by Dale Hudgins Copyright May 31, 2004
One million drops of rain.
How much is that?
I don't know, but have tried in vain from my view here behind these bars to try to count and imagine what that would fill up.
I listen for the sounds, the distant thunder, crackling of lightning flashes that leave a ghostly image, seared right into my mind, this alerts me to begin my vigil, my game.
With my nose and forehead pressed tightly against that cold round steel I begin to count...One, two, buckle my shoe, Three, four, shit'n the floor...five, six, pick up sticks. I can never seem to make it to ten.
Ten, the thought of that makes my fucking head hurt.
Nine is when the blistering images begin to race through my mind...images colored red, black, silver, then a kaleidescope tunnel of black and white.
Aw, shit this hurts.
Can't anyone see what I see? Of course not, I suppose.
I'm here inside my head with my own visions.
I've tried to describe to others what I see when I've seen these images. The things I see are similar to when one is lying back in a lawn chair and gazing up at the sky and the mind is in an idle state. For me, some of the things I've seen when cloud-watching are obtuse shaped elephants, the states of Texas, Georgia and Michigan, but without, usually, Michigan's upper part that is separated by one of the Great Lake's and see the part that is separated by this lake, looks like the Canadians don't want to give it up. Is it Huron, Cherokee, Lake Tupperware? I can never remember the name. Other things I see while cloud-watching are just too numerous to name, I won't even try now. Just trying
Usually when these images that form in my mind are quite unexpected and come to me when I am sitting, just staring at the wall or floor and they aten't pleasant or funny. They are dark in content. They are stretched in shape, with a horror filled expression. I blink to try and make them go away, most of the time this doesn't work. So I try sttaring at it, move my eyes to a different location, this image seems to follow my every movement, to me it's like a song that get's stuck in my mind that keeps replaying over and over. I begin to get irritated, start cussing while holding the sides of my head and saying to this wordless apparition that I've let come into my mind, like a bad house guest that I can't get rid ofI begin to give in and play this game and let it take me wherever it might.