He found her languishing, her eyes wide at his entrance, guessing, he guessed, she had already surmised his mission and had prepared herself for the conflagration sure to come even as she bent her mind to pray for the survival of her baby-seed, knowing not then what was to be its final fate. For only in this, was her care. She roused herself automatically and prepared to leave.
Of all the angels, she thought, none surpassed the beauty given to her and he who led the Worship of the Hosts, Lord had favored the both of them
with exceeding beauty, ample grace such that surely Lord must have guessed they'd be drawn one to each and such it was sure all this smacked of Fate; that each looked upon the other, and each seemed to the other a heavenly match.
She'd sought to avoid his beautiful eye, his beautiful face but unable to resist she fled, sought to resist, but everywhere in her mind's eye loomed his face.
And he, too, could not shed this obsession with her either; he needed, intended, he told himself, only to look at her; where the harm in that?
until they came body to body, soul to soul, host to host, face to face, mouth to mouth and consummated what they could not resist and fell full force into that maelstrom-mix of desire, love, need, and faint fear, for each knew even as the consort ensued that Steady, Riotous Consequence would fall to each and all--and mystery then would place the veil on the Future Tense.
Momentous drawn yet they could not resist both fell into this; Consequence lapping away at Fate's Intent which clear revealed that somehow their laying together was foregone and foreseen since both were near identical made in Lord's image but higher than all the other angels, and, hence, perforce would be drawn to each as consequence of their very origin. This was her thought as she walked.
Her footfall silent in the marching toward the Throne of Lord, her face sunken in deep thought, she tread past the Worshiping Hosts eyes searching and then they fixed upon him in the pulpit and locked for searing seconds, he inquisitive, she communicating fear and fright, he looking back quizzical sensing her fear and then she'd passed and contact was lost and her immediate trek resumed step by step up Heaven's Throne.
Step by step her fate clicked, her hand shook, her heart mixed, of love for him, and love for Him and love for her baby seed.
She could see him pass the portal, sitting sternly as she approached, hands firm on the Throne arms; she moved with caution born of fear-and fear of scorn;
he offered no smile, no gesture as she drew near
no hint solace would be offered or given
til full face she stood his countenance aglimmer, a stiffled mix; anger, hurt, pain, mistrust and yes shards of what she guessed were the remains of his love for her, now strangled, thrust aside, to trash bin heap
barely discernible inside the cauldron of the seethings
and remonstrances boiling in his soul.
She offered a genuflect which went unacknowledged.
She offered a faint smile which was unacknowledged
and arched now she resolved that he was to have his way as to how he would communicate what shown
plainly in his face; she stood stock still
now edging into curiosity as to how Lord
would balance his anger need
and his strong tendency to forgive.
"I have word and rumor received that you have baby seed
given you by him who leads the Worship, and if true "
he hesitated, "would fatal wound me to deepest depth and
try my soul in deadly fires where my love for you now
surely wrestles with my rousing hate and vengeful side
making haste to surface and smite what I love
and have loved; the two I had risen above all others
and would in tandem thrust both down to foul dust
for clear betrayal's gain is my loss.
Face me here and tell these are lies, untruths
and you have remained to me true , faithful, loyal
and such and would not bring to me this mountain of shame
before all the hosts and have me public seem
unable to consummate and maintain
True True Truest Love in my own household."
He paused and looked deep into her.
"Silence here" he continued "can be easily mistaken as no defense
and says with deafening din that guilt stills your tongue
and slices now yet another piece of my already bleeding heart.
"Lilith, tell me now, all is untrue and you
remain my heart, my soul, my true .
I cannot" he said resignedly "bear the thought that this is no longer-
if so I am sunk and lost;
mighty in so many eyes but a shriveled thing without
which is your love."
She began slowly, mindful that her words would reverberate
within and travel far outside the room, she could feel angel
eyes and angel hearts, hearing and listening, for all knew
this meeting's import and this could not be shut from its gathering drama
now square in her hands where choosing her words carefully
could for all mean
ill or respite, conflagration or reconciliation,
"I grievously regret Lord this has come to be so,
and even as I carry this child my heart still longs for you,
even as I know, I have betrayed your trust
and don't deserve forgiveness in this.
My defense, my attempt to comprehend
how this came to be has wracked my sleep shielding me from the rest I need
and the child needs for me to have.
I ask your forgiveness,
but more your comprehension of how this came to be,
he and I."
She paused awaiting his response
but none came except the light from his steady gaze
which she could not read, could not comprehend
what his thought and reaction was or might be.
"It was you Lord who gave me life, lifted me high, above all angels;
you sire did the same for him. You gave us both beauty,
position and trusted duties.
We were among heaven's spires and were meant to be your light,
not cast darkness upon things. But there Lord was my weakness,
my temptation, where I was lost, where I gave in.
He was so like me, so similar it did not seem as much a breach
since he was in your light as I was, there was in the back of my mind a match from similarities alone and at one point I deluded my self
into thinking this was something you your self might want,
or made possible by your own handiwork, by creating us.
He stirred staring at her blankly a muffled sound started to come from him, indistinct.
She hesitated, waiting to see if he would react at last.
(Part of the novel "The Gospel According to Lilith" available on this site and on Amazon.com) Free versions at my website and audio chapters available as well.