to say a word.
and suddenly i'm rethinking
my decision.
from my body i could've done something
could've stopped this.
but now i can't.
i look you in the eye
and you see me, but don't
feel me there anymore.
and it hurts
much worse than anything
has hurt before
and i don't understand
how i let this happen.
how you let this happen.

you allowed me to be shut off from you.
and you don't care.
that stabs me deeper than
anything else.