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Books by Tom Hyland
Mental Giants
By Tom Hyland
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2007
Last edited: Thursday, March 29, 2007
This short story is rated "PG13" by the Author.
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Recent stories by Tom Hyland
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?
· DADDY ... ADDENDUM
· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?
· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !
· ALL MY CARS - PART 2
· ALL MY CARS
· AU-TO-MO-BILES
           >> View all 79
As William Shakespear's character Puck so aptly put it:

"What Fools these Mortals be!"

Also, an old adage comes to mind:

"If it ain't broke - don't fix it!"

Read on MacDuff.........



MENTAL GIANTS

Copyright: March 29, 2007
Tom Hyland


Well Gals and Guys, this one is all about another of Baltimore’s so-called ‘Finest’ -- the Transportation Department. Let me count the ways of their brilliance. But first, allow some true historical data to help you to understand the disparity between utility and common sense, okay?

For fourteen years, I resided in an area of Baltimore, known as Hamilton. The prime roadway of this area is Harford Road, which runs in a Northeasterly direction as it moves away from the central city. Roughly, from North Avenue northward, all the way to Parkville, it has always been a nice, wide thoroughfare. It has always also been a major artery for ingress and egress to the city during ‘rush hour’ traffic.

Just to help you to get a ‘visual’ imagine a street wide enough to support two lanes of traffic, each way – plus another two lanes for parking, in each direction – that’s SIX lanes wide! Now imagine that other than painted lines on the surface, there has never been ANY obstructions. This means that if a driver had ever missed his or her turn, or passed the street they wanted, all that was necessary was to wait for a pause in traffic, and make a simple U-TURN! Got the picture? Convenient - Simple – Sensible – Practical – right?

Now, let’s jump ahead to the present. Several weeks ago, ‘they’ showed up in mass numbers, construction crews everywhere, every block from Hamilton Avenue, going south for about a mile was disrupted. Traffic cones, orange striped barrels, trucks, high-powered air-hammer drills -- abounded everywhere. Heavy demolition equipment, backhoes, generators, orange hats, blue hats, yellow hats, white hats – WOW! BUSY! BUSY! BUSY! What busy little beavers they were – and still are!

What in God’s name were they doing? It took a couple of weeks of passing in and out of this congestion to finally figure it out. After cutting through the tarred surface, digging out the dirt thereunder, along with ANCIENT steel embedded trolley tracks, they then formed and poured cement curbs. Next, they backfilled the elongated holes with a poured cement center base. Then, this was ‘topped off’ with sand. If and when they ever finish, I expect that more dirt, then grass-seed will be added.

Yes, Dear Readers, they are constructing MEDIANS, or ISLANDS, all along Harford Road – now, U-TURNS WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. Now, lanes will be narrower. Now, any unfortunate pedestrian, or handicapped wheel-chair pusher will be forced to go around all these new obstacles. Before, whenever there was any snowfall whatsoever, there were NO OBSTRUCTIONS for snowplows to maneuver around. Hell, even big SALT-TRUCKS could have made U-TURNS! NO MORE! Brilliant, right?

I can’t even begin to estimate how many hundreds of thousands, or maybe even millions of dollars have already been BLOWN on this STUPID project, for demolition and then re-construction. Next will come thousands or more dollars, ad infinitum, into the future – for MAINTENANCE of these impediments to traffic flow!

Will it be grass seeding, then mowing? Or perhaps trees will be planted, that will eventually grow large enough to then block drivers’ visions, then we’ll spend more money for annual ‘pruning’ of same. THIS has already been done in many, many other places in BALTIMORE, such as ROUTE 702 in Essex.

But, not to worry – I can personally attest to the fact that MUCHO of these laborers were obviously of the Mexican persuasion, more than likely “GREEN-CARDERS” – ERGO, some sort of ‘cost-savings’ are being experienced. Hell, that’s a lot better than having “three-time-losers” in ORANGE PRISON JUMPSUITS roaming about our main streets, isn’t it?

How many NEW ACCIDENTS will occur in the future, because of these “Islands of Idiocy?” How many tires will be RUPTURED, and/or rims bent or dented by unwary drivers simply ‘cutting’ a little too sharp when making turns now, at every FRIGGIN’ corner of every FRIGGIN’ block?

Granted, this little story is no “BIGGY” – after all, it is only one area, of one section, of one road, in one city, in one state, right? But, does it not make you wonder, or question – just who in the hell are these “MENTAL GIANTS” screwing up the traffic patterns of probably all of our major cities and metropolitan areas? How did they get their jobs in the first place? Is it simply a perfect example of “The Peter Principle” at work? Have they all been promoted to their highest level of incompetence? …and likewise their BOSSES? …and their bosses’ BOSSES?

Gee, what if it is an INVERSE ‘DRIBBLE-DOWN EFFECT?” You know, an upward mobility “PETER-PUSHING-PETER” ladder that rises up throughout ALL OF OUR POLITICIANS – all the way up to “EL PRESIDENTE?”

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL! AMERICA THE MAGNIFICENT! AMERICA THE HOME OF “MENTAL GIANTS!”

WHAT A COUNTRY! WHAT A NATION! WHAT A MESS!

‘THEY’ should get ---

Rowan & Martin’s “FICKLE FINGER OF FATE" AWARDS!









 

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Reviewed by m j hollingshead
interesting read
Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor (Reader)
One thing about growing old is the resistance to change.
You are just mad because you can't make that U turn any more, Tom.
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Smooch.

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