April 26, 1995: The breakdown
Delyn’s hands shook as she sat down at the dining table. “How dare he!” She thought. While she was trying desperately to calm down and enjoy her meal, Damien appeared, now dressed in jeans and a form fitting dark blue t-shirt and dark socks. He said nothing, just brought his tray to the sink. After he refilled his tea glass, Damien sat down across from Delyn at the table. She refused to look at him, just looked across the table as she slowly chewed a mouthful of salad. Amusement shimmered in Damien’s eyes. He knew she was still remembering how he looked standing in front of the mirror. He cleared his throat. “The food was excellent. You’re a good cook. By the way, my name’s Damien.” His words were clipped, with an air of coolness. She said nothing. Damien glared at her. “Did seeing me naked upset you that much? Why? You’re a grown woman, I know you’ve seem the male anatomy before”. Then he looked thoughtful. “But then again, you’ve never seen ME naked before!” Then he laughed a mirthless little short laugh. This time Delyn whirled on him. With fire dancing in her eyes, she said: “Don’t you sit there looking all smug at me, you jackass! You think what you did turn me on? Well it turned me off! I have no desire to see your body! Believe me, I am not impressed! You call yourself a man? Well you acted more like a silly little boy, to me! If that’s all the substance there is to you, then you’re lacking in more than one area! Just proves that your mind is just as narrow as your backside!” Her voice was no longer soft, but high and shrill. Damien never flinched, just sipped his tea and eyed her over the rim of his tea glass. “Uh. Very interesting”, he muttered. He stood, took his tea and went to the sofa.
He searched thru the books Delyn had left on the table. She eyed him from the dining table. What are you looking for, porn?” she asked acidly. Damien grinned at that. “uh, no. I found a book of poems earlier. I liked it. Just wondering if you had another.” Delyn stared at him. Her face grew warm. For him to take something so personal, so intimate as her own words, was a violation! “You took my book? Without asking? You give that back to me; it’s the last copy I have left. It’s not for sale and it’s not for charity. Give it back!” He could tell she was angry. He didn’t care, because right now she was acting like a spoiled little girl. “No. Not until you apologize for calling me a jackass:, he said. He tried to look hurt. Delyn just turned away, fuming now. Damien was not being nice. He wanted to shake her up, make her angry, and make her as miserable as he was. After all: misery loves company! “And, I want an apology from you for walking into my room to peek at my sexy naked body. Shame on you, girl! If you want some of this, all you have to do is ask!” He chided, with a dark smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and spread his hands to emphasize his entire body. She she jumped to her feet, shaking with justifiable anger and hurt.
“Ask?? I bet you don’t ask, do you? You like to take!. Makes you feel in control, doesn’t, to hold power over someone defenseless?! To take something that doesn’t belong to you, to hurt people weaker than you?!” Her voice was cold and lifeless now, and Damien sat frowning. Then he too, stood, so quickly that it startled Delyn and she gasped. “Hey! What the hell is wrong with you, girl? Sounds like somebody took more than a book from you!.......Is that it?” his voice trailed off when he saw the haunted, sad look come across Delyn’s face. His words knocked all the fight out of her, and she sat down, lowered her head in her hands and started to cry softly. Her small shoulders shook a she let go of all the pent up tears. This time, she did cry out loud, like never before.
April 26, 1995: The confessions
Damien stood over her, not sure what to do. This all happened so suddenly. He had no idea she was that upset. “Hey, look, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Come on, hush now. I thought we were enjoying a little harmless flirt and tease” he was speaking softly, trying to sooth her, but she kept crying. “Awe, come one, girl. Don’t cry like that, I like you better when your big brown eyes are shooting fire and daggers at me, not leaking like water fall” he tried to make light of it. He sighed heavily. All this crying was irritating him. Damien sighed and took her by the shoulders and led her to the sofa. To his surprise, she let him hold her while she cried, didn’t shove him away. That was something. It felt good, holding her. She felt small and fragile. After a few minutes, her shoulders stopped shaking and she quieted. Damien went to the kitchen and dampened a paper towel and brought it to her, then he handed her his ice tea glass. Cool liquid seems to do wonders for weeping women. After she wiped her eyes and blew her nose, Damien made her sip the tea. Seeing her like that made him feel protective. His finger lifted her chin and she looked up at him. Her big dreamy eyes were red and puffy. It made her look so sad, and something loosed itself inside Damien’s chest, from around his heart. He had a feeling he knew her story, but he wanted her to tell him in her own words. “I’m sorry that I made you cry. Wasn’t my intention at all. But I want you to be honest with yourself, also.
