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Lonnie Hicks

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Books by Lonnie Hicks
Fractured Idioms-7/2/12
By Lonnie Hicks
Posted: Monday, July 02, 2012
Last edited: Monday, July 16, 2012
This short story is rated "PG" by the Author.
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Recent stories by Lonnie Hicks
· Hard Town Trucking
· Abandoned Hearts
· History of Human Societies: Two: What Are The Facts? Updated: 9/2/14
· History: Blood Simple- The Human Preoccupation
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· History: The Bible as the Oldest Egalitarian Document in History- 7/2/15
           >> View all 436
Idioms for the Idiomatic

pluck off
When chickens swear

a meeting of minds
That which never happens in a corporate board room, more like a meeting of parrots

cut and paste
Without which there would be thousands fewer writers, including me-for sure

toss back and forth
Rough love-play?


on probation
Most husbands

Panic situations
Kitchens in most of the homes in the morning where school age children are involved

wear down
A successful tactic used by every teenager and two year old in the world

bear down
Wall street 2008

be on cloud nine
The false notion that drugs are dispensed in heaven on cloud nine.

be light years away from
Typo-actually should be "light beers away from"  and then you have a description of astronomy for alcoholics

a pig in a poke
Wrong. Pokes do not produce pigs, bacon, yes, pigs no.

taste like
Anything really disgusting can be passed of as "taste-like," usually followed by “chicken”

 
be rolling in it
Refers to either money or cow chips

can kiss goodbye
When lovers break up one of them often extend this invitation while pointing to mistletoe pinned to their coattail.


drop-dead gorgeous
The peculiar notion that women look their best dead



straight man
Part of the comedy duo, “Straight and Gay” which confuses people


whistling in the dark
A nonchalant attitude one lover makes when their  love says they are too tired. Rhymes with “I didn’t want to anyway”
 
fling at
Some people fling things. I know-shocking. Happens most when hubby shows up at 3am

love handles
Gripping lovemaking technique among the cuddly bears

I'm not made of money!
Teenagers believe this to be a false statement

a white elephant
And a black elephant commiserating about how it is a jungle out there.

play for a sucker
In amateur sports, players are poorly paid, if at all, some getting only a lollipop for compensation


Not for my money
The cheapsake’s favorite saying

got to run
The creepers motto


be no match for
the barbecure, no where in the house

Not to worry
Lemming motto


Keep your shirt on
Bad advice at a nudist colony

keep on keeping on
Wasn’t that a song in the sixties?


Bad news travels fast
By way of a big mouth

right as rain
Look folks rain has nothing to do with right or wrong. Who writes these things?

Make haste slowly
When a turtle and a rabbit have children

in a good light
This is why bars have bad lighting

room together
Causes enemies for life

raise hand against
Futile effort in the face of an on-coming train

foregone conclusion

Trouble in the above case is a…

 
kink up

When kinking down becomes boring

pop the question
Let’s get this straight, questions don’t pop, babies do that sometimes before the question is even asked.


drive to drink
Drinking buddies on their way to “The Bar for Serious Alcoholics”

scare the pants off
Really horny women try to get a guy's pants off by wearing a Richard Nixon mask

in bad taste
Can’t touch this

hang a huey
Huey? What is a huey?

get comeuppance
A signal Romeo got from Juliet standing below her balcony

fight tooth and claw
Dental combat

hollow out
What reckless tongue-kissing feels like

get hands on
Every school boys dream

sacked out
The ancient Vikings conduced combat with sacks filled with bricks. The loser was said to be..

will stop at nothing
Procrastination

up sticks
The opening bell for the “Annual Eating with Chopsticks Contest”

Thank you very much
A scarstic  comment made to bad tippers

 
tell what to do with
Has to do with Mistoete and coattails

swab down
An English sailior fallen in combat

in the prime of life
Beef cows commiserating

skimp on

Typo-eliminate the “m” and you have a description of Dorothy’s form of locomotion in the Wizard of Oz. Did she ever just walk down the yellow brick road. Guess not.

  
what's his face
People with poor vision often cannot  distinish a face from a hole in the wall.
 
slap down
A slapping contest between an octopus and a politician. Yea octopus.

Say cheese!

Some people just do not smile naturally and need help

draw alongside
If there are two drawers then they tend to be  no longer alongside

tense up
Practicing Keigles

patter of tiny feet
10 year old Ballerina practice

Aim for the stars!
You take the one on the left I'll take the one on the right

When in Rome
Beware of Greeks bearing bonds

none of your  beeswax
Getting wax out of a bees ear is considered next to impossible

a Gordian knot
There is no such thing as a Gordian

tug at heartstrings
The human heart does not have strings- for strings see Physics String Theory or "thong"

  


Web Site: www.lonniehicks.com  

Reader Reviews for "Fractured Idioms-7/2/12"


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Reviewed by pat medlin
i love your breaks from einstein...they undo the cramps that the einsteins do to my little pea brain.

my 'partner in crime' is out of town for a feew days and reading some of your brainstretching pieces keeps me in shape so i don't snore when i occasionally snooze-off during one of his enthusiastic dissertations. i adore intelligent 'thinking' and curious questioning men. thank you lonnie
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Hahahahahaha....I can't even pick a favourite...they're all hilarious!!! Thanks for the laughter, Lonnie....we can all use it!

Anna

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