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Joanne Blundell Marsh

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Books by Joanne Blundell Marsh
Dreams
By Joanne Blundell Marsh
Wednesday, November 06, 2002



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Dreams



When you wish upon a star, be oh so careful, what
you wish for! Being the hopeful individuals we
are, we seem to stretch our goals disregarding any
precept of limitations. We are superhuman, is
there anything out there that isn't within our grasp?
Because we are the superior race, aren't we
granted our every desire? Can we not at least be
graced with the itty-bitty dreams we so genuinely
yearn for? We are deserving of happiness, lacking
dilemmas.

Never intending to be attacked by Multiple
Sclerosis, many of us possess this sort of fairytale
fantasy. We are often ensnared by the "I want,"
and the "I need." We are so attracted to our ideals
for ‘the perfect life,' that we experience an
earthshattering jolt when we learn the heights of
our expectations are insurmountable. We are
shocked by the electrifying knowledge that we are
in fact, limited.

Dreaming is the ultimate tool in securing our
desires. In our flawless fantasies, we are wanting
nothing. We have the perfect marriage, the best
kids, an immaculate home and a profession
providing adequate funds to deliver whatever we
crave. Sorry, I neglected the necessity for vigorous
health. Funny how we omit this most significant
detail in the pursuit to fulfill our dreams.

Sadly, I am included in this "we" I speak of. Like
you, I placed high standards on my anticipations
for my future. In 1998, my dream was utterly
disrupted. I was awakened from my world of
hopes and wishes by an ugly monster. I had been
attacked by this horrible entity, I had no escape
route charted, I had no disaster plan to set in
motion. This nightmare, Multiple Sclerosis, was a
startling hallucination that I could not simply
arouse from.

Dreams, hopes, wishes, desires, goals, they faded
into the night accompanied by my ambitions,
motivations, and determination. My feet swiftly hit
the ground with my spirit plunging straight into a
well of frustration. I was instantly humbled by this
treacherous condition that had invaded my
existence. The vision of a better tomorrow, and the
illusion of a perfect life, wrecked.

You know, I had a wonderful life in progress, and
to me, it seemed to be improving each day. I had
the greatest husband, two beautiful ‘healthy' kids
and an occupation that supplied my needs. I was
an independent woman with visions of prosperity,
a person bypassing defeat and dashing to success.
Never, in all of my demented dreams, had I
witnessed this horror, as an even remote,
probability for me.

In my endeavors as a person, I had suffered that
sense of catastrophe and disappointment. I had
confronted, yet endured those rendezvous with
hurt and pain. I was able to wrestle those demons,
add them to my list of misfortunes and move on to
achieving ‘that dream.' With God's assistance, a
strong will and plenty of laborious feats, I was
proficient in rebuilding a life that was sufficient for
me. I repossessed my self-esteem, reestablished
my career and was striving with God's help to be a
reformed human being.

October 1998 launched an unforeseen enigma.
Interrupted by these symptoms and compelled
modifications to my life, I was disheartened and
sensed defeat. This disease they call Multiple
Sclerosis appeared out of nowhere, intruding my
body and alarming my world. In my state of
bewilderment and confusion, I was buried in a sea
of torment and grief. Unawares, the motivation,
ambition and determination were slaughtered by
this adversary. My visions of prosperity and good
fortune diminished to mere shadows of survival. I
had quickly been coerced into appreciating an
awareness of surrender.

Life since that climax hasn't exactly adhered to my
preceding intentions. My dreams have been altered
to cater to MS. My home, my family, my friends
have all been conditioned to managing this illness.
It's so bizarre when you comprehend that two
words, Multiple Sclerosis, could so profoundly
transform a person's existence. I am a living
witness of that awesome certainty. Because of its
transfiguration, I have been demanded to adjust
any prior objectives and to alter my visions.

As I mentioned before, I didn't have a backup
plan, I didn't anticipate a need. Since Multiple
Sclerosis, I have been simply rolling with the
punches. I am cultivating other curiosities and
attempting to redesign my draft for my destiny. I
am struggling daily to contend with this transition,
and I have unearthed several characteristics and
talents that had been camouflaged by my hungers
and desires. Beneath this image of independence,
abides a longing for simplicity and virtue. I am
aiming to be an enriched person, complete with
honesty, consideration, and sensitivity. I am
learning to look beyond my infirmities and
envision positive attributes in myself and those I
have the privilege to encounter. I am trying, in my
weakness, to be an instrument of inspiration and a
means of encouragement to all who are searching
for comfort.

Dreams often impel revisions. It is crucial to
recognize the initial qualities that stimulated you in
the beginning. We shouldn't ever neglect the
distinct characteristics that manifested our drive
and enthusiasm to allow us to create positive
insights. Still a fragment of this Universe, our
contributions matter. We boast personalities that
are unique, traits that we alone can donate to
mankind. Sure, the uncomplicated thing might be
to forfeit our hopes and dreams, consumed by
Multiple Sclerosis and its complexities. I believe
that we are a zealous bunch, not willing to crumble
under duress or abandon our dreams and fantasies.

Myself, I may have been temporarily intimidated
by the hype engulfing MS. I will be the first to
confess, this disease and all its unpredictability
petrifies me, but I have resolved to roll up my
sleeves and dive in with every fiber of my being. I
have brand-new goals for my future. My love for
writing and the extra time has presented the liberty
to develop this talent that God has allotted me. I
am committed to tap into that gift, using it to
rescue others from their nightmares. I am praying
that via my experience, those with MS or any sort
of unnerving condition might access it for its
optimistic attributes, dedicating their influential
lives to being all they can be. Always identifying
that not one is without heartache, but all,
"everyone," embraces the potential to make their
conceivable dreams an actuality.

Written June 23, 2002


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