The things we put ourselves through and we call it love.
November 27/28, 2007
Auburn, CA 95603
HELD FOR US IN WAITING
When you left I cried in agony. I prayed, I spent hours in church, I burned candles, I prayed more, I did ritual, I prayed, I sought outside intervention and counsel. I prayed and prayed for my healing and for yours.
How someone you loved so deeply could leave without an explanation and so cold a heart you'd never seen.
I retreated into solitude, where I attempted to understand and heal. Long sleepless night. They lead to months, then seasons passed and still I had not recovered. Perhaps in everyone's life someone enters and exits who brings such love and such pain. That it takes the rest of your life to understand.
Seasons lead to years and the layer of pain begins to lessen, as if an envelope of mist descended into you and no longer will your heart take the pain. Every ounce of the other person is in every ounce of you.
You pass on the street, like strangers who never touched. Yet still inside, your yearning and burning has not ceased. Is it for the dream of what might have been or for the loss of what was -----
You see there is no spark in your other relationships. Two Zombies drifiting with two strangers not knowing how they got in this mess. Not knowing how to reach each other again. Afraid to. Courage melted into puddles of tear drops frozen on the heart of time, drifting numbly through life .
Prayers stopped, faith gone, hope gone, but LOVE still there. You now know love is eternal. You wonder if you will be able to open again to love. People attempt to enter the sacred space, but they are alone, as you are not able to trust yourself again that much. For how could you have been so wrong.
You died that day and you have not yet been REBORN.
IMAGINE... what pain the Creator must have felt the day man decided to MAKE BELIEVE, he was separate. When man forgot who he was. When man began to deny he was part of the Creator. How much pain we must have caused, how much confusion for ourselves and our oneness.
Now, as we begin to remember who we truly are, we can hear sounds of joy as the Creator breathes a SIGH, for LOVE IS ETERNAL. Held for us in waiting for our RETURN TO LOVE.