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Cynth'ya Lewis

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Soap & the OpPoSiTe SeX
By Cynth'ya Lewis
Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Rated "PG" by the Author.

Share this with your friends on FaceBook

Don't share this at Bible Class.

HOW MEN & WOMAN TAKE SHOWERS (Thanks to my friend and supporter, Jack H. in North Carolina)


THIS is truly. . . well, read on and don't blame me if you're at work and people ask you what's so blasted funny.









Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.






Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.  If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.






Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.






Get in the shower.  Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.






Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.






Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.






Condition your hair with grapefruit mint-conditioner.






Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.






Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.






Shave armpits and legs.






Turn off shower.






Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.






Spray mold spots with Tilex.






Get out of shower.






Dry with a towel the size of a small country.






Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.






Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.  If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.












Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.






Walk naked to the bathroom.






If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo- woo sound.






Look at your manly physique in the mirror admiring the size of your wiener and scratch your rear end.






Get in the shower.






Wash your face.






Wash your armpits.






Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.






Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.






Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.






Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs sticking on the soap.






Wash your hair.  Make a Shampoo Mohawk.












Rinse off and get out of shower.






Partially dry off.






Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.






Admire wiener size in mirror again.






Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.






Return to bedroom with towel around waist.  If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.






Throw wet towel on bed.






If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.  Have a great day! Oh, and...woo-woo!




P.S. There's a Carnival Cruise Sale this week for up to two free cabin upgrades. Kenny and I had to pass up a 4 day all inclusive trip to a beautiful 5 star resort in Antigua for $150 per person, complete with escorts. We would have had to reserve it by June 22, but got lots of family and business plans. But we are planning to do a Carnival Cruise this October and take advantage of the free upgrade. ($99 interior cabin --- we get 60% of the commission back) and upgrade to an ocean view at no additional charge.


Conference call on how we get these kinds of perks: Wednesday night June 21 . 9:30 pm Eastern time. Conference call number: 641-793-7505 PIN 601340 then #


(Conference call number also found on our website:, click Conference Calls link). Note: The Wednesday conference isn't listed, it's just something private we know about that we share with other people, but the number is the same, every Wednesday at 9:30 pm Eastern, 8:30 pm Central so go on & share it with someone who'll appreciate it.

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Reviewed by Katie Gabrielle 8/20/2007
this is SOOO true!!! thanks for sharing this!! hilarious!!

Reviewed by Renee G 7/11/2007
Now that was hilarious!
Reviewed by Gia Swenny 4/30/2007
Wow that is seriously funny....that is so my husband.
But the covering up thing for me maybe not so much.....

Love Always
Reviewed by Cynthia Borris 12/6/2006

Good Lord, how do I miss this one?! And they want *us* to take showers with them and call it romantic? Love the weiner wave.

Reviewed by Randall Barfield 10/28/2006
this is hilarious i needed a laugh today i always fail to BELIEVE ur stuff like from outer u know where i'll be reading more cheers
Reviewed by Jim Parsons 10/1/2006
I do not so TOOOO!!!!!
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher 6/21/2006
DON'T know about all the do's and dont's but I got a good laugh at the story surrounding this piece, especially the second scene... Peace Out! -Roger and Birgit
Reviewed by Sandra Mushi 6/20/2006
Lol ... woo-woo!!

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Family and observational humor from award-winning author Diana Estill...  
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