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Dickon Springate

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Member Since: Apr, 2011

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Handyman Snafu
By Dickon Springate
Wednesday, April 06, 2011

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When a simple spot of DIY ended up with me feeling very red faced and stupid.

 Today I have to nominate myself for an Honorary Darwin Award, as there is no way of hiding the shame or of sharing the blame.


{ for Reference; a Darwin Award is given to a person who manages to remove themselves from the human gene pool for the benefit of mankind and by someone who knows better. Thus a suicide, baby or lunatic cannot be given an award, but an open heart surgeon who tried a solo operation on himself certainly would. }


In my life I have done some pretty crazy things, some pretty stupid things and some downright dangerous things, but today tops the cake. What I did was not something that was even potentially fatal, but by the rules governing the awards anyone who makes themselves completely unattractive to the opposite sex as to ever prevent procreation still get an honorary mention.


I've been scammed by clever con artists, I've allowed myself to be pickpocketted, I've paid for things I never wanted and lent money to people and then never seen them again, I've even been unable to best a small child who refused to go to sleep without a story, but all these pale against the event that happened just a few hours ago.


Today, despite my previous D.I.Y. experience OR the set of instructions in front of me, I was outwitted by a piece of bedroom furniture. Now I don't mean I something as trivial as being unable to assemble a flat pack wardrobe. No.


I don't mean I completed the task and then realised I had vital pieces still in the box at the end. No.


I don't EVEN mean that I erected something that was, after construction, far too big or small for the job. No


All those I could suffer with only mild frustration and growing annoyance at myself or the person who designed / packed it.


No, today's effort on my part went waaaaaaaaaaaaaay past anything like that.


Well what is it, I hear you ask ???


In trying to deal with the humiliation I have to admit that during construction I totally lost track of all spacial awareness and actually managed to build it around myself and so ended up pinning myself against a wall with nowhere to go and no room to move, save to dismantle part of it and climb out.


So I ask you, if you were a self respecting woman ( and some of you reading this no doubt are ), would YOU date a man so inept that he allows himself to be outwitted by an inanimate object, or worse beaten by an inanimate object that wasn't even there to start with?


No, I don't suppose you would, and I for one don't blame you for it in the slightest. I wouldn't date me either !!!

       Web Site: Man of Mystery Short Story - Handyman Snafu

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