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Linda Nelson

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Eww - Mayo Pudding
By Linda Nelson
Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Rated "G" by the Author.

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What would your reaction be if you saw someone eating Mayo from a jar by the spoonful?

"Mom, I'm going to make some vanilla pudding," I yelled from the kitchen.

My mom didn't answer me but what was new. Most times she didn't seem to hear me anyways. She worked in a loud machine shop and her hearing seemed to be lacking much these days.

I looked in the cupboard above the kitchen counter in search of a package of pudding mix. There was none. Now what was I going to do. I had promised my friends that I would make enough for them to have some too.

There had to be a way. It couldn’t be that hard for a twelve year old to do.

I thought for a moment then it dawned on me - go get the cookbook. There lo and behold was a recipe for vanilla pudding. The recipe said it was for six to eight servings. That should be enough.

I went about gathering up all the ingredients I was going to need, like the milk, eggs, vanilla, and sugar. I then combined all the ingredients in a large pot and began cooking it.

I had made sure that I followed the recipe carefully but I was surprised to see how much it really made. I had to use a larger pot in the end. I hoped it would cook down. There was a lot of it.

“Damn it,” I said after taking the pot off the stove to discover how much of the pudding I had really made. “Mom’s gonna kill me if she sees this.”

I looked all over the kitchen for a container to put the pudding in but found none. All the ones that were the size that I needed were already being used for leftovers in the fridge.

Then I spied the empty mayo jar in the trash. That would be the perfect size. I rescued it and cleaned it up both inside and out. It would have to do, but I couldn’t get the label off the outside of the jar.

Oh well, I thought.

I quickly put the pudding in the jar before my mom came into the kitchen and cleaned up my mess so she wouldn’t see that either.

“I’m going out,” I yelled while taking my jar of pudding and a couple of plastic spoons with me to meet my friends on the crowded playground.

When I got there I took a seat on an empty bench and waited… and waited. No one came and I was getting hungry, so I opened up the jar and took one of the spoons and began to eat.

“ewe…, what are you eating, Mayonnaise,” a ten year old boy said as he sat down on the bench next to me. Soon he was followed by his band of six little friends all eyeballing me as I scooped out another spoonful of pudding.

“Yup,” I said and put the spoonful in my mouth, “want some – I have more spoons.”

The kid made a horrid face, “no thanks,” he said, “that’s disgusting.” He and his friends took off each making a face as they ran off to play.

“Your loss,” I yelled after them.

A young mother with a baby in a stroller sat by me next and also watched me eat from that jar of mayo. She grimaced each time I put the spoonful in my mouth. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and moved to the other end of the bench and put her back to me.

I had half the jar gone by the time my friends finally showed up.

“Hey did you bring the pudding,” Ryanna asked.

“Yup, it’s right here.”

I handed both of them a spoon and the half eaten jar of Mayo.

They both gave me a strange look.

“Mayo, I’m not eating that shit,” Lorna said.

“Look,” I said, taking the jar back from them, “it’s not mayo. It’s pudding.”

I scooped out another spoonful in front of them and ate it.

“Ewe, that’s grouse.”

“Just try it,” I said.

Ryanna took the jar from me with a spoon and took a dainty spoonful. A surprised look formed on her face. “Wow, this mayo is pretty good.”

Lorna tried to grab the jar away from her, “let me see.”

But Ryanna held the jar out of her reach.

It was funny to see my two friends fighting over the mayo jar. It was even funnier to see the look on the faces of the passerbys as they watched them fight over who was going to finish off the jar.

A six year old boy tugged on his mom’s arm on their way by us, “Mom? Can I have Mayo for desert tonight?”

She gave him a scowling look and pulled him along behind her. Apparently she did not think Mayo would make a great snack for son.

For the rest of the year, my friends and I laughed about the day we ate Mayo in public by the spoonful.




Copyright © July 2012





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