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Felix LeRoy Perry

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Member Since: Sep, 2004

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and I weep
by Felix LeRoy Perry

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
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           >> View all 1,736

Since my heart went I have gone through many stages and one of the worst to deall with I think is the feeling of depression...this is kind of dark and sad but also how I feel at times so...here it is


 

 

 

 

…and I weep

 

 

I once walked tall with head held high

proud of all I’d done I will not lie

but some say pride comes before the fall

so fall I did with whispered sigh

 

 

still kept the faith the best I knew how

wore a smile and played their game

they chipped away at what was left of me

till nothing left ‘cept a sense of shame

 

 

Doctor’s visits, blood work, test after test

most days I hid my hurt and tried to hide

but in a hospital bed privacy is rare

so I’d bite my tongue the last of pride

 

 

the gray clouded days go by like an endless train

weeks, months and years just barely creep

they’ve taken all I ever had to keep

now all that I can do is hide and weep…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Reviewed by Tabitha Carter 4/18/2009
I felt the depression as the water underneath that eye poured through with these "more-than-words" upon the screne. Makes me sad and know the feeling. Sometimes I hate emotion because it's so damn real. Swallow the pride and write it, Fee. You write so truthfully and youthfully at times...you are full of every emotion and do a fine job relaying it to ohers!
Reviewed by Sheila Roy 4/5/2009
Thank you for sharing these feelings, Fee. I have mixed feelings about my hospital stay. It was the first time ever I had folks looking in places that don't see the sun. And you're right about having no privacy. No real rest, either. However, it was also the first time in decades I had someone taking care of ME. That kinda felt good. Keep that heart ticking:)
Sheila
Reviewed by Gwen Dickerson 4/3/2009
Powerfully and extremely well expressed! Bravo!
Reviewed by Gwendolyn Thomas Gath 4/2/2009

Emotionally filled a very well written.
Sadly laddened utterly heartfelt.

Blessings,
Gwendolyn

Reviewed by J'nia Fowler 4/2/2009
I hear you and I understand completely what it feels like to be depressed. Thank you for your honesty; now there is something to be proud of. Bless you and a giant hug too. J'nia
Reviewed by Bernice Lakota 4/2/2009
"but in a hospital bed privacy is rare

so I’d bite my tongue the last of pride"

I don't like hospitals one bit, they do have a way of stipping you of the pride you have left. This is heart heavy my friend, I hope you weep no more.
Reviewed by Liana Margiva 4/2/2009
'Now all that I can do is hide and weep'--------- I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 4/2/2009
Wow! Very powerful poem. I love the lyrical flow of your poem, Felix. Great job!
Reviewed by Dawn Anderson 4/2/2009
Such a powerful write and honest write, Fee....and honesty is one of the things I lie best about your work.
Reviewed by Bobbi Duffy 4/2/2009
I feel your pain and loss of hope, not because I am in the same place, but because you expressed it so well. Each word deepened my attachment to you and your pain. Well done Felix.

Bobbi
Reviewed by Jon Willey 4/1/2009
a powerful poem of the consequences of love swept away -- peace and love-- Jon Michael
Reviewed by Myrna Badgerow 4/1/2009
Just as there different stages of grief so are there different stages of acceptance.. we go forward and we go backward.. we lose and gain... it is as it should be...) Well expressed piece Fee...

Myrna
Reviewed by Jack Kuperman 4/1/2009
It is a very powerful poem.
Reviewed by Natasha Head 4/1/2009
Not so many years ago I had to help my own Dad deal with these same thoughts and emotions. A real trial of faith for sure. In this situation the soul that is you gets replaced by a host of strangers and it is frightening indeed to realize just how fragile we can be despite our best efforts. I enjoyed this piece very much as I could so well relate to the experience you have shared with us. God speed on your roaf to healing :)
Reviewed by Chantilly Lace (Reader) 4/1/2009
Ditto sweet Fee..just remember there's a lot who love you out there...and I think your wonderful.....please keep smiling...Hugsss
Love,
Chanti Lace xoxo
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 4/1/2009
Depression is so horrendous, and so many often suffer from it. And I truly hope much brighter days are ahead.
Reviewed by Rose Rideout 4/1/2009
So many suffer from this Fee and I know it isn't easy to make the change when we don't make that decision ourselves but are forced into it because of our health. It is easier for others to say get use to it then it is for us to adjust. Hope all is well Cuz.

