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Lonnie Hicks

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· Einstein, Religion, Politics and Literature-461 pps

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Fractured Idioms- Updated: Today Tuesday 4-24-12 (G rated)
By Lonnie Hicks
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012
Last edited: Monday, August 27, 2012
This short story is rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent stories by Lonnie Hicks
· A Sea of Melancholy
· Movies I Love
· Gnarled
· Gerunds
· Love's Remains
· Who Ever Controls the Money Supply Controls the World
· Finance: Foreclosure; What To Do About It and When
           >> View all 433
I have no one to blame for these.
All original expressions are from Using at:

A fresh pair of eyes
Really yummy with soup.

A lick and a promise
Licking and promising is not necessarily a good idea with a lot of things.
A little bird told me
If so don't tell people because they will lock you up for talking to little birds and rightly so..
A lot on my plate
Refers to how people become overweight..
A month of Sundays
Refers to special services in some churches..
A penny for your thoughts
Refers to the approximate value of the advice some people give..
A rising tide lifts all boats

This occurs just before the Tsunami hits.
A rolling stone gathers no moss
Refers to the on-again, off again romance between Mick Jagger and the model Kate Moss.

A textbook case

Refers to a special case libraries use to prevent textbook theft.

 A watched pot never boil
Because most pots are paranoid.

About as useful as a chocolate teapot
So what is wrong with hot chocolate?.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
But too much absence will get you suspended from school.
Accident waiting to happen
Describes Presidential Elections

Hair on Fire
        A lighted match with certain shampoos will
        result in...

 Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?
              Yes, while frantically searching for a paddle

All ears

Our President's look face-on.

All eyes on me

The feeling when you are in a police line-up

All hat, no cattle

Refers to Texans.  

 All of the above

The most commonly used answer when guessing on a multiple choice test.

All over but the shouting

When a dentist shows you your wisdom tooth.

 All over the map

The answer an old GPS program gives you when you ask for your exact location.

All over the place

The tracks of the town Gossip.

All over the shop

The tracks of the wife while shopping with hubby.

Raining cats and dogs
Considered to be much safer than raining

A Blessing In Disguise:
          Refers to the practice of some priests of
          donning cloaks and dresses as
          disguises before blessing the

A Chip On Your Shoulder:
          Slipping and falling in a cow pasture will
          often result in this event.

A Toss-Up:
          Toss-Up refers to the ancient Viking
          practice of baby-tossing at festivals. Some
          people to this day toss babies even
          though it is now illegal

As High As A Kite:
          The world record for having tossed a

A Slap on the Wrist:
          A Supreme Court ruling limiting
          punishment for Wall Street Bankers.

Beat A Dead Horse:
          Cheating in horse racing.

Answer the call of nature
When wild bears go to the bathroom outside

Ants in one's pants
One of the hazards of making love in the woods

Any port in a storm
Some people drink when the weather turns bad

To upset the applecart
Carts made out of apples are easily upset

To be up in arms 
What a six foot woman has to do to kiss a short guy

Armchair critics
Professional critics in the home furnishing field.

Asking for trouble
What you are doing when you try to get your money out of a bank.

At stake
Description of a recently deceased vampire

A rude awakening

When you mother wakes you up at 12
noon telling you you are late for school also
when a terydactyl does a bird thing on you while you are sleeping at a campsite

bet on the wrong horse
When you bet on dead horses, see above

Get off my back!
Over-zealous love play

Bag of bones
Refers to the Olson Twins

Bang your head against a brick wall
What Rock bands do at concerts

Bar fly
What bars seem to do if you have too much to drink.

Barefaced liar
A indigent liar who can’t afford a scarf in winter


Battle of wills
When two sides of the family claim their will is the correct one.

