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Meeting Ray Winstone
He was sat and I a writer tried to sell my book to him. If you at any time in your life meet a 'god' of cinema. Please do be yourself! I tried to be like Danny Dyer. I did not at that time knew that he disliked Mr Dyer. He gave me the third 'shoulder'. He gave me a hard time. He looked into my eyes and said 'You could hang with my daughters'. I was a bit bemused as I told him about my last wife. 'I know about Rochdale son. Most Pakistanies are childgroomer's. 'Easy Geaszer' I said - 'I do not beat girls but and I will honour your Jamie'. I tore him. I told him about my reputation. He was happy and gave me a 'kiss of death'. I've been in police lock up ever since. He rang me up after a week. 'Father Ted' he said 'Are you going to stop selling your books!' He said. 'No Honarto' I said
A mother has three kids She asks the eldest what you want to be! He said 'I wants to be important. He asks the middle son the same question He said he wants to be rich. She asks the youngest son He said he wants to be famous. This is the story of my own. My brothers all turned out to be crooks and theives and i a 'Bigamist'
Asking For a Directions
I asked a police and a drug dealer for directions. The police gave me some free drugs, £100 in cash and the drug dealer took it!
Full Time Jobs
If you're boyfriend or girlfriend should decide to leave you they should give you 2 weeks notice, severance pay & get you a temp before leaving!
Cooking on TV
Pointless watching cooking on tele! I watched and cooked for years and it was nothing like the picture. It's like getting married to a dog. When you marry a girl. At first they look good. Then a year later they look like the dog you never wanted. Why? You should had seen her mother!