How useless I feel. I can hear the parting words of my first 'love.'
'You can do nothing,' he said. 'You are good for one thing.' I was only
twenty-three years old, and those words weighed heavily on me like
an insidious monster. Whoever said, 'Sticks and stones can break
your bones, but, words can never hurt you," was SO WRONG!
There I was, feeling so useless. Perhaps, Andrei( my supposed
fiance') was right. Perhaps, I couldn't do anything right. I believed that
if I loved Andrei, that he would marry me. But, he quickly escaped, when
he realized that my father didn't approve of him. Andrei was shrewd,
calculating, and most of all, (as I was to discover too late in the
relationship) heartless. What Andrei wanted was money. I was not
worthwhile (to Andrei) without it.
Sadly, I still loved Andrei. And my respect and high regard for him
as a human being(tragically misplaced) would shape my self-image
in a negative way for years to come. I was desperate for approval, for
affirmation...that I, Rachel, should feel good about herself...that I,
Racher, deserved to be loved.
And then, I met my future husband. If only I had know what was in
store for me.