I am looking at your face,
So white, and in repose.
You look as if asleep,
But, there’s no movement in your nose.
I am listening for you to speak.
I want to hear your voice.
I hear no sound,
And know it isn’t your choice.
‘Why are you doing this to me?
Wake up, Dad, please wake.
I want to talk again to you,
Open your eyes, an interest take.
You have always been part of my life,
Please, do not leave.
Wait a while,
Another day,
I don’t want to grieve.
Where have you gone?
You were not old.
You face has no light,
And you are so cold.
What made you leave,
No warning that you would.
I was surprised.
You would have told me if you could’.
----
I sat with you for many hours,
Over the next few days.
Now not expecting a look or word.
The good book says,
'There are many mansions'.
To which one have you gone?
I had to learn that life had fled,
That death its battle won.
I have a picture in my head,
Of your last day with me.
It is still clear, but painful,
To see what had to be.
But it blanks out
Other images, of your busy life
At present it seems as though,
Your life was pain and strife.
But I know that wasn't really true .
You were a happy person.
You loved each day you were here,
Only death has left this version.
This image keeps reality,
Fixed in my mind, though bad.
If I don't understand you're gone,
I shall go really mad.
Soon after your burial,
I felt a need to find a spade.
To dig you up and see you,
So your image wouldn't fade.
And I would talk again to you,
And say goodbye once more.
But, I knew that after that,
You would go back as before.
----
I now know that when you died,
You felt not the pain I saw.
Your soul had left before that time.
Your body was not raw.
That all who die leave,
Before the suffering is too great.
As in your life, so in death,
You could not be late.
I understand that behind the veil,
You will be aware.
You will feel the love from me.
I believe you’ll always care.
So, I bid you farewell,
I can do that at last.
But, only because I know,
You are now not in the past.
You are with me in the present,
And will be in future years.
And will guide my footsteps,
So no more need for tears.
----
I wish more people knew.
----
Death is a beginning,
Not the end as it may seem.
That life continues, the loss is real,
But continuity is a beam.
An energy that can be found,
Given,to make us glad.
That good people go to heaven,
Which has no room for the bad.
There can be life after this one ends.
I know this now for sure.
As you have given me knowledge,
It is final but so pure.
Through illness and much pain,
You have kept my spirit true .
I feel greatly privileged,
That my Father has been you
CopyrightACoatesworth 2010.
The poem is in the book 'From Darkness to Light' by Audrey Coatesworth - available as paperback and ebook.