Have bats in the belfry
What happens when you have not made love in  a very long time also see “basket case”

Bee in your bonnet
”A” in your bonnet didn’t sound right


Blood, sweat and fear
The process of paying US taxes each year

Bone of contention
A food fight involving T-Bone steaks

Lick someone's boots
A means of getting promotions in some offices

Get too big for your britches
Sudden weight gain

Born with a silver foot in one's mouth
A deadly disease of the rich

Bottom falls out
The first sign of aging

Breathe down someone's neck
An inept lover on the first date

right-eyed and bushy-tailed
How a racoon looks on your deck in the dead of night and also teen-agers caught necking when the parents come home earlier than expected.

Pass the buck
Eating venison

Take the bull by the horns
A fatal mistake amateur bull fighters make

Licking the candle at both ends
Daring lovers

Carrot and  Stick
A famous comedy duo

Middle Age
The process of giving up reading after learning about the evils of drink. (Henny Youngman)


ash in your chips
A social program for farmers in which cow chips can be exchanged for cash

Wouldn't be caught or seen dead
Advocates of cremation

Champ at the bit
Using prize fighters to pull carts

The slowest thing in the universe
The rate at which one reaches for the check in a group in a restaurant.

Change the face of something
Refers to the process of putting on make-up
Change of heart
Also known at the Dick Chaney maneuver

Chapter and verse
A technique used by certain ministers to put the audience to sleep.

Cheap shot
Prices in a really inexpensive bar

Chew the fat
An anorexic rehabilitation program for the Olsen Twins

Chicken feed
Pay day at Chinese factories

Set eyes on someone
A game of Mr. Potato Head

Bear market
A special market where bears shop for berries fruits and grubs

Been there, done that
The act of reporting out to a group concerning a recent trip to the bathroom

Beeline for
The act of lying to help out a friend

Baptism of fire
Utilized in the Greek orthodox church and involves torches and naked men

Bad taste in your mouth
The culinary after-taste after sampling of “a fresh pair of eyes”

Babe in the woods
Greek art

Babe in arms
Every high school boy’s dream

Loose ends
The first sign of balding in men

Drop of a dime ..
What could wake my granny from a deep slumber and she could get that dime before it bounced twice.
Ambulance chaser
 If you have too many chasers then you get the free ride in the ambulance. 

Butter someone up
Cannibal foreplay

Disaster written all over it
When a octopus shows up at the cow milking contest

a double take
If you are two-faced politician this comes easily
o a disappearing act
When the bill comes at lunch

Doom and Gloom
Twin prophet brothers in Revelations

Drag one's feet
A style of walking popularized by Quasimodo

In dribs and drabs
How allowances are meted out in most households

Drink like a fish
Downing shots in smoky bars so much that the neck is shortened thus giving a fish-like appearance

Dead duck
What happens to a one-legged duck after swimming for hours in a circle

Drive up the wall
The attempt to get at a pesky fly

Drop like flies
A successful fly-hunt with a rolled up newspaper

Get a rise out of somebody
An event which occurs when a person sits on a whoopee cushion

Give someone a piece of your mind
A rash act usually done by people who really could not spare pieces of their mind.

Give someone the run-around
Modern dating

Give the shirt off one's back
Love play in a hot climate

Give somebody the slip
Love play in a hot climate

Give and take
Love play in a hot climate

Glass ceiling
The upstairs neighbors spying on the people below

Glowing terms
What happens to people in mining towns after drinking the water

Go against the grain
When certain obsessive people insist that the fat end of the rice grain ought to be eaten first.

Go bananas
Not to be confused with going egg-plant

Go down in history
The act of failing World History ten times.

Go hand in hand
Two guys holding hands at the urinal

Go pear-shaped

When the going gets tough ..
You get a sharper steak knife

Golden rule
He who rules usually has also stolen the gold

Have goose pimples
A rare disease where ordinary pimples take of the shape of a goose

Grease somebody's palm 
A practical joke Pacifica Islanders play upon one another

Keep your nose to the grindstone
Advice given to people with long pointed noses

Grit your teeth
Has to do with the southern love of grits

Groan inwardly
Stomach hunger pains

Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

Face that would stop a clock

Fait accompli
Refers to the contrarian nature of the French and means “they did it again”


False pretences

Feel the pinch
Subway riding in New York

Think on one's feet 
A person who thinks only while upright

A figment of one's imagination
Popular mint flavored figs

A finger in every pie
Young boys at weddings

Fishing for compliments
An act associated with innocent questions like “Do I look fat in this?”

