Recent Reviews for Justin Bumgarner
Final Resting Place (Short Story) - 12/13/2006 6:24:29 AM|
you little punk! you ever try to get this published and i'll sue!
i can't believe you. if your gonna put me in a story at least make me the hero that gets all the ladies, not just a random grave. well, anyway other than the coolest charecter already being dead this is a pretty great story so far..(I stopped reading after the paragraph with my name in it but i'll get around to finishing it soon) well give me a call sometime and i'll give you my new cell number. yeah i finally got one. well take it easy cuz and keep the thrillers comin.
Story of the Year (Short Story) - 11/26/2006 11:48:43 AM
With the exception of the mis-spelled word "sober" in one place, this is an EXCELLENT story. I really liked this one.
A well-told story that is filled with suspense and very entertaining. Thank you for posting!
Sandie Angel a.k.a. Sandie May Angel :o)
Story of the Year (Short Story) - 11/24/2006 10:00:08 PM
I'm convinced that your stories are some of the wierdest things I've ever read. You write things like Steven King does, and this proves it. Well done, Justin, very well done.
Like Father (Short Story) - 11/24/2006 9:48:27 PM
You know what? Your stories are a bit...different than what other people usually write, which makes them unique. This one was strange, but at the same time, different. Nice work, Justin.
Final Resting Place (Short Story) - 11/22/2006 11:02:22 PM
Ok, first off, don't take this too hard. This story has a lot of unlocked potential. I'm not trying to come off as pretentious, but you asked for help, and since you were so kind enough as to review my work, I'm going to give my honest opinion.
I think the bar scene at the beginning could use a touch up. You need to grab the reader with a great line...like maybe..."Another one?" The bartender spat as I raised my hand to order another shot of Jack, my seventh of the night"
"Look, I'm thirsty," I sighed......
To me, that would be a great intro because of two things. The first is that the reader is wondering what could cause you to drink 7 shots of Jack Daniels in the first place....its instant curiousity. The second is that it sets up the story for some dark, twisted place. A place that many people are drawn to, even if they have led perfect lives.
I would consider two things on your next rewrite. One is, as the great Stephen King wrote: "Less is more" When you are building suspense, don't get overly concerned with your grammar. Write in context with your character. Let he or she express what they feel, not what you want to relay. I think that this is the hardest part of writing. I think we all write to quell some pain, elaborate on every emotion, that we have ever felt. This is the part that either draws the reader too us, or pushes them away.
Ok, this review is turning into a book by itself :) To sum it up, this has the potential for a great story, the characters are interesting and will be a lot more compelling under the right lighting...give them the light that they want. And feel free to use any of my suggestions or ask for more.
Good luck man
Final Resting Place (Short Story) - 11/20/2006 8:52:09 PM
Wow...Amazingly written! You should consider a novel, this could be turned into an excellent piece as a novel, or for a short story for an anthology.
You should come join the Permuted Press Board. There's a lot of authors here who would be willing to give you suggestions. www.permutedpress.com/forum
Enjoyed your story, well done!
Final Resting Place (Short Story) - 11/20/2006 5:26:42 PM
I enjoyed this one and you did a hell of a job with this in the rewrite. I really start to think you should get this story sent to a few anthologies, I know you're young and not confident enough to send stories out for publication but I think you're ready with this one. I agree with J. Eastin on this one being a fun take on death, but it is also a really dark one. Keep them coming man, I think you got what it takes.
Final Resting Place (Short Story) - 11/17/2006 12:09:40 PM
What a fun muse on death. I'd love ot hear what happens to him after the flames... Good Luck!