Foul Creatures of the Night By Larry M. Lounsbury
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Rated "G" by the Author.
A little account written by my wife concerning some night visitors.
I don't normally post blogs, but if something happens that I deem worthy, then I will write about it. Anyway, about a week ago we had a couple of days of pretty hot weather. The temperature was in the low 100's, but the heat index was like 110. Of course, in that kind of weather it is quite hard to sleep, so my husband, daughter, son and I were up really late. About , my 14 year old daughter decided to try and get some shut eye. A little later, I decide that I am going to do some laundry, which actually wasn't that smart of an idea as dryers tend to increase the temperature (duh). The door to our basement is in the kitchen, and as I came up from the basement after putting clothes in the washer and opened the kitchen door, I was greeted by this THING flying aound my kitchen. Now, on one other occasion I have had this happen, so I knew that this winged creature was NOT a bird, not at almost three in the morning. Of course, I did what any self-respectng woman would do and let out a scream that could have wakened the dead, which of course sent my 10 year old son into a panic. "Oh **** it's a bat" I screamed, practically throwing my son down the basement stairs. Of course, I wasn't scared about the fact it was a bat, just about the fact that Rabies is fairly common in our county (yeah right!). By this time my son is halfway down the basement stairs, I'm at the top peaking through a 2 inch opening in the door, and my husband is practising what looks and sound like some kung fu moves with my favorite cushion, trying to get the beast knocked to the ground. I'm still panicked though as I have 3 persian cats which are not exactly up to date on their rabies shots. My imagination starts working overtime as I picture this THING latched onto the neck of one of my cats, draining the very life from him as he meows in anguish. After swatting at this creature for about a minute, he finally knocks it to the ground and puts the pillow on top of it to prevent it escaping. Trust me, it was not amused and was making rather eerie pissed off sounds. Just to be sure this thing wasn't going to get loose, I proceed to cover the cushion with a big hairy crocheted blanket and a bath robe. There was no way I was taking any chances of this thing escaping. Feeling safe at this point, I scoop up 2 of my cats which were watching all of this intently from under the kitchen table. My blue persian, Sebastian, was especially interested, and was actually licking his chops as he was watched it fly around. "Don't let that thing out" I yelled as I ran upstairs with the 2 cats. I intended on putting them in the smallest bedroon, now unoccupied since my daughter got married a few weeks ago. I flung, and I mean FLUNG, the cats into the bedroom, and was just about to close the door to keep them safe from the offending beast, when something almost flew into my face. At this point I screamed even louder than the first time. "Is that bat still under the cushion" I yelled to my husband. "It's still here" he replied. "Oh s***, we have 2 of them loose in the house then." Now I'm practically in a frenzy as I've just shut the door and locked my 2 cats in the room with this bat. This time my screams waken my daughter. "Where's Sasha?" I asked my daughter (Sasha is the cat that was missing). "What's going on she asked?" We have 2 bats in the bloody house and I don't want my cats getting rabies." I told my daughter to go downstairs as the bat that was down there was safely contained. We both ran downstairs as if the devil himself were after us. "Get upstairs and get the other bat" I yelled at my husband. "I'll stand guard over the one in the kitchen." My husband ran upstairs, and after a few yells, the sound of a scuffle, and then a door slamming, he yells down that the second offending bat is now locked in the bathroom. Feeling a little bit better about the fact that these 2 bats are now trapped, reality hits. How are we going to get this bat out from below the cushion and let it free? We could have killed it easily, but I couldn't do that. I figure I'll call the cops, they'll help. Yeah right!!! The woman that answered told me to turn on the lights, shut the door, and open the window. "They'll fly right out the window if you do that" she said. "One problem" I replied, "my kitchen doesn't have a door, and my bathroom is probably only about 4 feet across with a screen in the window that would take a few minutes to get loose. "Sorry! That’s what we tell everybody that calls." I hang up the phone. That's totally useless information. I then decide to call the Fire Department. Bad mistake. They gave me the exact same information. "But these things could have rabies" I said, trying to make the fire department guy feel sorry for me. "Sorry, we don't help with bats anymore" he said. "So basically you're telling me I'm on my own?" "Yes, sorry." I hung up the phone, really pissed off at this point. "What are we going to do?" I asked my husband and kids. I decide if I can actually see the offending creature, it would be easier. After about 15 minutes of hunting for something, I decide the see-through plastic top of a cake pan would be dandy. I go and put on a thick robe. I figured if the little bugger gets loose, there would be less chance of getting bit or scratched, and armed with a broom in one hand and a frying pan in the other, I stand guard as my husband tries to deftly switch the cushion, hairy blanket, and bath robe, for the plastic cake pan lid. I do have to mention that my daughters weapon of choice was a violin bow, two actually. "Get into the basement" I scream at the kids" which they do quite willingly. My husband and I go about the task of getting the cushion off the bat and replacing it with the cake pan lid. I told my husband to go ahead and get the task over with. If it gets loose I can clobber it with the frying pan. Of course, I knew full well that if it got loose I would probably just scream and run. Much as I don't like bats, there was no way that I was going to bash its brains in. The cushion/cake pan lid exchange went surprisingly well, and in no time the little bugger was visible. I yelled to my kids to come and take a look. We took a couple of photos, brought it outside, poked it with the violin bow, and off it flew. Hallelujah! Only one problem…we still had another one loose in the bathroom. We decide to go into our small bedroom with the cats. This bedroom is right next to the bathroom and we figured that if we put the light on in my daughter’s bedroom and open her window that the bat will fly out of the bathroom into her bedroom and out the window. Problem solved. My daughter suggested tying a piece of string to the bathroom handle so that we could pull the door open from inside the bedroom, but that idea didn't really work well. Everyone crowds (it's REALLY small) into this little bedroom and I decide, because I am the smallest, that I will be the one to open the bathroom door and dive back into the bedroom. I try and keep as much of my body actually in the bedroom, and reach over to open the bathroom door. I yank the bathroom door open, slide back into the bedroom, and peek out the 2 inch opening. We're all fully expecting to hear flapping at any second......., but nothing. "What is it doing? Where is it?" I ask. We're all waiting patiently for this thing to come flapping out of the bathroom, but it never happens. So, armed with the frying pan and violin bow, my husband goes into the bathroom, while the rest of us hover in the bedroom. After much poking and banging at various places in the bathroom, we decide that there is definitely no bat in there. "It must have flown out when I wasn't looking" I said. "But where the hell did it go?" Now I'm really freaked out. It's bad enough having a bat in the house when you know where it is, but it's a lot worse when you know there's one loose, but you don't know where. As it turns out, the offending creature had somehow escaped through the screen in the bathroom window, but I wasn't happy until I had searched the entire house. We all slept in the same room though…just in case.