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Donna Hale Chandler

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By Donna Hale Chandler
Monday, March 01, 2010

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Trying to LOOK young, even though the years continue to add up, is difficult enough. These 'tasks' need not be completed after midnight!

It’s true .  It’s not easy, nor is it inexpensive trying to retain the beauty that we had in our youth.  It’s a monumental task at times but one that I attack with all the determination of any aging female.  I keep myself well groomed and most of the time I at least attempt to consume a healthy diet. Plus, I color my hair myself …… which is the subject of today’s Beauty Advice.
According to the instructions on the Lady Clairol box, you are to wash your hair.  You are not to use any mousse, setting gel, etc.  You are to wait at least 12 hours after washing your hair to allow the natural oils to build up and offer some protection to your scalp from the powerful chemicals that are necessary when covering grey.
After reading all these directions, I felt quite confident that I would be able to accomplish this transformation in plenty of time to go out with my sweetie the next evening.  I washed and conditioned my hair after dinner.  When it was time for bed, I sat the alarm on my cell phone for 6:00 am.  This would give me plenty of time to make myself presentable before the dead-line I’d sat for myself of 9:00 am.  (Everyone should be up and ready to ‘meet the day’ by 9:00 …. A point that I’m sure would be debated by many who like to stay snuggled under the covers a bit longer.)
It felt as though I had just dozed off when my cell phone is playing that catchy little happy tune to wake me…………. Up I hop ……. Into the bathroom …. Mix the color …. Cover my head with goop, paying special attention to the grey around the edges … Set the timer for 30 minutes. Warm a cup of left-over coffee and prepare to read my morning newspaper while I wait for Lady Clairol to produce her miracle.
But the morning newspaper had not arrived … My newspaper delivery person is never ever late.  Why do they have to be late today?  I can’t think of any other way to get through 30 minutes with goopy hair, except to sit quietly and read.  But NO newspaper.  Grrrrrr.
As I walk past the kitchen, I glace at the clock on the wall.  12:45 am.  Oh dear, my clock has stopped ……. Search for new batteries. (Careful don't tilt my head too far or I'll have goop drips all over the floor)  No.  Wait.  The clock is running.  WHAT TIME IS IT? Check the time on the cable box in the living room (that time is ALWAYS correct, right?)  12:45 AM!  WHAT THE HECK?  No wonder I felt like I had just dozed off.  I DID.  What am I doing up at 12:45 with color all over my head?  I haven’t slept enough yet!
Wait!  Did I set my phone alarm wrong? …. Nah, I wouldn’t make a mistake like that, would I? ….. go to the bedroom to check the phone …. Nope, I didn’t make a mistake.  The alarm is set to go off at 6:00 am.
Oh my ………….. I have a voice mail.  Someone called me at 12:45.  It must be an emergency.  Something has happened to one of my children.  Oh goodness, why didn’t I realize it was the voice mail notification, not the alarm?  Dreading to listen to bad news and already wondering how I fast I could get myself together to go to the rescue (what happens to my hair if I rinse this stuff off before the 30 minutes is up?  Or maybe I’ll just leave it on and only take time to grab my purse and go.  What would happen to my hair then?)
I punch in the numbers to listen, holding my breath.  Oh dear, it's my son's number.  What could have happened to him?  He's in Michigan.  I'm in Florida.  How fast can I get there?  Should I try to get a flight or just jump in my car and take off?
Oh the panic that our children can bring to us with a simple phone call.  But guess what!  My son is alive and well ..... although if he lived closer, that might not be the case for long.  I will be sure to tell him that while I'm trying to cover the grey hair, he's giving me MORE grey.  Why am I just a tad annoyed with my first born?  Well I'll tell you why ..........  MY SON WAS EVIDENTLY IN A BAR WITH A GROUP OF HIS FRIENDS.  HE WAS LISTENING TO KARAOKE AND FELT THE IRRESISTIBLE NEED TO SHARE WITH ME THE SOUND OF HIS FAVORITE SINGER OF THE EVENING.  MAYBE HE WAS EVEN THE SINGER.  WHO KNOWS?  WHO CARES???  CERTAINLY NOT ME!    Perhaps I need to explain to him that I AM NOT INTERESTED IN LISTENING TO HIS RECORDED KARAOKE MUSIC AT 12:45!
I do know one thing absolutely and positively …….. As soon as I rinse this stuff off my hair, I’M GOING BACK TO BED. (after I turn off my phone alarm, of course) and I don’t think I’ll be ‘meeting the day’ at 9:00.  GEEZZZ!
As a footnote to this little escapade of coloring my hair in the middle of the night, I'll tell you that I ranted and raved to my sweetie the next day.  Was he sympathetic to my plight?  Did he pat me on the back and say, "There, there, I understand."?  Nope!  Completely the opposite.  He thought it was hilliarous.  When he finally got control of his laughter, he was on the phone immediately to let all our friends know of my latest BLONDE MOMENT.  Yep, it's ALWAYS funny when it happens to someone else.  Your turn is coming Mr. Sweetie.
                    © copyright Donna Hale Chandler

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Reviewed by C. Kraemer 1/27/2012
AMEN!!! I send my hubby out to ride the Harley. Something about--"The sun is shining and it's not raining" [This is Oregon; it can do both at the same time!]He gets a tad grumpy when the thermometer is hovering at 32 degrees. Spoil sport! Love your bits and bobs stories.

Makes me homesick for Tampa.
Reviewed by Victoria Murray 1/17/2012
What a treat as a writer you are Donna. I loved your fun story. Keep em' coming! Reading this made my day!

Happy Writing ~

Victoria Taylor Murray
Reviewed by CJ Heck 5/29/2011
I'm rolling on the floor, Donna!! This is hysterical. Again, been there, done that, and I actually turned my hair green in the process. Something about using one brand of hair color all the time and not switching brands ... crap, crap, crap. That was fun. NOT!
I love your humor, girl.
Reviewed by Linda Lycett 10/28/2010
Absolutely fantastic. What a gem. Talk about giggle...
Reviewed by Judith Ann 3/24/2010
I loved this story. It is well written and kept me on the edge of my seat until I knew what the emergency was, and what you would do with the goop on your hair if you had to run to the rescue.
Reviewed by Richard King 3/1/2010
What a neat story. Interesting, well told, funny. Applause, applause. Dick

Books by
Donna Hale Chandler

The Hints Book Almanac II

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Amazing Grace

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Beginning to Begin (Again)

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Life Happens (My Story)

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The Hints Book Almanac

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My Twill is Tasted: I Mean…My Tale is Twisted by John Rayburn

A demonstration of how such stories as Aesop's Fables, student word play, inadvertent slips of the lip can contribute to hilarious verbal and written language mishaps...  
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Poisoned By Yew by Janice Scott

A collection of all the short stories featured on my pages here at Authors' Den...  
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