Web Site: seriously_dave's Blogit
This is the story of my 9/11 experience. We all have had one, This one is mine. As Human beings, there are certain things that we must compartmentalize for the shear sake of our own personal sanity and well being. Although this day in time has effected me quite deeply, life must move on. a continual pondering of deep and intense tragedies such as this, for any length of time, would surly bring about ones own demise. However, forgetting such a tragedy would be a mistake as well. "seriously_dave"
By: David W. Smith
I worked second shift.....so I was in bed sleeping when it happened. I had just entered into my REM sleep, when Akemi came into the room in less then subtle hysterics.
She awoke me saying that an airplane hit a tall building in New York!......and she was right! I jumped up and got on to the internet TV....in my pajamas, I was glued!
I checked out the moment by moment coverage, It was surreal. It was like war of the worlds to those who had committed suicide (when Orsen Wells did his thing on the radio).....that's how real it was! to me! I watched with my mouth wide open and tearful eyes as the second jet hit the second tower......(the Video from this act should be presented in a museum form (on the web) for all of the world to see the true hearts of men!) at that very moment, My heart sank a million feet into the depth. when we all realized at the same instant, that this was not an accident.....that it was Terror to my heart! I was not going to work that day!!!
I called into work. I told Vince-- All over the Country we were being attacked!....."I am NOT coming in to work today!" There was silence, then he said ..."yes you are!" (he hung up) Son of a bitch!!! that's how I felt! we are being attacked by these fanatics all over the country!.....who want to destroy us, and you make me come into work? God I was so pissed....well.......I got to work that day.....and I had absolutely nothing to do (i am a printing pressman) there was just one job and it was not due for 2 days.....I asked him why the freak was I there!!! and he told me this:
"That's what the terrorists wanted, they wanted us to stop everything"....So we would keep working!....I was so Pissed, I knew that that was not his heart in the matter, he just wanted to show that he was in charge, but i guess his statement of an excuse was right! My heart and my thoughts at the time were these: OMG! I cant believe this....the United States is being attacked at Peral Harbor! proportions, and my Idiot boss is making me come into work???? This guy has no heart!!! He is a freaking Moron! It was unbelievable to me that he would not let me take the day off.....after such a horrendous act had been perpetrated on our country. I was so pissed!
"Americans are dying all over the country and you are making me come into work? "
I remember the smoke cloud that came from the crashing buildings, the faces on the people were too fearful to put to words I watched the video as they ran and were overcome by the dust! and debris.... all the next day and the whole weekend, My heart and eyes were glued to my Computer TV ....I cried for hours, I actually cried for weeks, I cried about a lot of things....the people in the buildings, those who jumped, the families.....the firemen.
On top of all this, I had recently lost the business, I was beginning to lose control of my house, finances and everything!....in my life. I was completely losing my pride!
I cried mostly for the hearts of men though. and Religion! which had caused this thing to happen. History always seems to repeat it self over and over again....a man once wrote:
"Our world is becoming a darker place, things never seem to get better, they only get worse in time...Without Him there is no hope. mankind, has never been able to contain Himself. History bears this out! what ever has happened, will happen! its reoccurring.....Its the hearts of men! Only now, (in our time of history) there are many more men....to cause many more problems. If the Lord waits a few 50 or 60 years, its very plausible, and probable! for men to actually extinguish themselves. Nuclear bombs may go off one day. The harder we try to contain, the deeper we seem to go into the abyss....without Him there is no hope!"
I am still effected to this very day at what had occurred on Sept. 11, 2001 it will forever be etched upon my heart.
I have lost any trust that I once had in my fellow man.
Ive lost my trust in Government, I have lost all of my trust in Religion, Ive lost my trust in Christians, Ive lost my trust in Muslims. Ive lost my trust in the churches. Ive lost my trust in my neighbor! and I was on the edge of losing complete trust in myself! and my God and my faith!
The assembly lines of people totting buckets of debris from the wreckage stands firm in my minds eye! those pictures of the complete futility of mankind will always stand out in my heart of hearts.
My heart had been broken before, but this was a much deeper break then anything before or since!
My life has come to a halt since that day, besides losing the business, being screwed out of $6,000 dollars by my “christian” brother, being screwed by my own government, after losing everything. My heart had been broken!
When I finally sold my home, (just 2 weeks before the sheriff was to escort me and my family to the streets! to live.) oh the stress.
I made $40,000 dollars on the deal, after only 2 months, all of the money was gone. the banks took theirs, the lawyers took theirs, the insurance companies took theirs, the Realtors took theirs, the government took theirs, the credit companies took theirs, then to my surprise, there was nothing left for the one who busted his ass to scrape and try to earn it!
My heart was full of despair, my confidence in the future had diminished to nil. I had lost any desire to love or live life, so I played computer games all day. Pathetic I know! but my heart had become hardened to the point of no return I thought, there was no Love left in this heart, or if there was, I couldn’t see it. I had no desire to pay my bills, or up keep the home that I did have left, or reach out to others like I have all of my life.
I used to love people, now? When I see others, my heart finds fault, then recedes back into the dark cell where it finds comfort from peoples stupid thoughts of me! My heart is so full of the emptiness, that it hurts literally to even breath, at times.
Its been over four years since that terrible day, The world moves on at a much faster pace then ever. (no time to stop for a breath) We must move on. And as it does, my heart seems to be left in the dust. There is an emptiness that rules my spirit as this life seems to just flicker by.
As soon as I am able to grasp one news flash, the world moves on to another. Before I can gather myself, the stories change, and the people caught in these flashes of time, are left alone to lick their wounds, and bury their dead. My heart aches for stability.
then the world spins faster.
When I seem to have a grip on myself, another news flash hits the airwaves. Religious Hatred and Terrorism, Tsunamis, Murders, Wars, Hurricanes, Earthquakes,, another Government scandal! A million more have perished.
Fear seems to rule my mind. The world spins yet again, and my heart begins to spin out of control.
When I ask for love, I get a cold stair and a shaky untrusting hand instead. When I ask for a hand, a slap in the face is all I receive, with a smile and an “I Love you ” of course! What ever that means?
or a “you are a nut kind of a look.”
Get a grip you say? Lord knows that I have been trying to these past few years, but things have been moving much to fast, and I lose my balance often....
...someone please call 911... I'm really getting dizzy.
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|Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
|Powerful writing, Dave; I will never forget!! EVER!!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :( >tears! <