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Randy Stensaas

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H-bomb the beginning
By Randy Stensaas
Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent stories by Randy Stensaas
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H-bomb, the horse had to start someplace and this explains how I ended up with him.


            There is not much to say about this ugly and I mean ugly horse.   He is a brown with white hair growing in where he had saddle sores he had them when we got him. His eyes are too wide, his ears not quit as big as a mules and his nose, wow, his nose, with that big Roman nose he could have smelled a gopher fart from ten miles away while underground.
            We were at the horse sale in Billings in the spring, not really looking for anything but just drove up for the day and to watch. We had been there about an hour when they brought this old nag in. I mean to tell you this thing was nag personified. The poor cowboy riding him looked like heck, his shirt and pants were tore and he was riding like he was sitting on a cactus.   He rode him around the ring a couple of times and I though the nag had handled fairly well.   The guy swung down off of him and as he did he had an eye on the horse the whole time like the horse was going to bite him or blow up or something. I was surprised at that, that old nag didn’t look like he had enough energy to fart, let alone buck.   The guy pulled his saddle and bridle off and that horse and left the ring like he had a date. 
That ugly old horse went over to the auctioneer booth and leaned up against it and believe it or not crossed his front legs. He was leaning over so far that if that booth had moved one inch he would have fell over.
            The auctioneer looked at him and I have to give him credit he tried his best to get a bid out of that old nag but nobody was buying it, not even the dog food people, and when he leaned against the booth it got even worse, so I asked my dad to buy him, mainly because I felt sorry for him. We picked up that sorry nag for $50 and I think that was an over payment, but I will give him credit after I got to riding him he would go all day and then some.
            We loaded up and headed back down the road to home with our purchase in the back whinnying in the back sounding like he was singing a song.    After that he started pawing the floor of the truck like he was counting the miles go by, as if that wasn’t enough he put the two together and actually made a decent tune out of it.
            We made it home in one piece and was never so glad to see home as we were that day. We could not have taken much more of the musical horse in the back. We got him unloaded in the corral and figured we would see what we had the next day. 
            After a hearty meal of bacon, eggs, pancakes and a glass of milk I headed out to see what we had in the corral. As I walked up and looked in I had to shake my head cause I couldn’t believe I had told dad to buy such an ugly, emphasis on the word ugly, horse. 
            I crawled in to the corral and got a bridle out and walked up to him to bridle him up for the day. I put my arm around his neck and tried to slip the bridle on, he pulled his head back, I tried again, he put his head down, I tried again, he stuck his nose straight out, looking like a pointer. I tried one more time and this time he laid down and I couldn’t move him or his head. I thought you sorry buzzard I’ll fix your sorry butt. So I walked over to the water tank and got a bucket full of water and came back. I asked him if he was going to get up and just laid there with his eyes closed ignoring me, so I poured that bucket of water in his ear.   He jumped right up shaking his head. I grabbed him again and slipped the bridle right on.
            “Now that wasn’t so bad was it” I asked him.
            He just looked at me, which was a trick in itself since his eyes were about as far apart as they could be without looking backwards. We walked over to the saddle shed and I threw the saddle on him, expecting problems, but no, he just stood that like he had been saddled a million times before, which from looking at the white saddle scars on him he had.
            I climbed on board and was prepared for him to start bucking at any moment but surprisingly we just trotted around the corral nice and easy like. He actually had a nice easy Tennessee Walker kind of trot. I thought maybe this won’t be so bad, may have actually ended up with at good work horse.
            I started to say something to my mom, who was watching from the fence when all of a sudden I thought my head had been ripped off. That nag let out a big old fart, which I learned was his signature fart before he tried to kill you, and started bucking like he was a pro at it.   We were all over that corral and I lasted about six jumps and hit the dirt on my back side.   As soon as I left the saddle he stopped to watch me land and when I did he walked over and nuzzled me on the side of my face as if to say, ‘come on you wimp, let’s go again’. 
            I looked at him and being young and dumb, emphasis on dumb, I jumped up and got back on and slapped the spurs to him. He just humped up a bit and took off in the smoothest trot ever.   I spurred him again and he moved up to an easy lope. I rode him around the corral for a while, and he would turn at the slightest touch of reins on his neck. In fact if I wasn’t ready he would turn right out from under me. Hum might make a good cutting horse, must have been a good one in his day. 
            I rode over to the gate, reached down and opened it and took off out into the hay fields and pastures. I rode him around for about an hour and never had a bit of trouble with him, got my money’s worth after all. 
            I rode over to a small pond to let him get a drink and he stuck his nose right in and took a big old slurp, and then it happened. He let out a big ol fart again and jumped right in the middle of that pond and went to bucking like he was the top bucking horse in the rodeo. The pond was only about one or two feet deep so it never slowed him up much. 
            I was pulling all the leather I could grab a hold of to keep from taking a bath, it didn’t work, and I splashed down flat on my back in that pond. I got my head back above water and when I looked around all I could see was the back end of that nag headed to the barn.
            I crawled out and headed that way myself, fortunately it was only about a quarter of mile, but it was still early spring so it wasn’t that warm yet. I got back to the barn and mom had the nag caught and was unsaddling him. She didn’t seem too concerned that I wasn’t on him, guess she figured I would walk home or they would find me the next day. 
            I walked up just as she got him turned loose and that sorry nag walked over to me, rubbed his nose against my face a couple of times as if to say sorry, see you tomorrow and took off. All I could do was just stand there and stare at him and call him names.
            “You *&^%, you’re not going to win, I will break you yet or you will be dog food” I yelled at him.
            Mom and I walked back to the house where she cooked supper for us and dad asked how it went with the new horse. I told him about my day and what a worthless no good rotten snake in the grass that horse was. He asked other than that how was the day and the horse, I just said that horse and I were going to come to an agreement and it would be my agreement. It was going to be a long summer with the new horse. But I had all summer and then some to make a horse out of that horse.


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Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 7/8/2010
Funny tale, Randy, as only you can tell it! Enjoyed this one!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx, Karen Lynn. :D

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