another letter that will never be sent.
I never know how to start one of these letters, their nature always denies me the right words. We've been talking for a long time, when you've been away from town, whether you were in another place entirely or day-dreaming the world away. We've never seen eachother flesh and blood, but thats true of anyone on here, I haven't met a single one of you in real life...
The problem is that I made a miscalculation while I was chatting with you and somewhere between then and now, I fell for you...hook, line, and sinker. What's wonderful is you don't know because AIM and Yahoo are so convenient with hiding emotions and eyelashes that won't hold still. This letter isn't exactly to inform you, being that there are three people that will think this applies to them, but just to let the ink know that feelings can only be jarred so long inside before they have to be set aside...because I know that no fuzzy-feeling exists in your chest for me.
Unrequited, I guess, is the most commonly used word, for my situation. Being that we never met, and probably never will, makes it all the more brutal to know that I love a person whom I'll never really share a hug with. A cold slap on an even colder night in the life of Little Miss Aki.
I wanted to say this just because it needs to be read, it needs to be understood, how do you fall for someone you never met?
When a friend is there every hard night, every weak moment, every daily armageddon to make one laugh, feel better, or just feel less alone, that puts things on the track. That kind of support is as rare as rain in Death Valley, and appreciated beyond any doubt or measure. Women respond to that. But there were other things that we'd chitter about that gave me hope, that relighted the candles that got blown out in my last relationship, and though all you said was meant to be harmless banter, I took it and made it a little ray of light down the tunnel. Someone with your looks may seem unattractive to some, but you're a knock out to me despite my sisters "dear god, what is that?"
You're also one of those people who never lets me help you, who really does drag me out of trouble right as the buildings come down on my head, you're not a Bad Boy, and you're not a Nice Guy. Nice guys are okay but they don't hack it in the long-term, they have to make the metamorphosis into good men... you did that without breaking a sweat.
There are so many characteristics that I love in you, your personality is such a winner that it is a mark of how talented God really is. You may be a little funny looking to some, but your smile always wins any contest...and thats just based on photos...in person you'd probably knock a gal over with amazement.
Irregardless of flattery, I also wanted to say Thank You. You were there when I needed a friend, you've been there to laugh and to laugh harder, and you never let me give up. Thanks for caring so much to do what you've done these past years, and I hope, even if my feelings are never met, that we might end up accidentally meeting one of these days, because friends are supposed to share hugs, not IM them.
So, I think thats it...if I remember something I'll pretend I have alzheimers and forget it. This is the last time you'll hear about this from me.
Wishing you, eternally, all the best,