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Tom Hyland

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Books by Tom Hyland
  DEFECATION SEMANTICS
by Tom Hyland
Friday, March 25, 2011
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  ELF # 1
•  SHRIMPY
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
           >> View all 515





"Oh, John, you are so Romantic ...
Say something 'Soft and Mushy ..."

He thinks ... and Thinks ...

and THINKS ...


"DIARRHEA" !

YUK !

Only 7 Days to ... 'APRIL FOOLS' DAY' !






DEFECATION SEMANTICS

© - Tom Hyland - 3/25/11


Why is it that Some Words are ‘Vulgar’ -
While others are ‘Cute’?
Does the Connotation -
Require an Explanation?

Or - is Definition Dependent Upon -
Size or Condition?
Can the Resultant Observation -
Vary by Its Application?

For Some Odd Reason -
The First Title Word
Did Not Appear in my ‘Word’ Thesaurus -
Yet, the Verb Form ‘Defecate’ Did!

Let’s ‘Break it Down’ - Okay?
De-Fecate ... to Expel Feces!
That’s a ‘Number Two’ -
To The Human Species!

Now, One Must Apply -
Some Humor, or Some Wit -
To Avoid the Vulgate -
‘To Take A Shit’!

If What’s ‘Left Behind’ -
Came from a Cute Little Bunny -
It’s Merely a ‘Bunny Turd’
So, That’s a ‘Cute’ Word!

If the ‘Leavings’ are from a Doe -
Or Deer, Way Out in the Forest -
We call Them ‘Tracks’ -
While Vultures Might Regard Them as ‘Yummy Snacks’!

OMG - Is This Guy Nuts?
Or - Does he Simply ‘Have Guts’?
Is it Totally Un-Romantic -
To Be Overly Pedantic?

Should the ‘Droppings’ Be -
From a Much Larger Mammal -
Say a ‘Dump’ from an Elephant -
Is It more Gross? Must I Recant?

If On a Caravan, Out in the Desert -
Campfire Songs are Sung -
You’ll Enjoy the Aroma Of -
Roasting Camel ‘Dung’!

Should you Find on your Pantry Shelf -
‘Trails’ left by little Meeses -
You call them ‘Mouse-Turds’ -
Not ‘Meeses’ Pieces’!

Yet - Even Smaller ‘Tracks’ -
Cause you to be Taken Aback -
UGH! ‘Roach Shit’!
A Disgusting Attack!

Although the Size May Be -
Quite Diminutive -
Much Money to an ‘Exterminator’
You WILL Give!

While Out on a Ranch -
Or - Along a Trail -
A ‘Pile’ of ‘Horse-Turds’
May be Seen ... Isn’t That Just ‘Keen’?

Should It Be a Steer or a Cow -
Out in a Meadow -
We call Them ‘Meadow Muffins’ -
Notice How Your Intolerance ‘Toughens’?

“Horse-Shit - It Makes The Grass Grow Green”
So - Then we call It ‘Fertilizer’ -
Now That I’ve Explained -
Don’t You Feel - So Much ‘Wiser’?

© - TKH.



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Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Thanks for the laughs, Tom; I always appreciate your wit and humor. Love and peace to you,

Regis
Reviewed by Donna Chandler
It's obvious that you've put a great deal of time and thought into this inspirational, poetic piece. As soon as I read the first line, I knew this was written by a male. Very cute and oh so true but not very romantic for your sweetie. :)

Donna
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo
Sure wish I could pick up that adorable puppy and fill his or her life with lots of love, hugs, and kisses! Oh and please keep that pup clean...

Be always safe,
Karen
Reviewed by Ed Matlack
Mr Ed squats & dumps in the grass with his dogs but the Jersey Devil only does so in the pine barrens and doesn't do so to be politically correct, like you...Jerseeeeeeey
Reviewed by Chip Bergeron
And then there are times when a shit nis just a shit....right???

Enjoyed muchly,

Chip Bergeron
Reviewed by Patrick Granfors
Ah yes, a subject dear to my fart oh wise one. Patrick
Reviewed by Mr. Ed
And, if you should stumble across,

What that old Jersey Ed left behind,

I suggest you run like a bat out of hell,

That aroma, will quickly make you blind!



PS: That's why I ran away from home at such a young age.



PPS: I actually like the smell of Meadow Muffins.

PPPS: And on a cold winter's night,
If you ever run out of firewood,
Try some Mighty Moose Turds,
They do burn, real good!!

Reviewed by Chantilly Lace (Reader)
OMG......you are a riot your killin me...LOL all I can say is holy shit ... you are something else darlin....Hugsss,much love sweet TK

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