I’m a not so gardener
I not so garden all the time
Not so gardening is a passion
one of many that are mine.

I’m an avid a not so gardener
I even wrote a book
It’s called Not So Landscape Garden
it’s really worth a look.

My garden’s full of weeds and shrubs
the grass is overgrown
and with my not so lawn mower
it’s often not so mown.

I’ve often lost a child or two
when they’ve gone out to play,
a nephew and his auntie's niece
when they came round to stay.

I know they’re out there somewhere
even though the grass is tall
if you listen carefully
you can often hear their call.

The police sent out a search team but
they haven’t seen them since:
a female forensic scientist
and a Constable called Vince.

All of them are missing
but we know  they’re still alive
we always see their camp fire smoke
every day at half past five.

Next time you not so garden
can you cast a thought my way
I’ve lost my pets my kids my wife
now her mothers come to stay.