After Kevin and Melvin both called in sick at one o'clock in the morning, Kevin and Melvin headed for the Snake River. With high hopes of catching the best fish, they set their chairs and tackle at the riverbank at two o'clock. After a short time, Melvin fell asleep in his chair. Kevin became frustrated.
Kevin sat there for a little while in the peace and quiet of the night and came up with a clever idea to relieve his frustration. He hooked Melvin's size twelve shoes onto his line and threw them out into the swift-moving river. Immediately Melvin woke up and felt the force tugging on his line and began to reel it in. Kevin said it looked like he had a really big one. "For sure! For sure!" yelled Melvin. It was quite dark there, even with some dim moonlight, and so Melvin patiently reeled the big catch in.
The river current caused the big catch to sway back and forth violently as it neared the shore. "Get the net! Get the net!" shouted Melvin. "It's the big one I've been waiting for!" he continued. Kevin got the net close to the big catch while smiling to himself. Melvin finally realized it's no fish at all but only his big old ugly shoes. "What'd you go and do that for?" he said sadly.
"If you wanted to sleep, why did you come out fishing in the first place?" responded Kevin.
Melvin just complained and said, "dag-nab-it."
A week later, Melvin was caught DUI, and his driver's license was revoked. This was the second time for Melvin. Next day, he was pulled over by Keith, one of the town cops. "Why are you driving without a driver's license?" said Keith.
Melvin thought for a few seconds and advised Keith that he needed to get to work; had three mouths to feed.
Keith informed Melvin that he had to issue him a ticket.
"Okay, okay, make it snappy then," responded Melvin.
The very next day, Melvin was pulled over by a county cop named Anthony. The county required Anthony to put a club on the steering column after the vehicle was towed to Melvin's house. During the six months when the vehicle was grounded, Melvin switched out the steering column with another column from the junkyard and continued to drive to work. "Gotta feed those kids," said Melvin. When the time came for the county to remove the club, Melvin switched out the steering columns once again.
Melvin took early retirement from his job and became quite a fisherman. He never, ever saw another pair of shoes in the Snake River. Since Melvin had trouble with his vision, he just couldn't read the sign at High Falls River, which read "No Fishing." Melvin was taken to jail by the park rangers; fishing license revoked. Kevin had the privilege of caring for Melvin's children, once more.
Copyright (c) 2010 by George Warholak. All rights reserved.