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Gwen Dickerson

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Ms. Needy
By Gwen Dickerson
Monday, February 14, 2005

Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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A comedy skit about a writer, a romantically inclined little old lady who is also a compulsive buyer.

Scene 1: Radio announcer:

Poets! Writers! Are you dream-less and uninspired? Don't have a clue what that next poem or article will be about? Well, have I got a deal for you! A muse stimulater! Yep, you heard right. Now, you can show that sucker whose's in charge of your creativity. All you gotta do is........blah, blah, blah.

Little old lady, trying to place an order after hearing the announcer advertising a muse stimulater:

Hello! ....Yes, I'd like to order that nice gentleman who just told us about the muse stimulater. I'll take him! For 24 payments at $29.95, how often will he come over? No, no! I don't want that muse stimulater! I want HIM to come over to: Ms. I. Needy, at the R. Lonely Apartments, over on 123 Help Me Street! No! I told ya, I don't want to order that muse stimulater! I already have a good muse, and she told me to order that nice announcer!

I've been ordering everything he sells for quite a few years now. My apartment is full of stuff, most of it is still in the boxes. I want him! I can pay $29.95 for 24 months! No problem! From now on, will he deliver the goods every month?


Dang, they hung up on me!

Scene 2: Little old lady trying to order "Suddenly Romance" energy pills and the
accompaning free book entitled: Write about it, believe it, and you'll get it!

Hello! Hello! This is Ms. I. Needy. I just heard that nice announcer again. I wanna order.... Yes!, I'll behave. I'll buy, what was he selling? Oh yeah, Suddenly Romance pills....Yes, I'll buy some, I got the money, I got plenty money! Be sure to send me that free book, too. I've written about a lot of things, I believed them too and I got most of them ... but I'm still without a few important things. I need to read that book!

Let's see now, $120.00 for l month's supply of pills? Okay, I'll take 3 months worth, how soon can he deliver? He don't deliver? Oh my, he got ta deliver! ....What do you mean I'm wrong? No, I'm not wrong! I'm the customer, and the customer is ALWAYS right!


Hello? Hello? Dang! Now, they won't even let me buy anything! They hung up on me again!


Scene 3: Church Announcer:

Do you have endless boxes of products that you've purchased but aren't using?

Does your home look like a storage warehouse due to your lust for material things ... or does your home look like a dump yard due to clutter?

Are you unable to give to worthy causes, help the poor, pay your tithes, or help with your church's requests?

Then, repent and rejoice! This is your opportunity to share your blessings with the less fortunate.

Call us at l-800 TRASH TO GLORY CASH or come donate your clutter to us, here at the church's "You got it? We'll take it" center. Bring you stuff to our drive through at the "Deliver and Recieve" window on Heaven or Hell Blvd. and Salvation Streets.

We also take "paid in full mortgages" in return for everlasting prayers! Don't laugh! That's better than leaving it to heirs, that don't even care enough about you to call or visit! Remember, folks, "Heaven is only a breath away, so you should do some good today, while you're able! Amen!"

Scene 4: Ms. Needy responding to the announcer's commercial

Hello, hello. My name's Ms. Needy, but don't be fooled by my name. I ain't lacking for nothing, except maybe a little companionship, tee, hee. Well sir, I've been blessed for years and now something's telling me that I should bless some other folks too. I got lots of new clutter stuff that I've bought and it's a shame, but I've never even opened the boxes!

I'd like to donate it all to the church, but I don't drive..... Oh, thanks Mr...., what did you say your name was? That's a nice name, sir. You're a volunteer assistant, huh? That's mighty nice of you. Your wife must be proud of you. Ohhhh, I'm so sorry to hear that!

Yes, I know these last eleven months must have been lonely for you, after being married for such a long time. Hmmm, like I was saying, I don't drive so I was thinking maybe there was a nice man who.....or maybe you ... could come pick up the stuff? Oh, you will? You and another assistant? That's wonderful!

I got a whole lot of stuff! How about you picking up a couple dozen boxes tomorrow? Then, I might be persuaded to give you another couple dozen boxes the following week and so on until we until I've donated everything.

Perhaps after that, I could even be persuaded to find some more new things for the church ...tee, hee. Thank you! You sound nice, too! Okay, I'll see ya tomorrow morning at 9 and I'll have a pot of coffee and some cinnamon rolls ready for you gentlemen!

Oh, you're most welcome. Ah, shucks, it'll be my pleasure too. Bye now!


Yes! Hallelujah! Oouuu Glory!

Copyright 2005 by Gwen Dickerson
All rights reserved.

       Web Site: Gwen Dickerson's Site

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Reviewed by Peter Paton 6/13/2006
That Ms Needy is a real character, she certainly knows her way around town and people !
And that Muse Stimulator would be a best seller here in the Den...:)
Nicely done my friend !
Love and Harmony
Reviewed by Alex Nodopaka 4/9/2006
Excellent scenario for a one-act play with a perfect punchy ending. I suggest you pursue that avenue.
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher 2/18/2006
This is adorable!
Birgit and Roger
Reviewed by Sandra Mushi 12/28/2005
Lolol ... I just can't stop laughing Gwen! I could actually picture, the sweet feisty old lady - with gray hair and nicely done make-up ... lol ... and a stash of money, radio and a cordless phone by her side. Great write! Lol.

God bless,

Reviewed by Mark Rockeymoore 7/20/2005
lol that's what i'm tom'bout, still fiesty after all these years! very well written and conceived you carried this out convincingly! it's hard to write comedy, but you certainly accomplished your aim with this one, gwen!
Reviewed by Victor Farrell 4/1/2005
A great chuckle! Well done!

Reviewed by Judy Lloyd 2/15/2005
A funny interesting write and I am glad to have read it.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 2/15/2005
delightful story, gwen; thanks for sharing! well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :D

The Shorter Version by Kathryn Perry

New excerpt from The Shorter Version---page 148..  
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