Love ya face Cuz XOXOXO, Rose
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 4/1/2009
Depression is horrible; I know. I have it, too, sometimes; some days it's all I can do to hold my head up or keep from crying! But I do have the Lord with me, and He is what sustains me, even on those days where I feel so alone! I hope you feel better soon; you are ever in my prayers and thoughts! Powerfully penned sadness, Fee; well written!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :( >tears! <
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 3/31/2009
i know so well of what you write, my dear friend-yoou have expressed that dark place very well
Reviewed by Cynthia Buhain-Baello 3/31/2009

Your poem bares the weariness of all that is human, but God in His goodness has promised you..."Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not feel faint." (Isaiah 40:30-31)
I pray for you today, that God bless you with renewed health of body and soul that you may enjoy His Presence all the days of your life.

"The Lord is close the the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Cynthia
Reviewed by Emile Tubiana 3/31/2009
Dear FELIX, With such a name, nothing can happen to you. Now that you got it all out and shared it with us, you will be healed. There is a Bedouin poem which says: "From my tears rivers have flowed, I could not find a doctor who could heal me, and when she came back to me, my tears stopped flowing. I thanked God for sending her to me." Let's pray together that you too will be healed soon. Love Emile
Reviewed by Ann Marquette 3/31/2009
Ah Felix, I know your struggle, but I also know the joy of coming out of it and the blessings of everyday. I love the song by Josh Groban "You Raise me Up"...it lifts the spirits to the highest mountains knowing God is with us.
Love and blessings to you dear Felix...You will survive this and come out the MUCH BETTER SIDE OF IT :-)

ann
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 3/31/2009
I know, Fee, believe me ... nearly 50, disabled, no real education, no transportation ... who's going to hire me?!? Living on less than $250.00/month. After bills, what money for saving or anything else?!? You are in my prayers - keep me in yours. POWERFULLY penned (and felt!!!).

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. :(
Reviewed by Michelle Mead 3/31/2009
:( No one knows what it is like to be unable to work the way you used to because of becoming disabled unless they experience that sense of loss and mourning themselves- it's a daily battle, and anyone who says different isn't really being honest with themselves, so I thank you for your honesty here, and just ride the wave, lol, it will rise and fall many more times in the future- just make sure you continue to rise WITH it, blessings as always, Michelle
Reviewed by Linda Law 3/31/2009
Dear Friend... the poem is genuine...that we can read...and the depression is part of the pain that goes with becoming old, poor health, losing jobs, homes, and loved ones... it's just a natural (altho not very kind..part of life)! The thing is that you have come such a long way, and you are still finding ways to raise above the things had pull you down...and in your battle, you reach out to others, give us hope, and lift us from our own shadows of darkness. So many of us are going thru things like this; things that are not kind to us...and remind us way too often how our pride (albeit not so good) is all we have! I know that you will come out from under this cloud of darkness, and once again jump in and give a hand, a kind word, and whatever else it takes to lift the spirits of others...So, I pray that you know that you are loved...you are admired and respected by so many of us here at AD and I know wherever you are as well... Afterall...surely even Santa has that time after all the busy is over, and the deliveries are made...and then..."Is that all there is?" settles in.... but....tomorrow is still there, and like the God that I love reminds me... THERE WILL BE JOY IN THE MORNING! HUGS and lots of good wishes...lindalaw
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 3/31/2009
Been there, depression wise, and even with anti-depressants I find I am still there every so often...Ed
Reviewed by Juliet Waldron 3/31/2009
Illness and depression go hand in hand, and the whole mind/body system gets together to put you under ground. Hang in there, Fee---this is so sad, and after having my own trip to the cremation ground, I understand where it comes from. It helps to write, though, and turn the pain into your golden words. hugs--
Reviewed by Christine Alwin 3/31/2009
awwww, this drips with sadness,,, but one we can all relate to, as life is not always shining of the sun, but we have days clouded too.
but my Mama said "The sun will come up tomorrow" :)
Hugs,
Christine
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 3/31/2009
Oh brother! I should had kept myself a little nearer of your turf, because if I were, you have had the great of life's times.
Nothing more aggravating than an old Marine with a crate of Captain Morgan dark rum under one arm and a dear buddy with the blues under the other. (depression? that was in 1929...too long ago, pal)

Georg



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