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Garrett L Diamond

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Wizards Electric Toys
By Garrett L Diamond
Wednesday, September 27, 2000

Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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Recent stories by Garrett L Diamond
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About a salesmen gone mad.

Wizard’s Electric Toys

I entered the place, it was like dying. Two hundred TV sets were blaring and blasting. “What a place to work,” I said to myself. A customer came up to me.
“Where are the universal remotes located?”
he asked.
“In the back bye bye now.”
Another one said,
“I would like to see your TVs.”
“Are you buying or looking?”
“I’m looking.”
“There they are. What size are you looking for?”
“27 inch.”
“Here they are.”
“Do you have a pen?”
“I’ll give you one.”
They were trying to sketch down the prices.

Jimmy came up to me crying about this sale that went bad.
“I got a TV/VCR combo with service and it didn’t get delivered.”
He said it like he lost the lottery or something.
“It would have pushed my service up cause, I didn’t get service on the 36 inch.”
I said to him.
“Get out of my way with that. I don’t care, go screw.”

A customer came up to me muttered under his breath,
“Sorry…wrong store.”
Another one came up and says,
“I’m looking for a 36 inch Protan TV. Are these your prices?”
“Yes they are, we have a 30 day price protection.”
“Would you guys throw in a stand? What if I come in with cash?”

Later that day, the boss caught me sitting down on a cube, he freaked out. He was like Hitler.
“What are you doing sitting in the corner over there like A shmuck. Leave and take a 10 minute break!”
Under my breath I said,
“I’m trapped like I’m in some fuckin cage.”

I came back in and saw the psycho salesman Marco Valentine. He was one crazy fucker, running around literally scaring customers and chanting “one love.” He grabbed the customer, almost tears their arm off and says,
“It’s my pleasure to serve you.”
Marco got flush in my face, spitting as the words rushed out;
“You’re a weapon of the mind. Get sick on it!”

Then this nasty man came up to me and I said,
“Welcome to my fist, I’ll beat the fuck out of you today!”
I just snapped. I held his arm and yelled,
“Listen you fuckin cappuccino drinking yuppie puppy, take a fuckin walk! Get out before I become really mad.”

Some other enchanted customers came in.
“Do you want to get the wizards credit card?”
I asked.
“Fill this out.”
They filled it out and I retrieved it from them.
“I’ll be back in just a second”
I came back and said,
“You were declined, please get the fuck out of the store now!”
“Wait! Wait!”
they pleaded.
“Get the fuck out!”

Later that day my manager came up to me and said,
“You ever been dragged in a chair?”
I stood there fearfully laughing.
“One of these days I’ll kill you. I won’t use any weapons, I’ll use my bare hands!”
he laughed.

So there is this stupid man we work with. The boys call him “Heaven boy.” His greeting is, “Welcome to your store.” What a Freak. Customers pass by me crying after they talk to this brainless wonder.
“You’re the one that picked him.”
I said.
He gets everyone very manic. Like my very nice manager freaked out one time because he told someone that we install dishwashers. He called him in the office the walls rattled.

The next day I was in hell and the air was thick, I could feel it. I ran up to my boss, the store was busy.
he said.
“Marco stole a sale from me! I was working with them, went away for a second and that psycho took them from me!”
I started to walk away from him, like a killer.
He said,
“Don’t walk away like that!”
His tone was angry and his appearance manic. His soul was divided.
“Go take a half hour break!”
That man was the devil of the retail world.

I came back to slaughter. I was gonna sell. I knocked sales down left and right. I got pissed and set fire to the print out sheets. No one could stop me.
Meanwhile, I saw my manager by the door.
“Wow, someone is getting a beating.”
I saw a tall black man go running for the front doors. Then I saw my store manager go running after him; they crash into the door and continue to dash outside. For store security guards got involved while the manager had him in a headlock. They all jumped in and tackled him down into the locker room beating the crap out of him. The police were called in he was arrested. They don’t mess around here.