Follow one's nose
The single greatest reason people get lost

Fool's errand
Rushing to deposit your paycheck in a wall street bank

Happy as a flea in a doghouse
When the husband has messed up he is said to be in the doghouse—apparently the fleas follow him there.

I'll be a monkey's uncle
Darwin’s Eureka moment

I've got a bone to pick with you
Early caveman dining practice

If the cap fits, wear it
A dental proverb

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
The Annual Homeless Jockey race at Pemlico

If you can't run with the big dogs, you'd better stay on the porch
Advice to Wolfman wanna be’s

If you'll pardon my French
Swearing at the French

In a fix
A knife fight behind a Texas bar but having left your knife at home

In a flash
The speed at which boyfriends vanish when marriage and babies are mentioned

In another's shoes
How shoe thieves are ultimately caught

In cahoots
A confusing term because no one knows what a “cahoot” is

In dire straits
A maritime location near Malta

Jack Frost
The wife’s look when the husband eyes the young girls at the church social

Jane Doe
A popular name given female deer

Jog my memory
When a lover keeps running through your mind

Jump down someone's throat
A very difficult maneuver resulting in severe indigestion

Jump the shark
Challenges sharks make to poor swimmers

Keep someone on their toes
Tall women kissing short guys

Keep tabs on someone
In small towns what guys do for the local bar fly

Keep your chin up
Cosmetic surgery

Keep your eye on the ball
A detachable eye is useful in some sports

Keep your head
Negotiating with Cannibals

Lame duck
A geeky duck

Land of nod
Corporate board meetings

Landslide victory
A victory in the Avalanche Olympics

Laughing stocks
Characterizations of the value of American stocks in 2008

Make a monkey of someone
World reaction to Darwin’s theories

Make ends meet
Night club dancing

Make it snappy
A style of love-making

Make your hair stand on end
A hair style also called the “Mohawk” or the “Mullet

Make your toes curl
Really good love-making

Half a mind
The intelligence allotment meted out to congress people

Handwriting like chicken scratch
Unfair criticism of chicken's and doctors attempt to learn to write

Hang by a thread
An outlaw’s suggestion as to what kind of rope ought to be used in his hanging.

Hard act to follow
Being next in line after the Octopus has had his turn at the cow milking contest

Hard of hearing
A disease husbands and teens acquire when something is being said they don’t like. It is considered incurable.

Hat trick
The act of pulling a hat out of a rabbit

Have a bash
What happens behind Texas bars late at night to innocent bystanders

Have a foot in both camps
Foolish attempt by some people to share their feet in a conflict between two camps

Have a go
English version of the American idiom indicating a need to go to the bathroom

Have a trick up your sleeve
The ability to produce rabbits and hats from one’s sleeve

I may be daft, but I'm not stupid
A confusion stupid people have, not understanding that daft and stupid mean the same thing

I'll cross that road when I come to it
A common chicken manifesto

I've got your number
  What women tell a guy after they have pretended to write down a guy’s number on a piece of paper

Idle hands are the devil's handiwork
Who knew that Satan knitted hands to pass the time in hell

If you lie down with the Devil, you will wake up in hell
Advice mothers give to girls dating the bad boy in town

In a fog

Summer time in San Francisco

Juggle frogs
Outlawed in 20 states

Jump on the bandwagon

Jungle out there
Two monkeys commiserating

Justice is blind
And the police are searching for who ever did it.

