Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!


Featured Authors:  Billy Allmon, iLisa DAnnolfo Levey, ikaren leung, iPhilip Hughes-Luing, iSteven Ulmen, iSky Purington, iBlak Rayne, i

  Home > Parenting > Stories
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Lisa Barker

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· News
· Stories
· Blog
· 70 Titles
· 38 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
Member Since: Jun, 2006

Lisa Barker, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Featured Book
FREE DOWNLOAD Links and Factoids
by Sam Vaknin

Anthology of fascinating historical and scientific facts and links to relevant Web sources. ..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

Momís Time-out Is Too Nerve Wracking
By Lisa Barker
Friday, February 02, 2007

Rated "G" by the Author.

Share    Print  Save   Follow

Recent stories by Lisa Barker
· Reunion Finale
· Reunion Countdown
· Reunion Blues, Part 2
· Reunion Blues
· Toughing Out Toddler Torture
· The Unbearable Un-coolness of Being Mom
· The Unfit Mother
           >> View all 34

Just try to go to the bathroom alone when you have a toddler...(Humor/Parenting)


I just wanted a LITTLE break. Not that Ďme timeí that is so fashionable these days, just a bathroom break. Canít a grown woman go to the bathroom alone and have 15 minutes of peace and not have a nervous breakdown?

Mistake number one: I went to the bathroom and did not take my three-year old with me. I didnít want to play twenty questions about Mommyís bodily functions and, quite frankly, I get stage fright.

So I tiptoed down the hall to my room to use my bathroom. (I never use the main bathroom. Thatís the one the kids use and, unless we have company, itís in no state for the feint of heart. Truly gross things happen in there and I try not to guess how. I just don a suit like those people from the Center for Disease Control wear and hose it down with bleach once a week.)

Success! Iíd made a clean get away without my son noticing. Heíd finally landed (literally) on a pile of toys and seemed to be settled for the moment. Itís a rarity with him and, mistake number two, I was foolish to think it would last. He has the attention span of a gerbil on speed.

The first thing I heard was the sound of heavy furniture moving. In no position to hurry, I bellowed through the walls that separated me from my child. ďWhat are you doing out there?Ē

There was a moment of silence and then I heard a tinkling sound. Was that glass?

ďWhatís going on out there?Ē More silence. More sounds of heavy furniture moving.

What is he DOING? Heís only three and barely weighs as much as a paperweight. I heard the rustling of what sounded like a rather large brush on the laminate floor...something that sounded rather suspiciously like the Christmas tree being moved.

Mistake number three: I panicked and my son knew it. He heard it in my scream.

I heard little cowboy-booted feet running from the kitchen to the living room and down the hall to a room that he KNOWS heís not supposed to go into. The door slammed.

There were tense moments of utter silence punctuated by me bellowing my sonís name and then straining to hear what he was up to. No answer.

I rushed like a fireman on call. I barreled out of the room and there he stood with the biggest, cheekiest grin on his face. A cursory scope of the house revealed nothing out of the ordinary. And still there was that big grin on his face.

ďWhat have you been up to?Ē


Forget Momís time-out. I just canít take it.

. . . . . . . . . . .
©Lisa Barker - Jelly Momô is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane... Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Momô weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!†

       Web Site: Jelly Mom - Parenting Humor

Want to review or comment on this short story?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 4/5/2007
This is too funny! Thanks for sharing this one; very well done! :D LOL

Popular Parenting Stories
1. What Parents Just Don't Know
2. I Had A Lot To Learn. ...: Special Needs P
3. The Father Effect.
4. 'What Do You Mean, TWO Babies?!'
5. Bill's Journalings (February 23, 2012): Ge
6. Listen To Your Mother. ...
7. Johnathon's Jottings (May 7, 2013): Prepar
8. He Said What?!
9. The Time In Between. ...: Special Needs Pa
10. Listen To Your Mother. ...

Spinning Straw: the Jeff Apple Story by Phyllis Jean Green

ďIn Spinning Straw, the human spirit shows itself in it's mightiest face...that of unconditional love. Beautifully written, eloquent in it's reality, the author takes us right ther..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Fighting CPS: Guilty Until Proven Innocent of Child Protective Service by Deborah Frontiera

An adult, non-fiction book, Fighting CPS describes the ordeal of the Frontiera and Bonilla families when young James Bonilla was wrongfully removed from his parents by Child Pr..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.