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Home > william b lightfoot
 

Recent Reviews for william b lightfoot


Physically Fit (To Be Tied) © (Short Story) - 11/24/2009 1:36:21 PM
I've got to say, I was definitely surprised by your story. I clicked on the first "Rated R" story on the list, since those are almost always the most interesting, and was curious to see if it had anything to do with the plot of an adult movie I own "Fit To Be Tied." But enough about me: You do show some pretty strong writing ability in your story, and I think the mistakes that you made here are the exact building blocks that a writer of your style need to focus on improving. Most important of all, and at the same time the most trivial, are spelling errors. For whatever reason, you decided to spell the street names differently each time you wrote them (i.e., Maple/Maples, Elem/Elm). These kinds of careless mistakes distract close readers and take away from the pull of the plot itself. Secondly, while you seem to have a vast verbal arsenal, try not to go too crazy with it. Word choice is more than picking as many million-dollar words as you can, it is about picking the best, most accurate, most efficient words you can. What ends up happening with the "coolest" words is that your descriptions become somewhat sporadic, as these kinds of word choices are meant for only very specific instances, and dragging them places where they don't belong can damage the integrity of a passage. The biggest example from the passage: "Harry and Marge were frozen in place, dumbfounded, completely zombified in an ungodly state of euphoric oblivion. Before they could snap out of their catatonic comas, a red Pontiac station wagon buried itself, nose first up to the driverís door, in the yard right beside them." This is very wordy, although it does show that you have experience with some higher vocabulary. I think, though, that "an ungodly state of euphoric oblivion" might not actually mean what you were going for. I get it, but I think there could have been a better choice in words. Of course, I respect your own stylistic expression, and if you're sure meant "euphoric oblivion," then don't sweat it when I say different. The only other thing I might have revised had it been my story is the sort of tacked-on moral at the end. With such a dramatic, purposeful break in normal grammar with "Never once looking back," I really think the story would have done better to stop there. All the explanation does (for me anyway) is cheapen the story and spoil any reason to ever read the story again or discuss it any way. Overall, I think it was a well developed scene, and the mention of the several different models of car added some realism to it. Again, the surprise was perfectly executed. Good job.

Peace Within the Fury © (Poetry) - 5/21/2010 4:09:41 AM
Lovely reminder that all is well, for God is with us, His children. I Love You Dearly and am so proud of you! I remember when you wrote this.... H&K, C&C, 123 forever and always

Church Bay Morn © (Poetry) - 11/25/2009 8:52:14 AM
Very nicely done, William, I can feel the winter air encircling my head! Much peace, love, and light, Amber "V"

Sunny Day © (Poetry) - 11/16/2009 10:11:12 AM
Excellent poem.take care.Keep up the great work

Scars from the Wrist © (Poetry) - 11/16/2009 10:09:54 AM
A well written poem.I enjoy reading it.take care

Sunny Day © (Poetry) - 11/15/2009 8:58:20 AM
Another wonderful poem. You have a style that is very enjoyable and enlightening. Keep up the great work. Much peace, love, and light, Amber "V"

Scars from the Wrist © (Poetry) - 11/15/2009 8:56:20 AM
William, This is wonderful poetry. I could feel the emotion and the release. You have a talent, please never stop writing. Much peace, love, and light, Amber "V"

Little Angel © (Poetry) - 10/28/2009 3:56:17 AM
William, What a sweet and wonderful poem about a father's love. I love your tenderness shown in this poem. Much peace, love, and light, Amber "V"

Sunny Day © (Poetry) - 10/28/2009 2:51:10 AM
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva

A Feather in the Wind © (Poetry) - 10/28/2009 2:49:16 AM
VERY NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva

Little Angel © (Poetry) - 10/28/2009 2:46:45 AM
WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva

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