Something else caused you to break down like that” when he said that, her face screwed up again, like a small child when it’s being scolding for something, sort of sad and pouty. “Delyn, you don’t have to be afraid of me, I won’t hurt you. I won’t judge. Tell me why you’re so sad.” Damien’s eyes held her still, not allowing her to hide inside herself, like she so desperately wanted to at that moment. She saw strength and confidence in his depths, and kindness, even though he had tried to make her believe he was a rotten creep who didn’t care about anything or anyone. He was hiding it now, but earlier, she had seen his pain, too. She swallowed and sat up straight. Damien stayed close, not moving. Delyn looked down. She wondered when he had taken her hand. “Alright. I’ll tell you why I lost it just now” she tried to smile, but her mouth tremble . Damien squeezed her hand in assurance. “A bout 2 ½ years ago I got baptized, and I started preaching the good news about Christ. I met a lot of really great people that have become my friend and my family. My spiritual family. There was a brother named Jason Healy who was baptized the same day I was. Actually there were 12 of us, and we became very close. We hung out together. Jason was 18 years old at the time. I was 23 and there was a sister who was 26, one 35 and several more was teens, like Jason”. She paused to get her bearings then went on; all the while hold Damien’s strong warm hand, like it was the natural thing to do. “Last year, I noticed Jason seemed a little too attached to me, sort of fixated. We talked about it, him being too young to pursue a wife, and me not being interested. You see, in our organization, you don’t date until you’re pursuing a mate for the purpose of marriage. Jason knew this, but he had a crush on me.
Then he left and didn’t bother me for about 6 months.” Suddenly, a dark look came over Delyn’s face. Damien noticed and squeezed her hand tighter. “Delyn, it’s ok. Who ever he is, he can’t hurt you anymore” …Delyn smiled, but it was a cold vacant smile. Her voice sounded so small when she spoke, Damien had to strain to what she said. “Yes. He can” she whispered. Tears slid down her face. She sniffed and continued. “Three months ago, we had a party for the birth of a sister’s twins. I hadn’t seen Jason for months, but he showed up at the party. Everyone was glad to see him. Even me. He was my little spiritual brother. I went home alone, but after I had gone to bed, I heard a knock at my door. It was Jason. His car had stalled up the street from my house. It was pouring rain and freezing. He’d called AAA and was told it would be one to two hours. He wanted to know if he could sit inside until the tow truck came for his car. I called AAA myself. They confirmed what Jason had said: one to two hours. About 30 minutes later, it started to sleet. It was going to be closer to 2 hours for the tow truck now. So I asked Jason if he wanted some coffee while we waited. While I was in the kitchen, Jason removed his clothes. He came at me so fast, caught me off guard. I tried to get away from him, but he was all over me before I could react.” Here, she paused again, that haunted look deepening on her pretty face. “I tried to fight him off, telling him how bad this was, how God knew what he was doing. I begged him not to hurt me. Told him stop, no, don’t. but he was like a wild animal, and so strong! He dragged me to the floor and forced himself on me. After he finished, I ran to my bedroom and grabbed my cell phone. He kicked the door in and took it. Then he tried to convince me that it was consensual. That it was my fault! He wouldn’t let me clean myself up. He was talking fast, ranting, confused. Then he started crying and begging me to forgive him. I was dazed, confused. I didn’t know what to do, but I wanted him out of my house! He was talking softly, saying unreasonable stuff, that God would forgive us if we got married, and that since we had already done it once, it wouldn’t hurt to do it again” Delyn paused and gulped a large amount of the tea down before she continued.
“Then he dragged me to my bed and raped me again. I wanted to die! Still he wouldn’t leave, just held me on the bed, talking nonsense about how we had to get married now, because we had sinned before God by fornicating. He had convinced himself that I was part of his sickness! With no phone and him holding tight on the bed, I felt so helpless. He wouldn’t let me get off the bed, just held me tight against him like that until morning. Then he called the elders at our Hall and told them what he had done. I wasn’t surprised that he actually told the truth. I was so scared. Women don’t usually fair well in situations like this. I know from past experience. But that’s another story for another rainy day” she said. When she said that, Damien looked so shocked. What HAD this girl been thru in her short lifetime?. “While he was on the phone I went and got in the shower and scrubbed myself raw, but it didn’t do any good. I could still feel him inside me! I felt so dirty, so ashamed of what had happened! Oh God, oh God! I felt so filthy, like I would never be clean again!” Damien swallowed the lump that swelled in his throat. His fists were clinched so tight til the nails dug deep into his palms. She must have been holding it all in, because she was letting it all out now, like the floodgates had burst open. “I didn’t know what to do . When I looked at him, I saw a frightened boy, scared and confused. He was only 18!” she cried. She went on to tell Damien about the meeting that was scheduled between her, Jason and
the elders and their wives, how she had gone to bed after the boy left, and stayed there till the next morning. She went to the meeting and was given options: call the police and report the rape, if that’s what really happened, or seek counseling along with Jason. She had gone to the hospital and had a rape kit done, but since she showered and waited so long, there wasn’t enough physical evidence. There could still be a trial, but it would be very difficult to prove rape without physical evidence: she had been there before, so she knew it from experience. They gave her the morning after pills anyway…… After she finished talking, they both sat with their eyes closed. Damien tried to comprehend how any man could do such a thing, destroy a woman like that. He spoke these words to Delyn, and more, trying to console her, but she still had that haunted look on her face. He didn’t know what else to say. “I have my faith, my belief that God makes all things better. Thru Him, I can go on and I know everything’s going to be alright. I’ve learned so much, about humility, hope, faith, real love…and long suffering! And about God’s justice as apposed to man’s” . There was a far away look on her face. Damien knew there was more to come. But she kept quiet, so he told her to lie down and sleep. It had been a long day for her! Damien put on a windbreaker jacket and went to the door: he needed a walk to clear his head, but there was no where to walk! Water was half way up the stone walkway! But he hardly noticed that he should, with some degree of urgency, use his emergency radio to contact the Texas Rangers and alert them that they were out there in that cabin!