The store was hot the A/C was busted. It was a very slow day when this very Jewish woman came in. I could already taste the madness that was about to transpire.
“Hello how are you doing? What’ll it be lady?”
I said
“Well, I’m interested in this 9 inch TV/VCR combo for $379. I’m in a rush and I might get a ticket. Hurry it up!”
“Sure. Let me check store stock.”
I went to the screen and showed that it was out of stock.
“Sorry, we’re out of stock and it’s not in any other location.”
“Oh please, can you sell me the floor model?”
“But the floor model doesn’t have a remote.”
The nasty woman pleads with her white hair and grossly painted nails.
“I must have a remote, I’ll pay you fifty dollars cash!”
She waved the cash in my face.
“Look lady, we don’t have the remote!”
“I don’t believe you! Let me see a manager”
“I’ll go get him.”
So I walked back to the office.
I told my manager, “This is the deal. This woman is a rich bitch and she wants the remote for this TV. She’ll pay full price for the set.”
Meanwhile, she kept going back and forth to her car. One of managers came out and said,
“Listen lady, my sales person is right. We don’t have any remotes. But, just to please you I’ll check in the back.”
A few minutes passed and my manager pulled a joke on the woman. He announced over the intercom,
“Whoever has a red car in the front of the store, it’s being towed.”
She ran out to check and I ran back to the office to tell the guys about it. We all laughed. The manager went back to the woman.
“We couldn’t find the remote. Sorry”
She yelled,
“You fat piece shit, I need that remote!”
“Were you born in the sewer or something? Go take a fuckin walk out of this store before I kick your gold ass out!”
She rushed out.

The next morning I was at work again. Was it another day in bedlam? I guess it was. It was storming and the lights in the store were all flickering. The floors were all wet. Marco freaked a woman out and the woman came running up to me.
“That man accosted me! Are you a manager?”
“No, I’m not. I’ll go get you one”
She was crying, tears streaming down. She talked to the manager and Marco was sent home for the day.

Me and Sal were talking.
“Man, I’m gonna cream in my pants. That girl is naked underneath that! She has on no underwear,”
Sal says,
“No nothing.”
“I’m gonna rape something! I can’t take it!”
I banged my fist on the counter.
“Look at Heaven Boy. He just asked me if a VCR can rewind.”
“What an Idiot”.
We laughed.
I asked
“Where’s Manny? Mister do-no-wrong is late.”
“I’ll go tell the boss.”
“Manny’s late. I just wanted to let you know.”
Security announced,
“Video sales to the front!”
“Oh shit! It’s a fuckin return. I bet it’s a fuckin camcorder.”
I sauntered up to the front. There was a customer there. One of those seedy fifth avenue fuckers. He was carrying a DVP 7000 digital camera.
“Hi, how can I help you?”
I asked politely.
“I don’t like this camcorder. It’s a piece of shit. Shit I say!”
“Do you have the box?”
“Then we can’t take it back. Bye now.”
“Wait! I want to see the manager!”
“I’ll beat the piss out of you if you don’t get your gay white nose ringed ass out of my store!”
He ran off thank god. Sal was cracking up.

A couple pieces of eurotrash came up to me and asked if we have PAL.
“No. Sorry, no PAL”.
I was sick. I was coughing very hard and I felt like road kill. This elderly woman came up and said,
“Can you show me how to hook up my VCR, sonny?”
“No I can’t but you can go straight to hell!”
I kicked her down. She was crying. Her false teeth came out and I started screaming,
“I have lost it folks! I have lost it!”
I got onto the intercom and started screaming.
“They robbed me of my sanity! Don’t buy IDS! Fuck it! Don’t let them suck you in, they will change you! There is more to life than this!”
I went wild. I started in the big screen room, kicking in the big sets one by one. All you could hear was the glass smashing to the floor. There was dead silence from the onlookers. I went to the walls of cables, throwing them every which way. They went all over the people. They were now screaming. Managers tried to stop me, but I was too much for them.
I screamed,
“fuckedy fuck fuck wizards! Fuck the land of the unliving! Go suck a Dick!”
I was foaming like an animal. Like the animal they made me. No more service. No more anything from anyone there. I left without detainment.

A week later I came back to the store. I approached my boss.
“Hi, I just came for my check.”
There was silence.
“It’s not about paying the bills, it’s about keeping it straight,” I told him.
I drifted away. I thought about the place. It was an insane asylum to me now. I’m trapped in it. I’m still trapped?

Written by Garrett Diamond 1998

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Reviewed by 5/6/2001
I like your hard hitting style of writing. You might want to check your tense a tad on the next story ... nothing too major, just some little bits here and there where you have mixed present with past

Spell checker won't tell you that vile is awful and vial is what his stuff was in

I look forward to reading more of your work

m j hollingshead
(review for BookDragon, ScribesWorld, TerryFic)

Reviewed by 12/14/2000
Garrett Diamonds unique crafty voice. Hitting consumers over the head with his modern day salesman techniques. Screaming exclamation points emphasized to hell. You can't miss Garrett's point. The hammer is falling. Voices behind the shelving while your in the checkout line.
Yes I am Friends with Garrett
and this story is great.

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