Become a Fan
By Lynn R. Pinder
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
We serve an awesome God who specializes in forgiveness, love, mercy, and grace.
“I like to visit her.....sometimes I think she feels I’m near, but other times I know she doesn’t recognize my presence. She is the mother. I took the child long ago. Yet, I linger in her shadow trying to lose myself in her footsteps. I was successful in taking that life, and I won’t stop until I am sure I have hers. It is thrilling to be here. I live as a shadow…a faded memory of what was…a soft reminder of what will never be…unrelenting guilt…a hushed taboo...whispered hopelessness”.
It had been thirteen years since that dreadful day and Shawna still struggles with bouts of depression over the decision that has forever scarred her life. She was only sixteen and at the time felt like her whole world was crashing down on her. Little did she know how much that decision would so forever impact her life. Shawna always felt like she didn’t do enough to save the little life that once grew inside of her. The feeling resonated into a sadness that stirred in Shawna’s soul and touched every person who ever met her; it was in her eyes. When people met Shawna, they wondered about the sadness that lingered there. Few knew that Shawna’s sadness stemmed from her knowing somehow that she had ended the only life that would ever come from her.
“She’s vulnerable, you know. She has even almost succumbed to our pleas.”
“ I know, but that was a long time ago when it first happened.”
“We need to stay on her”.
“She is a special case.”
“Her deliverance will be our destruction.”
“We must make sure that she is never delivered.”
“Yes, we want her to feel bitterness, sorrow, and condemnation.”
“More than that, we want her to feel utter hopelessness.”
“ Then, only then will we be able to complete our one true mission.”
For months, Shawna avoided going near the abortion clinic and ironically three years later she ended up working in the same building three floors below it. She was caught off guard one day when her sister dropped her off at work and about ten pro-life protesters pleaded with her not to go into the building. It must have been the look on her face because her sister started screaming out the car window, “Leave her alone!” Shawna felt physically ill. Once inside the building, she was met by three police officers who escorted her to the little office where she worked. Shawna reflected on the irony of all this. She couldn’t help but wonder if her life would have been different if those ten protesters were present that rainy day three years ago. Would her sister had screamed at them then? Would she had made the decision if they were there? A decision, which although she felt pressured, was ultimately her own.
“God, please forgive me. I am so sorry for what I did. I am so sorry for aborting the precious gift you chose me to birth. Lord, please forgive me and help me to forgive myself. Help me to forgive those people who I felt let me down when I needed them the most. Help me to release the bitterness and the pain for myself and them. God, please release this from my spirit. Help me to move on with my life and make decisions that are pleasing to you, Lord. Help, me God be a woman of grace.”
Oh, no! She is praying!.
“Finally! It has taken you so long to seek me, my child. I AM here. I will never leave you. I was there with you on that day.
I was with the nurse as she held your hand and wiped your tears away. I was with you in the recovery room as you lay on the cot in shock trying to forget the sound of it all. I was there in that room with you and all the other women – young, old, black, and white – who made the same choice as you.
I have always been with you…waiting for you to choose me. You must trust that I have all things in control. You must believe that my Son, Jesus Christ died so that all your sins would be washed away…even this, my daughter.
You must keep living! You must keep learning! You must keep trusting! You must keep loving! You must keep growing! You must remember that I love you and will never leave you.”
-The Holy Spirit
“Get back satan!. You have no power over her.”
-The Holy Spirit
“Closure” by Lynn R. Pinder © 2003
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