I arrived at his place around seven as scheduled and when he greeted me at the door I was taken back for a moment. Immediately I knew where his mind was and there was no holding back. Instead of the black suit and white Roman collar he normally wore, tonight he had just a sweatshirt and pair of jeans on. Looking at him I thought it would be too easy to forget he wasn’t a priest tonight. After taking my jacket and offering me a coke we were soon into the books. I have to admit he was trying hard to help me understand what I had so much trouble figuring out in school. What he didn’t understand was the physical affect he was having on me. Gosh if my friend Terri could see him now, she would understand what I am feeling and thinking and believe me it was hard to think of anything other than him.
My mind almost shut down when he sat down and pulled his chair in so close to mine that our legs touched, I almost gasped at the little thrill of shock that seemed to shoot like a spark of electricity from his leg to mine. I could smell his masculine body and feel his breath so close to my neck, and it didn’t take much more than that to turn me on. I knew I felt those emotions before but never strong enough to act on them, this time I had to be strong. I soon felt myself flush as my heart started beating faster and faster, I could hear myself breathing and realized this arrangement could cause problems for me if not for him. I began to think to myself I have to get out of here quickly but worried what he might think having only just arrived. I made a pretext of not feeling well and as I was leaving I felt silly thinking maybe I was wrong about his desire, maybe he could see right through me and what I was thinking, maybe all he wanted was to innocently help me as a student.
During the next week, I noticed a gradual change at school and it appeared that we were both more comfortable with each other. When the night came for my extra help I was surprised when I arrived and he opened the door with only a bath towel wrapped around his waist. He led me to the couch and apologized about just getting out of the shower. I tried not to let on that I had even noticed but my eyes were darting everywhere in the room and kept being drawn back to that towel and imaging what would happen if somehow that piece of terry cloth were to fall off.
I had suggested that he maybe should take a moment to put some clothes on after letting me in but instead he sat beside me on the couch appearing to be in no hurry to clothe his half naked body. As I sat there fumbling to open my book he began chatting as though this was a normal thing. I had to tell him if we were to continue he had to get dressed because I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. He asked where we left off the last time I was there and I could feel his breath again as it tickled my neck and when his hand fell casually to my bare leg below the skirt I wore I almost wanted to scream with desire. I knew he could see that look on my face that could so easily have said “yes” so seductively. Now I knew I was right all along and Patrick wanted to be with me as much as I had wanted to be with him. I heard his soft whisper in my ear as his lips brushed my skin saying my name ever so gently I couldn’t believe what he said next.
“Natalie, I could teach you so much through your books and life, I need you in my life as you need and want me, just let me be a part of your life one day at a time.
He turned my face to look at him and his blue eyes pierced my dark brown eyes as our lips came together in that first kiss. Within seconds I found myself embraced in his arms, knowing all the thoughts and emotions I had tried so hard to fight off rushing through my body like a freight train but I knew what had to be. I was mature enough to know right from wrong. In my dreams and fantasies for the past few weeks it was us making beautiful passionate love together. I can’t say he had led me to this because I know deep within my heart I could have said NO but I want this just as bad as he did. Although now as it was happening I started to think about the sin I would have to hide, the dirty little secret of having a relationship with a man of God that would curse me for the rest of my life if I didn’t stop this madness.
My head felt kind of woozy as I felt my body heat up to a boiling point, his hands touching forbidden places as I pulled away looking into his face with that look that said so much more. Everything seemed so perfect; as he reached for my hand and nodded his head with the understanding of what had to be. I know the big problem being…I am a Priest. I realize what’s was happening. Perhaps it was God or just good sense that finally prevailed for I knew I couldn’t let what we were doing ruin the two of our lives. I quickly collected myself although I didn’t want this to ever stop, I knew I had no choice so stepping back to look down on him I spoke in a voice, which caught his attention and sort of embarrassed him immediately.
“Father Patrick, is this what we really want?” I used his proper title though my heart still wanted to call him Patrick.
“Tomorrow or next week we will come to our senses and break each other’s hearts because it isn’t something we can never have. A hidden secret of one night of lust, one night of sin, something we know shouldn’t have happened in the first place, something we are mature enough to put a stop to. Let’s leave the dream of what might have been in another time and another place just a wonderful memory. We can continue being friends and let this be our little secret for as long as we live. Knowing the trust he would have to put in me as I was just a seventeen year old and I was more afraid for him then myself. I won’t lie to you, I want this as much as you do but we could never really live with it Patrick.
I think I will leave now Father Patrick and if you still want to help me we can do it after school. Father before I go though could you please just assure me that all will be fine between us, no hard feelings and we will just leave all this far behind us as though it never happened. I couldn’t live if I thought this would cause you to leave us as our teacher now. I would feel that I brought this on myself. I believe that we can be mature about this and our secret will forever be that, this time his arms came around her and the kiss he placed on her forehead when he released her was warm as a friend’s kiss should be…