JANE HATES DICK
By
Geoffrey Zimmerman
The afternoon was turning out to be just perfect for Dick Lewinski. The fellas at the plant had volunteered to finish up his filing, so now, after dropping little Timmy off at his buddy’s birthday party, Dick found he had three hours to himself.
When happy, Dick liked to jangle the loose change in his Dickies pocket. It jingled and jangled like a three cherry winner at a Vegas slot machine, and Dick whistled a few happy tunes through pursed lips.
He flung open the door to his brand new rancher and stood for half a mo. He scanned the comfy place. Then his keys hit the floor. Hmmm, he thought to himself, as his lips turned o shaped like the mouth of a blow up doll and his forehead became a washboard. He stooped for the keys and upside down, cocked his head and said hmmm again. Then he stood upright and jangled his change and the odd feeling melted away like packing popcorn under acetone.
Dick hung his keys on the wall, closed the door and turned the bolt. He headed for his new kitchen. I know what I want, he whispered to himself. Some Sleepy Time tea. He filled the chrome teapot with water, placed it on a burner and turned the gas knob. He plopped the tea bag into his Number One Dad mug.
He picked up his remote, powered up his flat screen TV and fell nto his couch. He pulled off his shoes and wriggled his toes. That smell, he thought to himself, sat up and o faced the kitchen. He reached into his pocket and jangled the coins again.
…”For watching news 60 at 3. Back after these messages”. He turned to the card table by the front window – his WWI Fokker biplane needed a wing.
Dick undid his necktie as he gazed down at his plastic model. Like unwinding his ex-wife’s fingers from around his neck, he allowed the tie to take those last years of marriage. How could she have transformed from a loving, devoted housewife to a screaming thrashing terror? Some people you just never knew. …”escaped from Youngstown High Security Institute for The Criminally Insane…” “What?” he said and snapped his head at the TV. “In a daring escape, three female inmates stabbed one guard and dismembered another. Two have been captured and the third is at large. More after these messages.” He hadn’t breathed. Now he gasped.
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