The Trickster and the Howling Wind© (Book) - 5/28/2009 5:08:29 PM
Looking good, Lisa! I agree with Christy that it's eye catching and I also like your concept as well.
The Trickster and the Howling Wind© (Book) - 6/21/2008 5:58:41 PM
This looks like a fun book that children will be into.
At Home on the Edge© (Book) - 6/21/2008 4:54:48 PM
i'd love to read the book, it sounds very interesting
At Home on the Edge© (Book) - 6/7/2008 6:06:24 AM
Hi, I love this poem; it has a great feel, with powerful and emotive lines; good flow. I would be interested in reading more.
Mark, Angel Editing
The Trickster and the Howling Wind© (Book) - 5/26/2008 10:43:48 AM
The cover is very eye catching and the illustrations are richly vibrant. I love the magic you weave with your tale!
NO BETTER WAY© (Short Story) - 6/23/2008 12:59:54 PM
Amazingly well delivered. The twin metaphors of death and cold that slowly smother life and passion. Keep writing.
NO BETTER WAY© (Short Story) - 6/18/2008 4:34:48 PM
Your story is interesting, Lisa, and it says a lot in a few words. The statement: Love, feeling, and human warmth became unnecessary luxuries in her small world on the outskirts of city sprawl-- leaves little doubt about the condition of Makhail's emotional condition.
I liked the surprise ending.
NO BETTER WAY© (Short Story) - 5/30/2008 8:45:42 AM
Good reading, Lisa. I would have shown her childhood abuse another way instead of telling, but that is my persnickety, picky writer's itch. This story has caught my imagination. Congratulations.
NO BETTER WAY© (Short Story) - 3/21/2008 10:03:27 AM
A fine exploration of the emotional wreckage wrought by life. A nice glimpse inside those who've been damaged psychologically. Rather sad, yet almost hopeful in the end. I liked it.
Cold Comfort © (Poetry) - 8/10/2009 10:19:21 AM
I think this is a great poem and it has a lot of emotion. I would break it up into stanzas though. This would make it more presentable and perhaps even easier to read.
This poem is free-verse (if I am correct) and so line length can vary but I'd still watch out for very long lines, especially if most of the lines are rather short. Either way it is best to not have long lines as short lines are more effective.
Not sure how you intend this poem to be read but if it is meant to be read with a pause at the end of each line then ending lines with words like 'of' or 'for' breaks the flow of the piece, hence making the read not 100% smooth. Reading the poem without pausing at the end of each line, however, doesn't seem to ruin the flow for me. Still I would not end lines with words like 'of' or 'for' or 'the' and the like.
Also watch out for the typo in the following line: "I can not go on like this much longer…" can not should be cannot.
As poets and writers we at times use phrases that are either too common or overused and therefore are not as original as we could be with our writing. I am guilty of this too. It is best to stay away from those. A phrase you used in your poem "aren’t meant to be" is an example of that. Perhaps you can try to reword it to make it more original.
In my opinion I think the line you used “How did it ever come to this?” is actually not needed as the line that follows after it “How did I come to this place…” works very well, making that first line take up unnecessary space.
I hope I have been of some help here. I enjoyed reading this poem and thanks for sharing it. And oh please keep on writing.
All the best,
Lena
Cold Comfort © (Poetry) - 8/8/2009 10:13:31 PM
emotionally stimulating and profoundly real ...
SEDUCTION © (Poetry) - 8/8/2009 1:07:31 AM
Oh yeah?! Hmm...I dig the finger tip tickling type of tingling affect this has on me. Any man would have to answer "yes!" to this playful question, 'Seduction' indeed. Thanks for posting it Lisa.
Cold Comfort © (Poetry) - 8/8/2009 1:04:10 AM
Lisa, this piece is thick and rich with truth, a visceral truth that we can all pledge allegiance to, cause we have all been there. I love the emotional picture that you paint, it's lush. Thanks for posting it.
A MATTER OF HEART© (Poetry) - 8/7/2009 12:33:06 PM
Loved this poem! What rich emotion it invokes.
LIPS UNKISSED© (Poetry) - 6/28/2009 9:17:45 AM
You make great impact with your verses, Lisa. Thank you. Love and best wishes,
Regis
Confession © (Poetry) - 6/26/2009 11:55:09 AM
Honest and real; thank you for sharing of you self, Lisa. Love and peace,
Regis
SEDUCTION © (Poetry) - 6/26/2009 11:53:28 AM
What could I respond... ...except yes. Love and best wishes,
Regis
Cold Comfort © (Poetry) - 6/26/2009 7:43:09 AM
I can relate, Lisa. Very moving and expressive. Love and best wishes,
Regis
A MATTER OF HEART© (Poetry) - 11/10/2008 9:40:00 AM
Your work is so very awesome. You are very talented. And your feelings are VALID! Life is going to be better. Feel my love, please.
Cold Comfort © (Poetry) - 9/10/2008 6:27:54 PM
That was beautiful, honest, raw and pure.
LIPS UNKISSED© (Poetry) - 8/15/2008 8:44:51 AM
I've written many poems but... never thought of writing about... the kiss.
Such elicitation of touch sensation in your words, I could almost feel that I was being kissed.
~Zach
Brown Bread© (Poetry) - 8/15/2008 8:38:42 AM
This elicited an uneasiness in me; I found myself feeling sad for the mother and the hidden drama lived out around the brown bread. Very, very good treatment of a painful subject, Lisa.
~Zach
MAMA © (Poetry) - 7/22/2008 1:16:16 AM
I wonder is you had wrote this in negro dialect (1880) how it might have come out
A MATTER OF HEART© (Poetry) - 7/22/2008 1:13:59 AM
the pain of this poem starts out inside of you and comes out of you in the end. I got twisted on this. that's good.
LIPS UNKISSED© (Poetry) - 7/22/2008 1:10:56 AM
Your use of words is quite interesting. You paint your poems on paper.
Confession © (Poetry) - 7/22/2008 1:07:53 AM
I had the same dream in 1988
SEDUCTION © (Poetry) - 7/22/2008 1:05:31 AM
Evokes a deja vu image of somewhere i've been before. good work.
Cold Comfort © (Poetry) - 7/22/2008 1:03:09 AM
A wonder look behind the mask of love for convience that exposes the human effects of playing love games
MAMA © (Poetry) - 7/8/2008 12:20:06 AM
Thank you for sharing such a difficult journey.
God Bless You!
John Michael
SEDUCTION © (Poetry) - 6/27/2008 9:09:08 PM
Very sensually inviting, well said...
Be always safe,
Karen
Confession © (Poetry) - 6/22/2008 10:52:37 AM
Very nice, very nice indeed. I know this dream, and have reached to touch it...once or twice, only to find the morning mists parting. But I still believe in it.
Confession © (Poetry) - 6/8/2008 9:11:37 PM
This sounds a familiar path and the heart of a true poet.
Confession © (Poetry) - 6/5/2008 5:46:29 AM
I enjoyed the word play, your use of language. I think we all dream and sometimes hope that to be one day's reality.
bill
Confession © (Poetry) - 6/5/2008 4:09:16 AM
What a beautiful, spiritually heartfelt write with which you have gifted your readers! I love the simplicity and depth. Love the "whirling Dervish" line...this is very nice work.
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