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Patrick A Granfors

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Short Stories
· Strawberry Green Springs

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· Fabulous Eight Bean Soup

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· Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation

· Alzyisms - Part 6

· Somebody Blinked

· Bend

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· Standard Issue

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· Rainy Day Poem

· Can You Imagine

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  Naughty Valentines Day Limericks
by Patrick A Granfors
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Rated "PG" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Patrick A Granfors
•  Somebody Blinked
•  Drink About It
•  Bend
•  Dominos
•  Standard Issue
           >> View all 528

Just call me a true romantic.

There once was a young lady named Rose

Whose namesake described her repose

Though she loved to be wooed

When she was not in the mood

She would her thorns, not her petals expose


There was this golfer who tried to be good

To stay away from the greens if he could

So on Valentines Day

His home course he did play

And found good use for his balls and his wood


There was a lady who feared everything red

So Valentines Day filled her with dread

Then she met an eye doctor who

Prescribed for her lenses of blue

Within a month they were happily wed


There once was a nympho named Vicky

Who thought she would try something tricky

She dated each of six brothers

Without telling the others

And her life became decidedly sticky


There was a lady whose fortunes had flipped

In tanning booths the sunscreen she skipped

Her face became wrinkled

And so dry that it crinkled

Now she models for “Tales from the Crypt”


There was a man who bought a Valentines heart

For a lady who cruelly tore him apart

He could see love was missing

With no intimate kissing

So he blew her one with a fart


There was a young woman named Mandy

Who ate a whole box of Valentines candy

And although chocolate may do

She needed someone to screw

Because the aphrodisiac made Mandy get Randy


There was this strange guy who fell madly in love

With his inflatable doll and his glove

Though the conversations weren’t great

She was a cheap date

And on Valentines Day she would be his Deneuve


There was a young lady named Grace

Who had a truly angelical face

Then she bumped into Cupid

And his arrows made her stupid

Now they both shack up at her place


The was a young man who would walk a lot

To escape from his wife who would talk a lot

The plan nearly caused a riot

Till he found a way to keep her quiet

By buying her huge boxes of chocolate









Copyright 2010 Patrick A. Granfors





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Reviewed by Mary Ann Biddinger 2/15/2013
Limericks to lov'n a box of chocolats.. iggles !!
Lots of fun to read...xoxox

Lady Mary Ann
Reviewed by Regis Schilken 2/15/2011
Love the Limericks! Keep them coming. I've not tried my had at them yet in spite of the fact that I like rhyming poetry. I guess you can call them poetry--I do!

Reviewed by Liana Margiva 2/11/2010
EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 2/11/2010
Well Patrick, what can I say, you are the one that kiss and tell, I never ever ever told anybody how a naughty boy you are...although your local exorcist....well...


Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER 2/10/2010
No wonder said she to the doc,
his penis was hard as a rock,
but it lasted only a minute,
just as soon as he had it in it,
it melted like butter on toast,
did I say a minute, I meant a half minute at most.

and then there was Patrick, my dear,
that pencil he stuck in my ear,
the one with no lead,
too much writing I bet,
with wax on his pen,
poetic waxes now and then,

I buy poetic chocolates,
they're finger lickin good,
I put em on my penis,
as any good man would,
Champaigne I took to bed,
she loves chocolades she does,

you see after a while, unlike you, I can't go on, with the limericks that is, got to go, Blessings! Jasmin Horst
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 2/10/2010
As you know, I love limericks.

There's a fellow by the name of Patrick
Who's tried hard to score a hat trick
He has not succeeded
But if he is needed
He's an expert at laying a brick

Okay... ...makes not much sense (particularly if you don't play hockey) but I just could not resist. Thanks for the smiles, Patrick. Love and peace,

Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 2/10/2010
Oh you are good! What an interesting and delightful read...

Be always safe,
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 2/10/2010
I am too much of an angel to read naughty limericks, just ask either of my two brothers & one sister...ed
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader) 2/10/2010
I think there's a future for you at Hallmark Cards for sure. Loved all of these. Especially the sex-doll. Hmmm. Wonder why?
Reviewed by Mark Lichterman 2/10/2010
Very funny, Patrick and, I mean, how bad can things be if "a guy can find good use of his balls and his wood?"


Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 2/10/2010
Hahahahaha! These are hilarious! You sure got a way with words, Patrick...giggle....

Reviewed by neerja gandhi 2/10/2010
tee hee hee

  1. Dog's World
  2. Halloween is Coming!
  3. A Guitar
  4. Pop-Ups
  5. Addicted...
  6. Missed again...
  7. Ma's precious little accident...
  8. Did ya ever have a bad week...?
  9. It's All About Timing
  10. Mushmouth Kostro...
  11. Tits
  12. Updates
  13. Smile, Darn It
  14. Somebody Blinked
  15. The Last Splash of Summer
  16. Dillbert Pickle
  17. Valentine's Day
  18. Crack of Dawn...
  19. Kostro, the Dirtiest Man Alive...
  20. Procrastination

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