Kangaroo court
Refers to the Australian Open Tennis courts where Kangaroos are allowed to compete

Keep body and soul together
Refers to a romantic relationship where men want the former and women want the latter.

Keep in touch
The goal of every high school male on a date

Keep mum
The decision not to send mother to a nursing home

Keep your fingers crossed
Futile gesture in a high stake poker match

Keep your options open
Keeping one’s option open is the first step toward trouble

Kick the can down the road
A game played primarily by US congress people

Kick up your heels
An expression of joy usually followed by a serious tumble to the ground

Leave well alone

A warning issued by the owner of a desert well or watering hole.

Lend an ear
Gruesome lending practice

Let the cat out of the bag
Refers to cats imprisoned in bags scratching the furniture

Let the grass grow round your feet
What happens with very slow moving people


Make bets in a burning house
Slow roasting gambling addicts

A cheap way of getting your nails done

Nature abhors a vacuum
Why cats hate vacuum cleaners

One bad apple
Claim by Apple that only one of their factories exploited their workers

One for the road
Refers to the false belief that roads drink

One good turn deserves another
False belief that continuing turning to the right is merited

One in the eye
A maneuver used by contestants in the Annual Long Range Spittle Contest

One man's meat is another man's poison
The explanation as to why there are no Norwegian restaurants

One man's trash is another man's treasure
Refers to the mistaken belief in treasure-trash.

One swallow does not make a summer make
Ancient Viking penchant for eating small birds at the beginning of summer

One-trick pony
Refers to a pony with only one trick in the circus. Also refers to 30 clowns getting of a Volkswagen trick  The latter trick is restricted to congress people only.

Open book
Refers to bad novels lying face down on the bed-side table

A breathing method used primarily by fish

Out of pocket
A event which never occurs voluntarily in a groupc in restraunts

Out of sight, out of mind

Paddle your own canoe
Ancient Viking custom of punishing evil spirits thought to lurk in their canoes.

Pain in the neck
The first sign that a vampire is trying to suck your blood

Paper over the cracks
Heavy make-up

Par for the course
A grade of “C” in a course on golfing

Pea soup
Visibility in San Francisco in summer when the fog rolls in.
See also “The coldest summer in the US”

Pecking order
The process of keeping order in some societies by pecking people on the head

Pen is mightier than the sword
Pen propaganda

Penny wise, pound foolish
The autobiography of the Olson twins

People person
Cannibal dining preference
Pick someone's brains
Cannibal fine dining

Pie in the sky
A photo taken at a Pie-Throwing contest

Queen bee
See “Domestic Goddess”


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Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 4/13/2012
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the laughter this morning, Lonnie...these are awesome!


Books by
Lonnie Hicks

The Gospel According to Lilith: Fantasy (10) free audio chapters) & Videos

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, more..

Love: Its Wonderments, Sufferings and Consumations (Free Audio Samples-41)

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Kindle, more..

Letters From the Earth: Faint Hopes and Lamentations

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Kindle, Amazon, more..

Politics, Poetry and Love in the Obama Age

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Kindle, more..

The Obama Chronicles: Stories From the Heartland

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Kindle, Amazon, more..

Einstein, Religion, Politics and Literature-461 pps

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, more..

Action/Thriller Stories
1. Who Ever Controls the Money Supply Control
2. Why Substitute English Teachers Have Grey
3. Homicide Hunter: Lt. Joe Kenda
4. The History of Human Societies: What Are T
5. Evil Is In The Doing
6. Movies I Love
7. Midas
8. Hooey, the Cat Who Helped Johnny Appleseed
9. It Hits the Fan
10. The Wreck
11. The National Security State: Have We Lost
12. America's Health Care System: What are the
13. Gerunds
14. Psychopaths and Institutions
15. Einstein: How do Galaxies Work?
16. The Ferguson Chronicles-Updated 9/5/14
17. Stranger Lurking In the Shadows
18. Iron Drops
19. 17 two dollar books for self-publishing In
20. Love's Remains

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