I was an angel; or a modern version of Eve and I had specific assignments that led up to sealing the fate of some people in this world before the earth turned to ashes in seven seconds.
I woke one day broke in January dousing a donut in my coffee at Charlie's barn in Greenfield Hill, Connecticut. A brisk thought went through my throbbing head; "take me to Chase Bank; I have an intuition that my father woke out of his coma and wired money to my account". Charlie drove my over the hills to the bank on the right and waited. I came out with three thousand five hundred dollars. As usual, my intuitive gift had descended on me once again; I was right.
I rented a car, bought a pink t-mobile cell phone and rented a room at the Westport Inn. The superior room overlooking the indoor pool. I left Charlie to tend with the dust of his life; rumble around with his bi polar girlfriend from New Cannan and be wonderful.
Ideas began to escalate; men became my food and music my exstasy around the Connecticut sound where I photographed wisely. I took a picture of three adirondack chairs on the green. Red, white and blue. I photographed a branch frozen into the Saugatuck River where snow was the backdrop. I attended an AA meeting everday at noon. Laughed with the old timer; George about how the people in the room look like stones; pale; without expression. How they needed to get laid and receive blow jobs.
I formed a cacoon in my bed at the hotel. that became my way to prepare for ; my assignment for the evening. My assignment from God. Gathered pillows, in the pitch dark I lay naked inside the pillows placed around me on all sides. I placed a blanket over me and said a mantra in my head while breathing deeply counting to ten. I induced a fever. Four hours later I awoke drenched in sweat and re-born.
Throwing the covers and pillows off me; I showered and listened carefully to what my instructions were. God told me to go to the Black Rock Church; say a prayer for the elders and spin my car around three times to seal the prayer. I then went to a McDonald's in Norwalk which had been held up at gunpoint earlier that day, for real. I prayed for the children involved and for the women who were trying to escape unscathed with their children. I sealed it three times with a circle around McDonald's.
I went back to the hotel around three in the morning. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought negligees. I colored my hair a strawberry red and bought an evergreen colored vest from the gap. Every man I saw I was to make eye contact with until they broke away. I was seducing men to get power for the women of this generation.
My daughter was worried. She was the only one I confided in about my excursions; about my thoughts and plans. She phoned my best friend with the news I was manic and becoming dangerously high.
I tasted dark chocolate and red wine with amber colored cheese. Creating a sensation for each palate. I masterbated in a wet heat for hours and took several pictures of myself from the mirror. The high was exhilarating; every one of my five senses hightened. I was more beautiful and more brilliant than should be allowed.
A man from a florist gave me a perfect rose that I carried with me that never wilted. He put on owl music by the wood stove and rolled a cigarrette for me. I was intoxicated with life.I was being filmed a girl who was doing a documentary on me. Having Lupus, my hands turned purple and white. She filmed me over a few days.
I started to hear myself on the radio and see my name in the credits after a show. I was in the show as a character. All me in a world of fantasy that I was living through. Real or imagined, it didn't matter. I was a part of this maze; and my mind was offering me chemicals to put me so high and above the natural; it was the best my life had ever been or ever will be.
In my last assignment, I got caught. I received a good stay at Yale New Haven Pychiatric ward for ten days. I had followed a taxi for an hour or so in the middle of the night. The license plate read "all I need is a number 7". I followed him bumper to bumper. He pulled up to a police station in West Haven, Connecticut. When he stopped I opened my cell phone and it read; 777-777_ ; I entered a number seven knowing that would be the completion of this world. Seven is the number of completion in the bible
I woke up in the emergency room of Yale and proceeded to be transported on a gurny through the snow to another building. I spent three days in the "fishbowl". I was shot up with haldol where I slept for three days on and off. My mind was tired. I was mentally exhausted. I hated coming down. I hated being "normal". I hated the fact that I was having to go back to the reality of the mundane.
If I could induce another one; I would. I know it wasn't me. It was the chemicals.The beauty of the red, blue, purple and green exposition of neurons that were flooding dopamine into my cerebelum.
The last thing I ever want to do is be devastated at the news of being chemically defiant or gifted with a brain that can be profound and glorified all within the realm of this excursion we call reality.