I am a hero. And you are a hero too. Keep telling that to yourself, repeat it to yourself every second, and maybe, just maybe you will get through the day without falling to pieces. Who made me a hero? I don`t know, maybe i made myself a hero , maybe i had that coming when i was watching action movies as a kid and reading comics and dreamed that i was just like those hard boiled gods of my childhood. And as I grew up i found myself turning into something similar, but at the same time so different. I have dozens of problems, and dozens more stacking at my door every day. And I am bound to solve them all, because people are counting on me, people are looking at me and expecting, not hoping, not dreaming, but expecting, demanding to see me solve them at once.
My parents expect me to be the smartest, the most righteous, the most successful man they ever knew, because they assume to have given me everything I ever needed as a child. How did they know what i needed since i barely now understand of what i should have needed years ago to survive the years that are to come?
But i mustn`t breake mom`s heart. How can you destroy the soul that nourished you, that raised you, fed you, cleaned you, tucked you in to bed,and kept you safe from all dangers.I must find a way to make it happen, or else that inner voice would remember me forever of what a bad man i am. How could I ever live with my self if I disappoint the very peoples that have gave me life and raised me?
And then your friends. They expect you to be their friend, they expect you to be there, to drink a beer with them in times of joy and to give them a hand in times of sorrow. Could you as a human being , gifted with human emotions disappoint those boys who you used play as a kid, who were next to you when you smoked your first cigarette, with who you gazed your eyes on your first porn magazine? Those guys who helped you , and stood by you when you were down?
How about your woman. Do you have the heart , you wretched being, to deny that person the pleasure of a holiday in an exotic location, or the comfort of a beautiful house with a yard and a white fence, or to deprive her from the pleasure of wearing an expensive fur coat, or an exquisite piece of jewelery? That woman who gave herself to you and who stands in this world as your closest soul. Can you disappoint her.
But you`re no good , and you know it. You don`t have super powers, you`re not the smartest man, or even among the smartest men. You`re not beautiful, or successful. You`re not rich, you don`t have a dime , but somehow you must fulfill everybody`s expectations.
And how about that last person that expects from you even more. Than person that constantly screams at you at reminds you of how low you are, and how much of a disappointment you turn out to be every day. That person that knows everything about you and will never forgive you if you do her wrong. That person is yourself. Sometimes you have to choose, sometimes you have to please yourself as well as the others when that seems to be impossible. But you are a hero. And you must do it. You must make things happen, because for you there is no forgiveness. God might forgive you, but until you will meet Him, those around you will eat you alive. They can chew you and spit you out as easy as they kiss you and squeeze you into their arms\
And even if they will forgive you, you will not forgive yourself and that inner voice that you hear from time to time reminding you to stop wasting your time will turn into a worm that will eat you from the inside.
You are a hero, and you must make things happen. You do not gain by victories, but you merely save, you save your life style, you save your peace. How must peacefull wouldn`t you be walkin down the street if someone wouldn`t have told you that you can own a car, and that will save you time, and give you comfort and make you a better man in the eyes of others. But now that peace is broken and you must work to re-establish it. It doesnt matter if you buy the damn car of if you convince your self of the futility of achieving material prizes. Those are only two faces of the same coin, but the battle still must be fought and the peace restored one way or the other.
Somedays you find yourself overhelmed and feel like screaming ``Why me? Why must I solve everything?`` Slap yourself, and return to reality because you are just wasting time. Time that you should be using finding a solution to your problems. Why you, you ask? Because you are free, because you are a hero just like you dreamed of being as a kid. And why do you scream and despair, you are not expected to deal with mad scientists or criminal masterminds like you saw in the movies. You`re just dealing with everyday life.
You might not end up to be victorious in the end. How many people have you heard saying that they managed to achieve everything they ever wanted in life, and have desire for nothing else. You`ll probably lose some battles like the rest of us, but that loss will be sweeter if you know you fought every second and gave everything you had, for at least then it will not be your fault. You can blame bad luck, God, fate ,charma, you can blame whoever you want , it wasn`t your fault, you did everything you could, you are a hero. On the other side, you will gain some battles at well. And that would be even sweeter. To see the look on your close ones faces when you emerge triumphantly, when you , against all odds manage to bring order into chaos ,to make something out of nothing, to give them back the hope, and save the day.
We all fight for that, aren`t we? We all have our loved ones who look at us demanding to do something. And who do we look at? God? Aren`t we a bunch of ipocrites there? What if God is just another hero, one of us. And he has the entire world looking at Him and expecting a solution to their problems. Who can He turn to? In these moments you might feel like having a beer with the All mighty and tap him on his sholder friendly as one who understands what he is going through.
Stop screaming for help everyday because nobody is going to help you. You are the only hero around.