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Carolyn HowardJohnson

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Member Since: Mar, 2001


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Poetry: Carolyn's Answer to the Inadequacy of Viagara
by Carolyn HowardJohnson

Friday, November 24, 2006
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Carolyn HowardJohnson
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           >> View all 5

Disclaimer: Do not read if you humor bone is in disrepair.

I am traveling again and am sharing a new recipe cum poem that was inspired by a tour guide names Margarita (I kid you not) from Cozumel..

Ode to the Impossible Aphrodesiac

Disclaimers everywhere. Viagara's

ads no exception. Thus, this recipe

for love from the island of Cozumel

 may be no more wishful

than those more pharmaceutical:

By the beam of flashlight,

or yellow Caribbean moon,


(for the active ingredient

herein is protected by law)

dig sea turtle eggs

from their warm sandy nests,

once mama turtle slides

her huge body back to sea,

and poses no danger to the body

about to swipe her precious

young, perhaps to give it the

wherewithal to make

young of its own.


Carry warm cerveza,

(any  Mexican brand) limes filched

from a local's tree.  Stow,


Tabasco, rock salt,

in a backback, courage

in to still weak knees

and raging pulse. Mix

together to taste. Mexicanos

unsure if the elicit quality

of the midnight escapade

works its magic

or the potency of the ingredients,

sure only that what worked

for Mayans may be your desire's


(Warning: Do not use without the advice of your physician and the protection of a Mexican outlaw. Do not attempt use if you adore sea turtles or support environmental causes for the guilt induced may outweigh the aphrodisial qualities of the remedy. The tour guide nor the poet take responsiblity for any results, either positive or negative.)


Carolyn Howard-Johnson is an award-winning poet and the author of a chapbook of poetry, Tracings, the winner of the Military Writers Socieity of America's Silver Award of Excellence. She is also the author of several other books and contributes regularly to poetry and review journals.


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Reviewed by Kristian Mahrling-Harding 3/11/2014
LOL...oh thank you so much for my morning chuckle. since i am a certified herbalist (not the only thing i am certifiable for, i assure you) however...horny goatweed may be a simpler alternative...or perhaps...just sayin'.....CHOCOLATE??? but then...where is the adventure in that?
thanks again, Carolyn.
many blessings
Reviewed by The Poetess 1/12/2011
Funny! The setting reminds me of a vacation near the south Mexican sea. Oh how nice and warm the ocean was there, and how gracefully quiet were those grande tortugas who walked the beach with me. Anyway, this was an interesting remedy.
Reviewed by John Domino 1/24/2010
Reviewed by Paul Judges 12/16/2009
Very well written, Carolyn
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 5/26/2009
Very well penned Carolyn. Maybe yours would make a more sensible Viagra ad than the ones we see on television. Giggle.....

Reviewed by jude forese 3/8/2009
though my humor bone is broken at the moment, your whimsical prose momentarily solidified my funny bone with a temporary cast wrapped with creative effort ...
Reviewed by Mark Chevalier (Reader) 3/7/2009
I am so fed-to-the-teeth with those commericals. I rate them right up there with commercials that talk about that, "Not so fresh feeling."

It seems there could be much better use of funds than finding a cure for sexual dysfunction. I don't cancer, down-syndrome, spinal injuries, etc...

I enjoyed the fact that you made light of it, having a little jest.

Reviewed by Ken Chartrand 6/6/2008
Hi Carolyn, I read your poem, "Carolyn's Answer to the inadequacy of Viagra" Humorous and insightful, well done. Please feel free to visit my site here in the "Den"
Reviewed by Sheila Roy 4/8/2008
Fun to read and very creative! Nicely done. Love and Hugs,
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 3/27/2008
really well expressed! Enjoyed!
Reviewed by Chris Wright 12/9/2007
It really rocks! & I thik Bob Doyle should read this on the next Viagara commercial.
Reviewed by Bennett 5/20/2007
Reviewed by Crissy Foster 1/20/2007
I think I will stick to a shot or two, LOL.
Great write!
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/12/2007
Thank you for sharing the humor, Carolyn. Delightful. Love and peace,

Reviewed by Rick Lodewell 1/10/2007
I love your 28 flavors of Ice cream!
Reviewed by Barbara Terry 11/29/2006
I echo Sheee, just how much was in that drink, and how much peyote did you say you had? Giggle. I couldn't stop smiling either, because if someone needs viagra to...well you know, but anyways in what you say here Viagra is definitely not needed. Giggle. Thank you Carolyn for sharing this humorously light piece.

May the Lord Jesus bless you, and those whom you love, and be with you always, and at your side constantly. With much love in my heart, joy to the world, peace on earth, & ((((((((((MANY WONDERFUL SISTERLY HUGGGGSSSS)))))))))), your little den sister, Barbie

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Reviewed by Poetess of The Soul Sheila G 11/26/2006
This was good!
I couldn't stop smiling!
How much did you say you had lol

Thanks for sharing this with us Carolyn!
Warmest Blessings of PEACE and JOy!
WArm HuGs,Sheee
Reviewed by Constance Gotsch 11/25/2006
LOL This makes my day
Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor (Reader) 11/24/2006
And have you been in the tequila?

Have a sounds wonderful...

Reviewed by ~ Holly Harbridge (Reader) 11/24/2006
Oh my God, I died laughing at this one!
Reviewed by Rusty Daily 11/24/2006
Your humor is...elevating. lol

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