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Susan K. de Vegter

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A Southern Funeral
By Susan K. de Vegter
Saturday, June 21, 2008

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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I recall my "Me-Maw" (grandmother) telling me her old tales about funerals down in Blackshear, Georgia at the Henry Funeral Home there.

She spoke about my aunts'taking "pitchers" of the deceased with her old
Brownie camera and at another time with that new camera that took pics in
minutes while you watched and made you see spots for days. I believe she was
speaking about the new Kodak Instant Camera then. She said that Amelia Jean'shusband's ex tried to climb into the casket with "Junior" although they
hadn't spoken in twenty years.

Since that time and , of late...I witnessed my brother's exes (there were two) trying to out wail one another and climb into the casket together although they had just whispered (aloud) their
hatred of one another.

Yeah! Right! Like he would've had anything to do with either woman after
they's made his life impossible and took him to court on a constant basis to out-do one another with his meagar income.

Also, one of the regular funerals will have young mother's , usually out to there ( visually making the sign of a huge pregnant woman....) holding up their young-ins to look at the dead. It
wouldn't be unusual to hear something like, "Billie Sue...that's your great aunt on Aunt Sadie's side of the family. The infant's eyes would bug out and that would normally follow with a yelp!"

Always the food was the reason most people go to funerals down south. Some
of the best country cook'in can be found after the graveside services.

Uncle Henry was finally on the road to heaven.He sure missed a spread then.

I must admit I'm one who rarely misses a family funeral especially if it's
somewhere in Jesup, Waycross, Blackshear or Alma, Georgia.Those cooks down yonder beat Emeril or what's her name....? Oh, yeah! Paula Deen and her put on accent.

Excuse me....that's my mom calling...
Aunt Mildred died...."When's the burial?"

Hope this gives you a little insight into some of the funerals I've been
associated with throughout my years.The humor can't be conveyed here. With all due respect, any southern comedian would be wise to take in a Southern funeral now
and then.

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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 6/22/2008
Will tell Eric Hunter to git on down to a funral sos he cain git suma that country cookin and humor. His standup is a bit too deadpan fer me.

Am dying to join you there, but you'll have ta wait, cuz I aint quite ready ta go yet.


Reviewed by Felix Perry 6/22/2008
Sounds like some of our Down East funerals, either here in Nova Scotia or even in Newfoundland...the funeral turns into a party and good time for all.

Reviewed by Jerry Bolton 6/22/2008
As always, Susan, you hit the nail where it was supposed to be hit with this tribute to the burying of southern folks . . . Belly's get fed, tempers can flare and lies spread wholesale around the casket, which more than not become merely an accessory to the gossip and ballyhoo of southern funerals . . . Well done, sweetie . . .
Reviewed by Lois Christensen 6/21/2008
Foods after our funerals are great too. We have banana bread, pumpkin breads, date and nut breads and other delicious foods. Everyone gathers but do they talk of the dead, No, they just chat about others. It is a time to get together when someone dies.
Reviewed by Pierre Ortega 6/21/2008
I love this, it made me hungry, I hope no-one dies.


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