AuthorsDen.com  Join (free) | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Gwen Madoc, iDeanna Jewel, iKevin Weeks, iPatricia Garber, iLinda Frank, iClaire Power Murphy, HonDL, iStanley Ely, i
  Home > April Fools > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Tom Hyland

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 955 titles
· 4,095 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
·
Member Since: Feb, 2003

   Sitemap
   My Blog
   Success Story
   Contact Author
   Message Board
   Read Reviews

Books
· The New Jerusalem - Chapters 1 - 5

· Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons


Short Stories
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

· DADDY ... ADDENDUM

· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?

· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !

· ALL MY CARS - PART 2

· ALL MY CARS

· AU-TO-MO-BILES

· BIG LUG CONTINUED !

· SLURPEES !

· THE BIG LUG !


Articles
· Delegate or Stagnate

· THE PARTY OF NO - PART DOS !

· sick - sicK - SICK !

· Is Life Just an Impulse ?

· BGE Sucks !

· THE END !

· MEDITATION ?

· LES MISERABLES

· EBOLA CRISIS

· SICK OF TV ADS


Poetry
· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL

· DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?

· BIG 5 0 !

· COURAGE

· AS FOR ME ...

· LIFE IS LIKE ... A BOOK

· DRUTHERS 2 ... ?

         More poetry...
News
· PATRICIA ANN ALLEN

· JERSEY DEVIL... aka KNAVE WUSS-A-LOT Update !

· JERSEY DEVIL HANGING IN THERE STILL !

· ED MATLACK IN HOSPITAL !

· ONE MILLION !

· ONLY 2,639 TO GO!

· 805,000 + HITS !

Tom Hyland, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

  DEFECATION SEMANTICS
by Tom Hyland
Friday, March 25, 2011
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

Share   Print   Save Become a Fan


Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL
•  DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?
           >> View all 513





"Oh, John, you are so Romantic ...
Say something 'Soft and Mushy ..."

He thinks ... and Thinks ...

and THINKS ...


"DIARRHEA" !

YUK !

Only 7 Days to ... 'APRIL FOOLS' DAY' !






DEFECATION SEMANTICS

© - Tom Hyland - 3/25/11


Why is it that Some Words are ‘Vulgar’ -
While others are ‘Cute’?
Does the Connotation -
Require an Explanation?

Or - is Definition Dependent Upon -
Size or Condition?
Can the Resultant Observation -
Vary by Its Application?

For Some Odd Reason -
The First Title Word
Did Not Appear in my ‘Word’ Thesaurus -
Yet, the Verb Form ‘Defecate’ Did!

Let’s ‘Break it Down’ - Okay?
De-Fecate ... to Expel Feces!
That’s a ‘Number Two’ -
To The Human Species!

Now, One Must Apply -
Some Humor, or Some Wit -
To Avoid the Vulgate -
‘To Take A Shit’!

If What’s ‘Left Behind’ -
Came from a Cute Little Bunny -
It’s Merely a ‘Bunny Turd’
So, That’s a ‘Cute’ Word!

If the ‘Leavings’ are from a Doe -
Or Deer, Way Out in the Forest -
We call Them ‘Tracks’ -
While Vultures Might Regard Them as ‘Yummy Snacks’!

OMG - Is This Guy Nuts?
Or - Does he Simply ‘Have Guts’?
Is it Totally Un-Romantic -
To Be Overly Pedantic?

Should the ‘Droppings’ Be -
From a Much Larger Mammal -
Say a ‘Dump’ from an Elephant -
Is It more Gross? Must I Recant?

If On a Caravan, Out in the Desert -
Campfire Songs are Sung -
You’ll Enjoy the Aroma Of -
Roasting Camel ‘Dung’!

Should you Find on your Pantry Shelf -
‘Trails’ left by little Meeses -
You call them ‘Mouse-Turds’ -
Not ‘Meeses’ Pieces’!

Yet - Even Smaller ‘Tracks’ -
Cause you to be Taken Aback -
UGH! ‘Roach Shit’!
A Disgusting Attack!

Although the Size May Be -
Quite Diminutive -
Much Money to an ‘Exterminator’
You WILL Give!

While Out on a Ranch -
Or - Along a Trail -
A ‘Pile’ of ‘Horse-Turds’
May be Seen ... Isn’t That Just ‘Keen’?

Should It Be a Steer or a Cow -
Out in a Meadow -
We call Them ‘Meadow Muffins’ -
Notice How Your Intolerance ‘Toughens’?

“Horse-Shit - It Makes The Grass Grow Green”
So - Then we call It ‘Fertilizer’ -
Now That I’ve Explained -
Don’t You Feel - So Much ‘Wiser’?

© - TKH.



Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!




Reviewed by Regis Auffray 3/26/2011
Thanks for the laughs, Tom; I always appreciate your wit and humor. Love and peace to you,

Regis
Reviewed by Donna Chandler 3/26/2011
It's obvious that you've put a great deal of time and thought into this inspirational, poetic piece. As soon as I read the first line, I knew this was written by a male. Very cute and oh so true but not very romantic for your sweetie. :)

Donna
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 3/25/2011
Sure wish I could pick up that adorable puppy and fill his or her life with lots of love, hugs, and kisses! Oh and please keep that pup clean...

Be always safe,
Karen
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 3/25/2011
Mr Ed squats & dumps in the grass with his dogs but the Jersey Devil only does so in the pine barrens and doesn't do so to be politically correct, like you...Jerseeeeeeey
Reviewed by Chip Bergeron 3/25/2011
And then there are times when a shit nis just a shit....right???

Enjoyed muchly,

Chip Bergeron
Reviewed by Patrick Granfors 3/25/2011
Ah yes, a subject dear to my fart oh wise one. Patrick
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 3/25/2011
And, if you should stumble across,

What that old Jersey Ed left behind,

I suggest you run like a bat out of hell,

That aroma, will quickly make you blind!



PS: That's why I ran away from home at such a young age.



PPS: I actually like the smell of Meadow Muffins.

PPPS: And on a cold winter's night,
If you ever run out of firewood,
Try some Mighty Moose Turds,
They do burn, real good!!

Reviewed by Chantilly Lace (Reader) 3/25/2011
OMG......you are a riot your killin me...LOL all I can say is holy shit ... you are something else darlin....Hugsss,much love sweet TK

Books by
Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..







Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.