I really liked this! I could see every scene like I was watching a movie. Good write.
- J -
Reviewed by Clayton Umbach (Reader)
Interesting twist. Very good dialogue. Might make a good teleplay (teleplay format is slightly different) as part of an anthology (this is about 13-15 mins of screen time). Good placement of the fade out to commercial. Couple of points: "Cut to's" are generally not used between scenes as the "cut" to a new locale is obvious. Lena's voice from off camera should be "OS" (off screen) vice "VO." Most directors frown on (or ignore) specific camera direction. In scene setting, the time of day should come last: