What are parents to do when they are at their end wits dealing with Adult children?
How far must parents go to bring a stop to Adult children controling and interrupting their lives?
Must parents continue helping their children by bailing them out every time they get into troble?
With many parents these questions may have crossed their minds in different ways. No matter how parents look at or trying to find answers to these questions to have some peace in their minds somewhere we need to draw th eline just how much we help our Adult children. When they smaal it was not just our responsibility for parents to provide their needs and protect them, give moral support, to guide our children in the right path at least we try and teach our children from wrong to right. Teach them tools of life for when they are mature enough and ready to move out on their own they know how to survive and be responsible of their own choice they make to enhance their lives.
Titel I chose for this story: The world taken my children was because of all the new technology and temptations that are out there in our world. Of course our children may fall into webs that the world has to offer them. They are young an djust starting out and some may be tempted or even pursued to fall into traps. Children are going to make mistakes but when Adult children continue to make mistakes and not learn something from their mistakes and they run to their parents thinking their parents will bail them out and make their misakes go away. In real life in some cases it does happen that way. Adult children moves back home and have the assumption that they don't have to pay for nothing. No bills, No rent and No chores.
What are we teaching our children? If parents keep bailing them out and being their slaves.
We want to help our Adult children and be supportive but we don't need to help by being their slaves. Parents did their job raising their children. We can't allow our children to mipulate the sitation to make their parents feel guilty or make parents feel their obligated because they are our children our blood. Tough Love is teaching our Adult children to be responsible to hold down a job to make wise choice and if they make wrong choices there come consequnces of the choice they make. It seems when children makes wrong choices and everything don't go in their way they blame their parents. I know we all were young and may have upset our parents, disappointed them some time or another. Time has changed in our world, more opportunites out there, more opitions to choose from and more temptions, peer pressure and what not. As parents we need to stand our grounds and encourage they can make it on their own and support them not financially but in other ways. We also need to be firm to tell our Adult children that we will not allow them to come inour home to disrepect us and to follow our ground rules. When they walk out in the world to find themselves, they are going to be tempted and experience many walks of life. Ups and downs but it is the choices they make and mistakes they make on their own that will teach them and help them grow in to be a strong responsible person.
Majority Adult children the world taken our children in the means that some children went the wrong way. With drugs and alochol that in some families that our Adult children fallen into. As much it may break or shattered mnay parents hearts to sit back and watch our children to go through this that may have an alochol or drug problem-they are the ones who needs to reach out for help and want the help. Parents can't help by being on them all the time, nagging them. Again using the Tough Love rules.
2. Giving advise to our children to reach out for help.
Intervention if a drug or alochol is part of their lives.
3. Set ground rules for children who moved back in with their parents.
4. Clean up after themselves, your not their maid, they have to find a job or do something with their lives and not think you allow your children to move back home to pinch off of their parents and become lazy. Don't make easy for them where they don't want to leave.
5. If they move back home and have already employment: tell them they need to help out with paying something towards the bills because bills are going to be may be a bit more now with another mouth to feed, and electricty being used.
6. Don't be their banks and bail them out when they are in to trouble. Sure we want to help our children out once awhile but don't make a habit. We are theri parents, not their maid or their slaves.
Parents want the same respect as our Adult children gives their friends, co-workers and other Adults. Parents don't to give off wrong signals on bad behaviors. We want to teach our children to full responsibility of their actions of the decisions they make. When they become parents they can be responsible and loving warm parents.
Tough Love hurt our children, it teaches our children.